Is oral sex Ok in a Christian marriage?

01 Feb
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I just received this question and it jumped right off the page at me!

We have just ordered over $400 worth of books, workbooks, cd’s and dvd’s from you and your family……..we are desperate……I just have to ask one question………I have to have an answer to this question before I can get past some issues……….it is this………..

“Is oral sex something that is OK with the Lord, and, is it ok to dress up in a little nurse costume, or such.

I know this sounds so crazy, but I am about to go out of my mind needing to know the answers to this question! We have two boys coming up and I want them to have the best life possible in the Lord………these questions are just not talked about enough!

Thank you for your time and answer. May God richly bless you and all of your family!

You can listen to our answer above by clicking play above or read the transcript below:

MICHAEL: I hate couples who miss out on the joy of sex with each other because they think there are some dos and don’ts—mainly developed through misconceptions.

AMY: That’s right. As married couples, we should be the most open with one another.

MICHAEL: But I just have to hear it from a female. Do you think oral sex is okay?

AMY: I truly do think it’s okay. Within the confines of the relationship, I do. We are one man and one woman, and we are exploring each other’s bodies. We are created for each other’s pleasure. And part of that is oral sex.
MICHAEL: Absolutely. So, there is nothing wrong with it.

But it is okay, again, as long as you are enjoying each other sexually, exploring, coming up with new ideas for each other, and you are both on board. Once sex becomes a deal about me and what I want, and I don’t care what your opinion is or whether you are comfortable or not, then we have a problem.

But here’s a deal that I see coming up in our counseling offices a lot, is that there will be misunderstandings about oral sex, and you are refusing to have oral sex only because of religious differences or past traumatic events that have happened in your life. If that is the case, then I want to challenge you to really address that and talk with a professional—a counselor or a sex therapist that can help you overcome your past.
It might be your parents, who just said, “Oral sex is wrong!” Well, that is not a fair thing to say “no” to your spouse over. You can explore each other.

AMY: That’s right. If that is the only reason, because your parents or because someone else said that oral sex is wrong, really explore it for yourself. For different personalities, you do want to honor the differences that you have. If one spouse is not open to it, then it is not okay to push that on her or on him. That’s not okay.
But in the confines of your relationship, if there is a safe environment, if you are able to talk about it and be vulnerable with each other, and really want to change and want to meet the other person’s need, then what you are going to find is more patience, more caring, more openness to trying different things.

MICHAEL: Which, by the way, equates to more passion and more fun in the bedroom—and that is what the bedroom should be.

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97 Responses to “Is oral sex Ok in a Christian marriage?”

  1. Nicole Porter February 5, 2007 at 2:29 pm #

    I am a christian i am getting married in June of this year and i truely believe that as christians we are free to enjoy sex with our husbands because God created sex and he wants us to be creative with it. Just as long as we not hurting the other person. I would recommend that you read the book of the Song of Solomom and that my friend will open up your eyes that is it ok to be creative and dress sexy for your husband.Enjoy each other the fullest.

    Your sister in christ
    Shelly

  2. Diane D March 7, 2007 at 9:17 am #

    Hey, Im Deaf and I cant hear the podcast on those questions above. Not fair.

  3. Diane D March 7, 2007 at 9:22 am #

    Please explain to me in writing , what is a hedonist and what does he really do? Is also leads to affairs. I believe my husband is a hedonist, he denys this when I catch him with wandering eyes and he did have an affair with a co worker. Please print it out, Im Deaf and my husband is hearing and I need prove. Pls help me out.

  4. Robert Hillman March 15, 2007 at 5:07 am #

    if he is cheating and wont repent

    get out

    and get out quick

    its thats simple

  5. colleen March 21, 2007 at 5:24 pm #

    Diane D…did you ever get the podcast in writing and aswers to your question?

  6. Shelly March 24, 2007 at 4:19 pm #

    Thank you for validating a concern of mine and making me feel good about what I know is true (sex is beautiful in a marriage), and regarding the comfort and honor of your mate.

    QUESTION: If you are serious about one another and are engaged, is sex ok? We have many couples today who live together (mature couples young & older folks).

  7. Jenny March 28, 2007 at 9:07 pm #

    Regarding Oral Sex/Nurse – I don't see where oral sex is out of line with scripture and dressing up "can be" fine in my opinion. I think its heart motive with the dress up. Is the point to be fun and flirty or is the point for your husband to imagine he's with someone else. I know someone who wanted his wife to dress up as a little girl – see what I mean by heart motive – YUCK!

    Sex is intimacy – the extra stuff is for fun – being with each other – close to each other – united like no body else can be with your spouse – that's the point. As long is that's not lost and there is no sin – have fun. That's my "limited" perspective – others may feel differently.

  8. Jenny March 28, 2007 at 9:12 pm #

    Sex is intended to be a blessing within marriage. Sex outside of marriage is sin. Nothing in the Bible says, "If you're serious – go for it."

    If someone is truly serious, then they will be married soon enough and can have sex for the rest of their life.

    If someone is trying to follow God and has sinned in this way – they can show respect to God by asking forgiveness, abstaining from sex before marriage, and living separately until their wedding day. (It's a big dose of humility, obedience, and submission to God)

  9. bonnie March 29, 2007 at 6:00 am #

    what is sodemy if its not the practice of oral sex? could this have been a practice that evoled and stayed since sodem and gomorha and satin is clever to continue to bring it threw the sin nature of man? before one is saved

  10. Matt March 31, 2007 at 4:40 pm #

    Sodomy refers to Sodom. The sex act associated with the account of Sodom and Gomorrah is Homosexual Sex, not Oral sex.

