Comments for The Official site of Gary Smalley, Michael and Amy Smalley, and Greg and Erin Smalley!

Comment on A great example of ADHD by Ying Kudrna

Ying Kudrna — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:10:27 +0000

When I saw this web page having awesome quality YouTube movies, I decided to watch out these all videos.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Kris

Kris — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 02:48:06 +0000

Well noted Gary. I am a husband, in my second marriage of 4yrs now, who has finally realized the power my 5-foot nothing wife has over me…and I out weigh her by 80lbs.

Her words, or sometimes the lack of them, have the capacity to propel me on to unfathomable heights, or rock me to my knees, never wanting to get back up again.

While I would like to say that my self-esteem is strong enough to weather whatever she may throw at me, the truth is I have weathered it, but far from being unscathed. It has taken us years to learn the power our words have on each other. I am happy to note that I am now her hero and she my princess.

It is through her support and encouragement that I now help other men to become their wives hero and knight-in-shining-armor (husbands2heroes.com).

I attended a Gary Smalley seminar a couple years back, alone but committed, and his wisdom and passion have helped put me on this course.

Many blessings and thanks to you and your incredible work Gary.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Carol

Carol — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 03:12:44 +0000

Katrina, you are kind of fortunate to have at least graced the doors of a marriage counselor IF the councelor at least had believed *you* and offered support. Or directed you to someone who could help *you* deal with your husband. Lorraine, I’m going to check out the link you posted, too. Almost every time I tried to encourage, build up, happily greet, or do something nice for my husband, I got the “What do you want? You want something from me.” and he’d get angry. That’s just one example. In his eyes, I’m either someone he loves or someone he loathes, or am his worst enemy. I’ve been married for over 20 years and trying to get the courage to finally leave him. My children rarely obey me because he often, in front of them, will tell them that they don’t really need to do what I just asked them to do, and he often mocks and otherwise puts me down in front of them. My son has increasingly mocked me along with his father which rips my heart to pieces. I’d stopped loving my husband early on in marriage (he used the “D” word at least once on the honeymoon which he admits), but have continued to try to support him as best I can because I dwell on the positive and had hoped doing so would help turn him around. Unfortunately I have repeatedly lied to him when he’s asked me if I were happy. I’ve since learned that my hubby has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and have thankfully been wonderfully supported by my counselor for 2 years. Toxic relationships like ours *do* take it’s toll on us even if we look and act like we’re totally fine. I’ve been rushed to the hospital because of female heart attack symptoms (stress), am pre-diabetic (stress), and have developed other stress related illnesses. Sorry for the length of this and the “choppiness” of it. I also wanted to add a link to WTO (Welcome To Oz) which is an online support group for spouses of Borderlines. There is a Christian group you can join which is really nice. https://www.google.com/search?q=welcome+to+oz&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Carla Richards

Carla Richards — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:18:04 +0000

Oh thank you so much for your comment. I am praying for my/our marriage right now, with a fervor as never before. I am seeking God’s will for guidance, strenghth, peace, and a renewed agape love that you describe having with your husband. It only took a short time for us to find it in the begining, it is still within us, Our Heavenly Father will help reunite us and keep us together, He will keep His promises, I have hope, faith and believe!
for it is written…Satan must Flee!

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Lorraine

Lorraine — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:46:16 +0000

http://www.armsonline.org

Precious Katerina. God has help for you. If you follow this link you will find help and hope for your life. ARMS is Abuse recovery Ministry Services. My best friend has been helped tremendously through this ministry and you can be also. God is with you and in this for you. God gives us answers to our problems and sometimes it is through a stranger like me and a ministry like ARMS. Blessings. Lorraine

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Cherrlyn Jugert

Cherrlyn Jugert — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:03:53 +0000

It is important to encourage your husband. I have been married for 44 years. It is a miracle I’m still married. In the early years we would hide from my husband when he came home from work. because of his drinking and verbal abuse. I’ve often thought if I and our boys would of greeted him with admiration and lots of love and hugs maybe it wouldn’t of taken so long for him to be saved. I know we as women need that tenderness and acceptance from our husbands, but when Jesus fills you with his love and you meet your husbands needs, your needs will be met. I saw it last year as I met with Breast Cancer and my husband took care of me with such tenderness and love. It was wonderful.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Katerina

Katerina — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 21:06:35 +0000

Thank you for all your encouragement. We have done counselling and of course its all my fault and I need to change. I do admit I need to work on myself. I just pray my grown children are not affected by all the negative, angry home they grew up in. I am currently reading Battlefield of the Mind and all I can do is Give It To God because I can’t.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Jody

Jody — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:13:57 +0000

There is a wonderful book and workbook by Cloud and Townsend called Boundaries In Marriage. I have seen a turnaround in my husband and my marriage that, after 20 plus years, I never thought was possible. I would also suggest Christian counseling for yourselves even if your spouse is unwilling to go. It’s imperative to have someone rooting for YOU and praying for YOU! Remember, too, that there is a mighty, awesome God, who loves You (us) and wants the very best for You (us). Cast your cares upon Him and never stop praying for your husband no matter how angry, frustrated, or hopeless you feel. We war not against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities! I wish you the very best!