    Though, Oral Sex, like Intercourse would only be appropriate in marriage.

    • Bren March 23, 2011 at 11:22 pm #

      So sorry I wasn't agreeing with your comment. It was for the one above you.

  11. Kevin April 10, 2007 at 4:41 pm #

    What about in Romans 1:26 and 27? It speaks of a "naturual use" of a woman and man, which can possibly lead to the idea of oral sex being sinful. Cause "naturual use" describes these sinful activities, homosexualality in particular, then even oral sex can be prohibited here, seeing that our mouths are used for eating and talking, feet for running and walking, and your….., figure out the rest from there. Though this may or may not place a ban on oral sex, I personally think it may make a good case for it. I guess it all depends on what is is included in God's naturaul use.

  12. Jenny April 11, 2007 at 6:52 am #

    "I guess it all depends on what is is included in God’s naturaul use." Yes, I agree, and I don't see anything inherently unnatural in a mouth being used for oral sex. Maybe it is from shame that it might be excluded from the other natural uses, speaking, eating, etc?

  13. Monica May 1, 2007 at 4:57 pm #

    Hebrews 13:4 says that marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. In marriage if a husband and wife love each other and wish to express that love, it is acceptable in the eyes of God so long as it is mutual. So I feel that oral sex is not wrong within the confines of a Godly marriage.

  14. Dominick May 18, 2007 at 12:25 pm #

    I don't care what my wife says, I am NOT wearing a maid's costume ;)

  15. john May 29, 2007 at 9:23 pm #

    sodomy means any kind of sexual act (if anal sex is forbidden then oral sex is forbidden too)other than sexual intercourse…god used sodom and refers to all people involving in those sexual acts,not only homosexuals…plus he made pleasure for you to use it the right way even in marriage…so the penis doesnt belong to the mouth other than that you people have been influenced by pornography.

    • Leslie February 10, 2014 at 12:54 am #

      You are right, I believe, but so many people are struggling, who have spent a large of their lives exposed to very closeup pornographic images, sounds videos of such or events repeatedly, of different people of all ages, in hundreds of ways and a million times. When normal married sex becomes a little difficult or painful or fearful of conception, suddenly these images flash in the mind as fresh as yesterday promising to give you more than you desire, and then, you find yourself begging or manipulating your spouse into getting one.

      • Michael Smalley February 11, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

        Wow! Great words Leslie! It’s not easy, but working toward a healthy understanding matters, especially when dealing with sexual intimacy.

  16. Adeline July 18, 2007 at 10:15 am #

    I want to quote John first-

    "sodomy means any kind of sexual act (if anal sex is forbidden then oral sex is forbidden too)other than sexual intercourse…god used sodom and refers to all people involving in those sexual acts,not only homosexuals…plus he made pleasure for you to use it the right way even in marriage…so the penis doesnt belong to the mouth other than that you people have been influenced by pornography."

    if this is true; and the body and it's respective parts are to be used only as GOD intended; than inherently kissing would be off limits. SEX IN ALL FORMS, AS LONG AS IT IS CONSENSUAL AND WITHIN MARRIAGE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND A MAN, IS OK!!! READ SONG OF SOLOMON! If he isn't performing oral sex there I don't know what he is doing.

  17. nicole July 20, 2007 at 11:57 am #

    “I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”

    This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

    In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

    “Isn’t anal sex dirty?”

    The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.

    Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier

  18. Britney October 6, 2007 at 7:11 pm #

    The Song of Solomon verse is out of context…that means he wanted to have sex "doggy style", not anal sex.

  19. GL October 13, 2007 at 9:00 am #

    This is all very interesting, but Christians taught from more than 1900 years that oral or anal sex (i.e. sex involving one person's genitals and another's mouth or anus) is sodomy. It has been condemned as gravely sinful throughout Christian history and was a crime in several states in our nation well into the 20th century. For example, it was a crime, even among consenting heterosexuals, in the state of Georgia as late as 1998, which specifically criminalized "any sexual act involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another." And, the exegesis of the Song of Solomon is amateurish and shows a complete lack of knowledge of how Christians have traditionally understood that work.

    And given this particular position, I wouldn't trust any of the advise offered. I would suggest that Mr. Smalley do some *serious* studying of the issues of the morality of sexual practices as understood by Christians throughout history before offering advice to others. Either nineteen centuries of Christians were wrong or he is wrong. They all read the same Scriptures he has read and came to quite different views.

  20. Rhea November 2, 2007 at 4:24 pm #

    I think Oral sex is WRONG!! I think all this anal, oral, and all are influenced by the porn industry. It's them that got people to doing these acts. Whatever porn industry comes up with that's what some to many people will do since many do watch and learn from porn on sexual actions. I only believe in intercourse that is stated in the bible. Man and woman making love. This is what sex is not what today's society says. I think our world is in doom right now when it comes to religion. Everyone likes to make up their own rules and disregard God. I think its shameful that so much porn, sex, and all influences so many people. It brainwashes people away from true meanings of religion. I agree completely with John's and GL's comments.

  21. C. A. November 8, 2007 at 3:17 pm #

    Nicole, on July 20, 2007, quoted almost in its entirety, a person's justification of the practice of anal sex from a website that I accidentally stumbled upon in trying to gain insight into what I've already studied in the Scriptures. The website states from the get-go that anal sex is a way for Christians to remain "pure" until marriage. I almost threw up! I want legitimate answers, not about that in particular, but I know if the person answering them has THAT that kind of answer for purity I need to go somewhere else. The website was sexinchrist.org. I don't recommend it, but I wanted to show all reading that comment where that stuff originated.

  22. Watashi November 10, 2007 at 2:43 pm #

    I think we should be reading the Old Testament in Hebrew and the New Testament in Aramaic and Greek if we really want to understand what God wants us to do with our husbands. I believe that the less examined scriptures might reveal quite a bit about our roles, not only with our husbands but with eunuchs and others. Esther 1:10-22.

  23. Think i'm right November 12, 2007 at 7:27 pm #

    Difficult Question, but one which I'll answer. God intended only 1 type of Sex. That is the normal stuff. The rest of it is plain wrong, regardless of what you say. In fact, looking at porn or anything close to that is wrong. Remember the words of Paul (read corintians)(spelled wrong, sorry) However, on the topic of costumes, the Bible mentions nothing, anywhere. I will answer to teh best of my ability. Looking at anyone with lust is commiting adultery, in Jesus' words. If in marrage, this no longer applies, but only WITH YOUR WIFE or husband, if you are a woman. You cannot look at any other girl again. If this disappoints, then don't be chirstian (although this won't help). Therefore a costume on your wife or husband is ok. One thing I will state though. If these costumes involve your husband or wife wearing opposite sex clothes (i.e Man in a womans clothes) then it is sex perversion (Just get a St. James Version of the Bible, and look it up in the index under "abominations). I reinforce the point stated on another persons answer. If the point of the costume is to make you "forget" that you are with your wife, and make it as though your having sex with someone else altogether, then it is unacceptable. You can never forget that your wife (or husband) is under that costume, and you must always remember that. This should answer your questions.

  24. Think i'm right November 12, 2007 at 7:36 pm #

    I would also like to add that that many of you who say sex in all forms is ok are wrong. You state truly that the Bible doesn't say anywhere specifically it is. However, the passages that you give showing that they are commiting sex in other forms are only being interpreted in the way you would like to see it interpreted. It could easily be interperted in another way. To answer this question once and for all, look what other people are doing.
    Homosexuals commit Anal Sex. Therefore, we would follow in their footsteps by commiting Anal sex, regardless of who it is with.
    The Bible teaches not to follow in the footsteps of sinners. You would contradidct me by saying that people have normal sex outside of marrage. You would say does that mean we can't have that either? My answer is don't follow in the footsteps of Sinners. If they have normal sex outside of marrage then we don't. However, inside of marrage it is not a sin. Therefore we can follow in those footsteps.

    To finish off is say, simply look at who performs the other types of sex, and detirmine whether or not thay are sinning. Then Decide.

  25. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 7:29 pm #

    Intercourse is the only sacred sex. It only should happen in marriage.
    I find oral, anal and other forms of sex are wrong.

  26. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 7:34 pm #

    Look at the kamasutra. Its ancient porn that has greatly influenced the porn industry today.
    In India you have ancient temples with carvings of people having oral, anal, intercourse, and all with man to man, female to female, group, unmarried people, prostitutes and etc. Thanks to the inventor of Kamasutra we have so much problems in regarding sex slavery, prostitution, premartial, marriage problems, porn, aids, stds, hpv, etc.

  27. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 7:45 pm #

    One thing for sure anal, oral and other forms of sex that kamasutra and porn says does not produce children and give the most satisfying love. Oral and anals and all are just lust. These things does not give you love at the same time. Meaning both you and your spouse enjoying it at the same time. It does not build strong sacred intimacy, only intercourse between man and wife Can. Sharing love with your spouse and having children and building strong intimacy is the best part of Intercourse. The reason why so many do oral is because people want orgasm. They say you can be successful in getting orgasm in oral than intercourse. I just find people will do anything and are just hungry for sex.

  28. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 7:48 pm #

    Those marriage sites and sites that tell people its ok to have oral, anal, and other forms of dirty sex, step back and realise who invented this acts its form ancient porn kamasutra!!! He's the one that made up all this stuff. That dirty guy and look at his ancient followers and followers today, OH Much of Sinners!!!

  29. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 7:56 pm #

    These dirty ancient people who followed the rules of kamasutra who made carvings temples. These people are sinners. They are so sick that that carve on the temples. So all people, children, and elders can view dirty acts since back then they didnt have playboy or something. Carvings was a way to tell people of these dirty acts. I hope they are in purgatory these sinners. These kamasutra acts showing group sex and all its disgusting and all. Kamasutra is ancient porn that evolved into today's modern porn. Think about it.

  30. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 8:14 pm #

    I mean doesnt Kamasutra have chapters of how a man can entice and have sex with maids, unmarried women, and other women? What do people got to say about Kamasutra and its effect on porn and other problems today? Anyone who knows the specific history of it. Do explain it. I think the guy who invented it misuse God to make it is seem that God finds these sexual acts as ok. I think its satan ways of creeping into this guy and his followers.
    I don't believe God finds anal, oral and other forms of sex acceptable. I find intercourse between man and wife is. That's my opinion. I know there are many who don't agree, but I am expressing my views.

  31. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 8:18 pm #

    The person in the comments "Think I'm Right" made a great point about costumes and it led me to think about how kamasutra and porn are related. I would like to know your opinion as well as other people;s view on my comments.
    Great Discussion Here. :)

  32. Stefani_Rhea November 15, 2007 at 8:25 pm #

    I mean who would carve sex acts on Temples!!!! For real its the sinners. They have no respect for God. They are sinners. Look the the inventor of Kamasutra, his followers, and porn followers. Look at the problems it created today from sex slavery, premartial sex, divorces, affairs, porn, deadly diseases that can be spread, rape, exposing women, etc. These Kamasutra and porn pollutes the mind and all.
    It leads towards sin.