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Rhonda

Rhonda — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:19:10 +0000

Good point Kay. Why can’t men be our cheerleaders & do what interests’ us? Men are too egotistical anyway, so why should we have to keep feeding that ego?

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Jannie

Jannie — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:13:30 +0000

The sad thing about the situation you describe Katerina is that what the article says to do doesn’t work with this type of person. I know, I tried it for 20+ years. They are in a different reality, you are not dealing with someone who understands things like a normal person, which is why you can make a perfectly innocent statement and they take it as a personal attack. You cannot make them understand that what you said or did was not a slam against them. You can cater to their every need, constantly affirm them (even when you don’t really feel like it) and still be treated like a dirty rug under their feet. There is a book titled The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patsy somebody I think, can’t remember her name at the moment but it explains their behaviors very well. Good luck.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Heather

Heather — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:32:54 +0000

I agree with Kay. Seems like wives have all the work. Where does “as Christ loves the church” fit in all practicality in the day to day with my husband? He has invited invalidation and serious trust issues by his former but prolonged porn use. I give it to the Lord daily, trying to let the past be the past, but there are other mindsets he has that keeps trust at bay and bring the past into the present. I pray that God reveals to him his job in the equation of our marriage because most materials I’ve seen are proponents of a wife giving grace to her husband for his mistakes yet little is out there in the way of instructions for the husband toward his wife.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Katerina

Katerina — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:37:55 +0000

How is it possible to be loving and supportive toward an abusive husband. With constant belittling
and being called a no good christian woman who does not submit (he calls all the shots because he says I cannot make a discerning decision) it is very difficult. I continue to pray for things to turn around (giving it to the Lord) but it seems to be getting worse.

Comment on Choosing the Treasure by Kay

Kay — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:37:42 +0000

I think this is a great article. It does however seem like we as wives have to almost always be the cheerleader, encourager, the ego booster and that men are not given the same instructions. We women are often told that we need to get those needs met from our relationship with the Lord. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t do those things but in my marriage, I get that from God and I believe in myself strongly enough that I am not dependent on my husband doing that for me. In other words, I won’t fall apart if it doesn’t happen. Why is that it seems as if men do fall apart if you don’t notice everything and gush incessantly over it yet, society portrays women as weak and needy? I’m just saying…

Comment on What is the primary role of a husband in marriage? (a new poll) by Dina

Dina — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:22:08 +0000

A little rationality lifts the quality of the debate here. Thanks for contbrituing!

Comment on Free Personality Test by We Need our Roaring Lions | Mercy Found Me

We Need our Roaring Lions | Mercy Found Me — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 21:20:07 +0000

[...] I thought I was part lion, until I took the test again—the animal personality temperament test, by Gary Smalley and the more in-depth test, Leading with Your Strengths. Did I ever mention I am crazy about [...]

Comment on The Smalley Marriage Constitution by Article

Article — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 00:26:53 +0000

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Comment on Q&A: What does it mean for a man to be the head of his household? by Ann

Ann — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:55:33 +0000

I wish Christian men really understood this. Michael Smalley gets it. I heard one “Christian” man say that men who believe this view are nothing more than men who have given into the women. From what I understand, he doesn’t have a very good marriage. He still thinks his way is the Biblical way, though.

Comment on How to bridge the differences by Ann

Ann — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:51:04 +0000

You obviously have a controlling husband. There are Christian books available that can help you gain your self-respect back and learn to draw a line with him. “Boundaries in Marriage” is a good one to start with.

Comment on Those days are gonna come by Bruce Mills

Bruce Mills — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 12:28:18 +0000

Hi Gary,

I will be looking foward to getting your book. I have been to many of your speaking engagements and workshops and keep learning so much from you. I even still have a VCR collection I bought from you in the late 80′s which is still good to rewatch. I just had my first published book out called “Mills Way to Richer Living”. Please spread the word for me. Have a Merry Christmas and thanks for all you do. Bruce Mills of MillsWay.com

Comment on Danger lurks behind the new iPhone 3.0 software update for marriages by Shiela Oxborough

Shiela Oxborough — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 09:31:55 +0000

A friend of mine introduce me to a networking business were we gain credits by simply clicking and opening various sites everyday. Is this similar concept?