  33. angie November 16, 2007 at 1:46 am #

    I was not sure about oral sex untill i was reading the comment of the person of think im right , i belive him or her it makes sence , look in to your heart when you hade oral sex how do you feel after words guilty or not if guilty then you know it is wron and it is God's way of letting you know it is wrong so i i was all of you go and repent and say sorry because God is on his way and do you realy want to go to hell because of oral sex i dont. it is not worht it .

  34. Stefani_Rhea November 16, 2007 at 5:55 pm #

    I was going through several marriage sites that had articles saying to people to perform oral sex so you and your partner can be sexually filled. There were people who were reading the article telling the "sex expert" to have more articles on different sexual acts besides intercourse. I was completely shocked and felt like these marriage sites encourage acts about oral, anal and other non intercourse acts. I was how messed up these people are for real!!! I was researching online trying to find out whether God finds it it acceptable. I found few sites good ones that really hit home like this one.

  35. Stefani_Rhea November 16, 2007 at 6:01 pm #

    That said that Oral, anal, and other non intercourse acts as wrong. "Think I'm right", marriage experts, and other people really made truthful and strongest point why oral, anal and all are Wrong. Look at the people who do it and where it came from it came from dirty people who had dirty minds and look at the followers from the past and today. I makes complete sense and its the truth. I think people like to make a middle area for themselves meaning instead of following the truth. They make their own rules and have no remorse or feeling like they are sinning because they made a middle area in their life. There are two things in the world, right or wrong. God or Satan. There is no middle area.
    I think the world is falling apart because many have made up their own rules instead of following truth or God. I find oral sex and all as wrong. The truth is sexual intercourse is the only, most fulling sex, and most precious.

  36. Stefani_Rhea November 16, 2007 at 6:08 pm #

    Think I'm Right you should write articles on why Oral, Anal and non intercourse acts of sex are wrong and publish it online and Christian papers. I think your comment really stands out. I too was puzzled because the acceptance of people using oral and anal sex. I was sacred because I was like I know its wrong. Then I went online and all. I feel reassured that I am not wrong. I discovered how ancient people to now who do anal, oral, and all. Its the sinful people. I am glad to those that see the truth that oral, anal, and all are wrong. The most of the world may find it accepting but the truth is its another form of sin disguised by satan.

    • Philip John February 10, 2014 at 1:10 am #

      Thank you dear for speaking out, your conscience is in the right place.

      • Michael Smalley February 11, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

        Appreciate it! The more educated we are the better lovers we will be!

  37. Dave November 18, 2007 at 11:06 am #

    I'm curious… for those who think that oral sex is wrong between a husband and wife… Why didn't God prohibit it anywhere in the Bible? Even where there are some very specific prohibitions (especially for priests where the restrictions were stricter) it is not mentioned. Song of Solomon ABSOLUTELY speaks of kissing body parts other than the mouth.

    As for the person who said that the church condemned the practice for 1900 years – that's simply not true. Augustine may have, but there was not consensus on the issue (nor condemnation) until a very late date, when the church had become what we would know as the catholic church. There are a lot of things that were accepted or condemned by the "church" that we recognize today as unscriptural. That's a weak argument – something either holds up to scripture or it doesn't. Saying "Well so and so believed this" doesn't make something right or wrong.

    The question gets down to the motivation of the heart. I would suspect that those who just reactively condemn have never had to deal with difficult circumstances, such as a woman who cannot have sex due to vaginitis or other problems (what then?), or who has just had a baby but doesn't want to make her husband wait 6-8 weeks for sex, or who is pregnant and finds sex painful, or a woman who has longer than normal periods.

    Don't be so quick to condemn where the Word does not. It would seem to me that God kept silent on the subject for perhaps precisely those (and other) reasons. If I were desiring it in place of intercourse, or just to subjugate my wife, then I have a heart issue that needs to be addressed. But I would not call a wife, (who for one reason or another, cannot or does not desire to have vaginal intercourse), satisfying her husband in this way, to be sinning.

  38. Dave November 18, 2007 at 11:40 am #

    To "Think I'm Right" – there is no such thing as a St. James Bible – it's a "King James" Bible, who by the way was well known for engaging in homosexual acts – I don't know that one would generally ascribe sainthood to him. Not that your point was necessarily wrong, but as an evangelical pastor I'll say emphatically that Bible versions are not what validates or invalidates behavior.

    It's too simplistic to say that porn makes men want oral sex – pleasure makes them want it. In this day and age often past experiences (before one comes to Christ) may make a man want it. That being said, if the Spirit of God convicts an individual against that, or any other sexual practice, then nothing anyone else may believe can make it o.k. for them.

    I think that we as Christians need to be careful when we condemn something for others that scripture does not. A conviction is personally rejecting something that we feel is wrong – but it becomes legalism when we tell others that if they do not do the same they are in sin.

    Having said all that, I believe that substituting oral sex for normal intercourse would generally fall under the prohibition of 1Corinthians 7 (where husbands and wives are not to deny one another except for purposes of prayer). But as I said in my earlier post, there are reasons (especially in this day and age where men are under such satanic attack and temptation) where it may be a gift a woman gives her husband to keep him from falling into lust. I would be curious to know if under the conditions I mentioned earlier, if those who are opposed to this activity would be against a woman masturbating her husband to orgasm. If you're not, then you're demonstrating that your opposition to oral sex is not biblical, but opinion driven. Hence, legalism; because the logic, passages, and parameters you used to define "normal" sex would apply EXACTLY the same way to masturbation.

    There are legitimate circumstances where a woman cannot have sex for one reason or another, or where she does not desire sex yet wants to not deny her husband. In those cases, and where she is concerned about her husband being tempted (men do have a 3-4 day testosterone "cycle"), I cannot see how such activity would always (and necessarily) be called sinful.

    Thoughts?

    • John October 19, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

      Dave,
      Your point of view, IMHO, is spot on. As a Christian man who has been married for almost 23 years, there has definitely been stress over sex – more than is neccessary. To help build a more Godly (& healthy!) relationship with my spouse, a little sexual variety goes a long way. When both parties are happy sexually, communication & feelings towards each other just go better. It makes perfect sense & I am sure this is what the LORD intended between man & wife.

  39. Christy December 3, 2007 at 2:35 pm #

    I think many people are making misinterpretations linguistically. We got the term "sodomy" from the city of Sodom, one of the Old Testmant cities that was destroyed for refusal to repent from their sexually immoral habits. Some Christians term all sexual immorality as "sodomy", but this can be confusing to the secular population which defines "sodomy" as anal sex. Does the Bible specifically say that anal sex is bad? No. If you say yes, than prove it with legit verses.

    Onto the issue of oral sex, too many people ignore the Song of Solomon, and I'll admit that I used to do that as well. It's awkwardly poetic and basically sounds like softcore porn that somehow worked it somehow into the Canon. Nevertheless, it's there, and it is there for a reason. We cannot ignore things from the Bible because we don't want to address. The Song of Solomon is just as inspired as the rest of the Scriptures. Going off of that, there are specific verses in the Song of Solomon that refer to oral sex. You can deny it all you want, but the imagery is quite clear. Allow me to quote chapter 2 verse 3, "As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." As awkward as it is to say…that verse refers to oral sex.

    Just because our culture has perverted the gift of sex that God gave us, it does not mean that these different forms of sex are sin. Where in the Bible does it say that just vaginal intercourse is permissible?

    I would challenge you to consider the thoughts of C.S. Lewis when he writes that pleasure in its healthy and satisfying state is something from God, but it becomes sin when we take those pleasures at times, in ways, or in degrees which God has forbidden (paraphrase). Sexual activity within the bonds of marriage becomes sin only when we cause it to.

  40. beth December 26, 2007 at 3:22 pm #

    I am refering to the scripture that says the marriage bed in not defiled… the word marriage bed comes from the greek or hebrew word meaning coitus… coitus means vaginal-penial intercourse.

  41. GL January 3, 2008 at 7:52 am #

    Dave,

    All I can say is that there was not a single orthodox Christian thinker, preacher, theologian, etc. of note for 19 centuries who did not, if he addressed the issue, condemn any sexual act which by its nature was incapable of being procreative.

    Luther, Calvin and Wesley all condemned such sexual acts and all of them relied on the Bible. The problem isn't what the Bible says or doesn't say, its that 20th (and now 21st) century Christians are so full of pride that they believe that they can ignore what 19 centuries of devout men understood the Bible to teach and to reinterpret the text for themselves to allow whatever practice that desire. Like in the days of the Judges, we live in a time when each person decides for himself what is right. Who needs to know what Chrysostom, Jerome, Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Wesley or Henry, to name just a few, understood Scripture to teach? After all, they say (like Korah in Numbers 16), we are all holy.

    Kyrie elesion.

    Read some commentators on Scripture on these matters who died before the days of the sexually perverted and compromised Church of the 20th century. It is a real eye opener.

  42. GL January 3, 2008 at 8:14 am #

    Christy,

    Its too bad that you weren't around to correct Aquinas and Luther on what the word sodomy meant. They both applied it to sexual acts between a man and a woman which by its nature could not be procreative.

    Where do you get the idea that the sexual sins of Sodom were limited to homosexual acts? The Scriptures do not limit the scope of their sexual perversion to merely homosexual acts. That is eisogesis, not exegesis.

    What do you make of Onan's act of coitus interruptus? And before you fall back on the levirate law argument, recall that Onan lived 400 years before the Law. There certainly was a similar custom, but it was not a law. And when it became a law, death was not the penalty. And, I would note that such devout men as Chrysostom, Jerome, Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Wesley and Henry recognized that his sin was failure to complete the act of insemination — exactly what completed oral and anal sex result in. Luther wrote extensively on these matters, relying on Scripture (as one would expect from the man who advocated sola Scriptura)to make the case.

    Finally, before you cite Lewis on this subject, I would suggest that you need to read more about what he had to say on the matter. Lewis certainly had grave concerns about violating the natural law (what he called the Tao in The Abolition of Man) and specifically wrote against the abandonment of established sexual taboos.

  43. GL January 3, 2008 at 8:37 am #

    Christy,

    As a follow-up to "Does the Bible specifically say that anal sex is bad?"

    Does the Bible specifically say that abortion is bad?

    Does the Bible specifically say that polygamy is bad?

    Does the Bible specifically say that having sexual intercourse with your wife's female servant is bad (as long as your wife endorses it)?

    If you take the same approach on each of those matters that you do on anal sex, then we are so far apart that we have nothing to discuss. If you believe the Bible teaches that abortion, polygamy and sex with one's wife's servant is wrong, then you already, at least implicitly, recognize that reading and applying the Bible requires more than mere prooftexting. It requires reading passages in the context of the book of which they are a part and in reading each book in the context of the entirety of Scripture, just like any other work of literature. And, in the case of Scripture, it requires, at a minimum, studying the history of how earlier generations understood and applied the text, not in a manner that binds us to a Tradition, but in a manner that respects the fact that the Holy Spirit would not permit His Church to be in error for 19 centuries, only to correct it in our own times.

    Find me ONE orthodox Christian commentator (Gnostics and other heretics don't count) who died before 1900 who supports the licitness of either oral or anal sex. I can cite you many who wrote that sexual intercourse which by its nature cannot be procreative is gravely sinful. If you can find none to counter that, what does that tell you? As a Lewis fan, perhaps you should consider applying his admonition to read authors who are already dead.

  44. GL January 3, 2008 at 9:44 am #

    Dave and Christy,

    One more request: Provide a citation from Scripture which specifically condemns premarital sex.

    I believe you will find that the Bible never specifically condemns premarital sex. We, quite appropriately, infer it from the entire context of Scripture. It is no less clear because it is not explicitly stated in a single verse to which you can provide a cite. The same is true of abortion, polygamy and sex with a wife's servant with the wife's consent. We understand from the fullness of Scripture that each of these are sins even though none of them is specifically declared a sin in a single verse which can be cited.

    In the same way, the men whom I cite above infer from Scripture that sexual intercourse which by its nature cannot be procreative is sinful. They look at the numerous passages in which God declares that children (especially many of them) are a blessing from Him. (As Chrysostom declares, would you contemn the gift of God?) They look at the examples of sexual acts which are condemned. (Prohibitions include sex with one of the same gender, sex with animals, sex during a woman's period, ritual prostitution, as well as the example of Onan, who acted specifically to avoid procreation.)

  45. ALR January 15, 2008 at 10:01 am #

    I'm really enjoying all the responses. It's interesting to see so many different opinions. I'll keep mine short & to the point.

    I don't see anything wrong with oral sex and I don't have a problem with costumes, a little bit of roleplaying, etc.

    I think that anal sex is dirty and disgusting and to me proves why homosexual relationships are sinful. It isn't called sodomy for nothing. In my mind, I do not believe S&M is appropriate, anything where you are torturing and hurting the other person.

    Sex is something that is beautiful and to be shared between 2 people who love each other. There are a lot of things that can easily make it ugly.

    I really believe that both parties should be open and honest about their interests & desires and what they are willing or not willing to do. If you have a personal conviction against something, I think it's wise to listen to that instinct.

    That's my two cents. Hope it helps!

  46. Vanessa January 20, 2008 at 11:29 am #

    The marriage bed is undefiled. As for sex in marriage being only to reproduce children that would mean they should stop having sex after they are no longer able to have them. God gave marriage, the emotions and sex drive to be enjoyed. Relegating sex to re-producing children only is how Christian marriage got distorted in the first place. Some Christians married as if they are business partners instead of lovers who never want to be without each other. I believe God matches sex drives in marriage. After all the woman is her husband's helpmeet–made for and fit for his needs. He should never need a prostitute. Did you marry for love or for duty?

    God answers prayer, I wonder how many Christians pray to fulfill the joy God wants them to have in the bedroom. We pray about everything else. Lord help me to please my husband in bed and vice versa. What's wrong with that?

    I do think we can go to far such as wanting a threesome or something else forbidden. But what goes on in the bedroom is between those two people and is private and intimate. They will work out what works for them.

  47. GL January 25, 2008 at 8:49 am #

    >>>As for sex in marriage being only to reproduce children that would mean they should stop having sex after they are no longer able to have them.>>Did you marry for love or for duty?

  48. GL January 25, 2008 at 8:51 am #

    "As for sex in marriage being only to reproduce children that would mean they should stop having sex after they are no longer able to have them."

    If that is in response to my earlier comments, you misunderstand what I have said. I have not said that "sex in marriage [is] only to reproduce children." Far from it. It is about a communion between a man and his wife. What I have said is that a man and his wife must not order their sexual intimacy in such a way that it is not open to the procreation of new life. And, in doing so, I am not speaking on my own, but merely stating that this is what ALL orthodox Christians (Protestant, Catholics and Orthodox) taught until less than 80 years ago. In essence, what I am saying is that what God has joined together (in this case, sexual intercourse and procreation), man may not put asunder. If a couple is infertile (whether by age or some other natural reason), they are not ordering their sexual intercourse so that it is not open to life, nature has done that. Obviously, Abraham and Sarah continued to have sexual intercourse even after it appeared that she was infertile. They did not, however, order that intercourse so that it was not open to life or else Isaac would not have been conceived.

    "Did you marry for love or for duty?"

    Love of one's spouse is a duty, and a beautiful one at that. Love is what we do, not merely what we feel. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son . . . ." My wife and I love each other even when we don't feel like it. I would note that John Chrysostom and Augustine both said that men who have intercourse with their wives in a manner not open to life are, in fact, treating her as a prostitute and not as a wife.

    Don't get me wrong. I am a sinner and have sinned in this regard. But I have come to understand that for the first 19 centuries of our faith, our ancestors in the faith clearly and uniformly taught that to order ones' sexual intercourse so as to not be open to life is gravely sinful. Either Christians were in error for the first 19 centuries or Christians in our age are in error. There is no other possibility.

    I pray that you and everyone else reading this blog will seriously and prayerfully study the issue, reading what Christians of all traditions wrote about the subject prior to the 20th century and meditating on the full implications of the Scriptures they cite, seeking the will of God. Do not rely on someone else's conclusions. Study the issue with an open mind and an open heart to His will. His word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.

    May God bless you.

    • Sito January 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

      Does anyone have any idea of what the Songs of Solomon is referencing thoughout this book? Just a question because I would like to know. If it's not taking pleasure in each other whole body (oral pleasures) then what is it?

  49. Charles January 27, 2008 at 9:45 am #

    Wow. Thats the problem. Opinions, contradictions. Nobody seems to have the answer, but more than willing to give their personal opinion. How am I to know what is appropriate as a Born Again Christian? what is acceptable to God? I will await the Holy Spirit to lead me because nobody else can give me the answer. That ius the problem with the flesh.

  50. GL January 28, 2008 at 3:41 am #

    Charles,

    Do what I suggest. Read Commentaries from trusted Christian teachers from throughout Christian history (not just those who have lived during the past century), meditate on what they wrote and on the Scriptures on which they relied and the reasoning they used, ask whether the Holy Spirit would allow 19 centuries of Christians to be in error on these issues only to reveal the truth in the 20th century, and pray for His discernment.

    If one believes truth is objective and unchanging, he has to ask himself why Christians throughout history up until the 20th century were uniformly of the view that sexual intercourse was only licit in a marital relationship between one man and one woman and then only if open to procreation and whether the relative recent abandonment of that teaching is of the Holy Spirit or not. He also must ask whether the abandonment of that teaching has been beneficial or harmful considering that those who opposed it predicted increases in infidelity in marriage, divorce, abortion, pre-marital sex, and a devaluation of the women in the minds of men. Has that in fact happened over the past century? Is it happenstance that it happened after abandoning the theretofore unbroken and uniform Christian condemnation of sex not open to life and that these effects were in fact predicted beforehand?

    Most importantly, pray for discernment and don't rely on the views of ANYONE writing today, including me, but on the wisdom of our ancestors in the faith and their exegesis. Who do you trust, 21st century bloggers and Michael Smalley or John Chrysostom, Jerome, Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Wesley and Henry? Consider what Jeremy Taylor and Daniel DeFoe wrote. These are names who Christians across denominational traditions and across time honor.

    May God guide you to His will.

  51. AT January 29, 2008 at 9:13 am #

    Much of the problem here appears to be the discussion of oral/anal INSTEAD of intercourse as if the acts have to be independent of each other. Often oral is used as a form of foreplay, much like kissing, stroking, petting, and manual genital stimulation. Is the touching or stroking of a wife's breasts, buttocks, genitals sin? What about stroking her face, gentle stroking of her back, since all of these can lead to arousal and are considered part of foreplay?

    Or kissing? Is it acceptable to kiss on the mouth? Open-mouth? How about with tongue? What about kissing down her neck or shoulders? Or down her back or placing kisses on her buttocks, legs, feet? Kissing her navel? Breasts?

    My point is, each of these is a sexual act. Each one works to arouse a woman (and many work for a woman to arouse a man) in preparation for intercourse. Just because a husband says, "Okay, let's do it," doesn't make a woman ready or her body ready. Her uterus doesn't just adjust at his command, nor does her body produce plenty of lubricant because the husband wants it to. Where is the line of prohibition. The same mouth that shares a meal with a lover can also share a kiss. But that in itself won't make a baby. Or we to abstain from kissing our spouses good-bye in the morning because it won't in and of itself, produce a baby? But is it not also an expression of love and a taste of romance that none other shares with you?

    It may seem very over the top to take it back to such early stages, but the statements that some make of an act being sinful because it is not "procreative" is at its basic level, weak. I will not take a stand as to whether it is right for anyone on here to engage in oral (or anal, although I do not understand how they are implicitly lumped together) with their spouse; nor will I state what stance I take with my own spouse. It is our business and our conviction.

    To the original question posed, it is entirely between you, God, and your spouse as to whether it is acceptable. If you are convicted against it, DON'T DO IT! Read the Scripture, pray, speak with your spouse continually until it is settled in your own heart and mind and enjoy it. As for reading old commentaries, I wouldn't necessarily trust them more than newer ones. If you really want to get accurate, go to the Scripture and it's Author, and if you want to get accurate meanings of Greek and Hebrew, get a concordance and Greek and Hebrew dictionaries and get to work.

    Ignore the rest of us as our views are all tainted and likely flawed.

    • Sito January 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

      Thank you for you input.

  52. GL January 30, 2008 at 11:37 am #

    "As for reading old commentaries, I wouldn’t necessarily trust them more than newer ones."

    First, I spoke only about ordering sexual intercourse so that it is open to life. I did not intend to address in any way (that is, one way or the other) foreplay.

    Second, it is true that old commentaries may be just as in error as new ones. However, there are two points here which you may be missing. First, from all I have been able to find, Christians of all traditions were uniform in their condemnation of sexual intercourse which was not open to life until the 20th century (with the exception of a few Non-Conformist writing in the last quarter of the 19th century). I can find NO example prior to 1880 of any Christian writer who addressed the topic who did not conclude that it was gravely sinful. Many cited Scripture. That alone should at least cause a Christian desiring to discern God's will on this subject to consider why such a teaching would be so uniformly held for 19 centuries by devout Christians and to study the issue seriously. Second, the commentators who cite and address Scripture on the topic may open one's eyes to the relationship of various Scriptural passages to the topic and to each other as it relates to that topic. Those commentators are doing just what you suggest, going to the Scripture and it's Author. This is especially true of Protestant commentators, such as Luther, Calvin, Wesley and Henry, men who insisted on Scripture Alone as the authority for faith and morals.

    I would welcome, (indeed, I would make it a challenge), any citation to any writing by any orthodox Christian of any tradition who died before 1880 who wrote that a Christian couple may engage in sexual intercourse in any manner which is not open to procreation without committing a grave sin? If such a writing is out there, it should be easy to find and cite. On the other hand, numerous orthodox Christians over the centuries wrote that such conduct is gravely sinful. Does that not give you pause? Did the Holy Spirit teach the Church or not during its first 19 centuries? Did he permit its most prominent teachers to so mislead His people for 19 centuries? Is it only in our own time that He has finally revealed the truth on this matter?

    I would also suggest that you read the chapter on Protestant opposition to Margaret Sanger in David Kennedy's Birth Control in America. It is clear that during the first third of the 20th century traditional Protestants of all denominations adamantly opposed the proposition that sexual intercourse not open to life was permitted for Christians. We simply have amnesia on this topic, a condition which I fear our grandchildren will have on the great moral issues being debated in our own time. Just look at the polls showing that younger Evangelicals are more open to same-sex relationships and even marriage than their parents and grandparents. This is simply history repeating itself.

    Don't be afraid to seriously study the issue, to pray on it and to meditate on the full implication of God's Word as cited by the great father's of our faith of all traditions? That is our duty as Christians.

  53. AT January 31, 2008 at 6:56 am #

    I do not disagree with your latest response and thank you for clarification. It appears to me, then, that the issue is more one of sanctity of life and birth control (i.e. oral, anal, manual, condoms, etc. as forms of birth control) than of the act as a form of foreplay being sinful. I may have misunderstood, but that is what I'm understanding after your most recent post. I have not failed to notice (as a pastor myself) the increase in blatantly sinful actions and attitudes being condoned, even embraced by the church. Much of that is not only because some churches embrace it, but is also because Christian families and local pastors remain silent on the issue, giving those who believe in same-sex marriage, "safer" sex, etc. an undebated open forum in the public square. Unfortunately, those Christians who do speak out and gain attention so often speak the truth without love or compassion, even to those in the church who need to hear a strong stand from loving, godly leadership who will not bend to sin, but will also not mock the lost for being lost.

    Good response, GT. Thank you.

  54. AT January 31, 2008 at 7:05 am #

    "Good response, GT. Thank you."

    Correction: GL. My apologies.

    On another note, I hope I did not come across as bashing older commentaries. Many, dare I say most, are very good. And yes there are many newer ones that are poor excuses for Bible study resources. My statement should have been clear that just because a commentary is older does not necessarily make it more biblical. I did notice that you listed names you considered trustworthy as I read, so I am aware that it really wasn't a blanket statement you made. Again, my apologies if I implied otherwise.

  55. GL February 2, 2008 at 12:56 am #

    AT,

    You understand me correctly. Any earlier misunderstanding is my fault for not being clearer. I would say that we are generally on the same page on this issue. No apologies needed. We are fellow Christians debating and fleshing out the issues.

  56. Robert Brown February 3, 2008 at 5:00 pm #

    There is nothing wrong with oral sex, women have been brainwashed into thinking is is dirty, nasty, and only done in porn. Some religious leaders have said it is dirty to try to hold on to women. So what you end up with is mechanical sex, like a machine. There is no love,you are to give up your body to your mate, and find pleasure in it, not to go to the divorce attorneys, so you may get some free money, that is a lie. you said i love my mate, and I am giving him, her my body to enjoy. not to listen to strangers and followers of wicked queen victoria rants about wicked sex. She was just frigid and wanted everybody to be miserable and unhappy like she was. Dont be A loser, and lie before God, and say I give you my body and then take it away, just to get some free money from a divorce.

  57. AT February 4, 2008 at 3:16 am #

    Robert Brown, I'm not saying I disagree with your stance on oral sex, but you seem to be throwing several unconnected issues into the pot to make a point. A lack of oral sex does not necessarily make sex mechanical, nor does it necessarily mean there is no love; therefore it does not necessarily lead to divorce. That may have been the case in some, even many divorces, but I promise that the underlying cause is not a lack of oral sex. There is a deeper issue. Poor teaching, guilt, poor performance, unmet expectations, badgering for it, etc. all (or any) may have been the cause, or none of it. It may have been something else entirely. Please don't automatically connect a lack of oral sex to divorce by way of mechanical sex. Even those who do not practice oral sex may deeply love each other and have a very satisfying sex life which is ideal for them. And it is not just women who have been "brainwashed into thinking is dirty, nasty and only done in porn." Please be careful when making such connections.

  58. GL February 5, 2008 at 6:13 am #

    "There is nothing wrong with oral sex." Robert Brown

    "Robert Brown, I’m not saying I disagree with your stance on oral sex." AT

    If by "oral sex" Robert means insemination occurring in the mouth (sorry to be so blunt), then it is gravely sinful according to the uniform teaching of all traditions of Christianity for the first 19 centuries of our Faith. Our fathers in the faith called this sodomy (whether the mouth belonged to a man or a woman and whether, if a woman, she was the man's wife) and it was in fact a criminal act in many states in the United States until well into the 20th century. It is only in the 20th century that we find Christians who taught otherwise.

    Robert,

    Is it wrong for two men to engage in oral sex (as I have defined it)? If so, why? If so, why is wrong for them to do so but okay for a man and his wife to do so? Our fathers in the faith understood that what was wrong with homosexual intercourse is that it is not open to life. That is what makes it unnatural.

    If a man may climax in his wife's mouth, it is hard to make the case that a man may not climax in another man's mouth. It is because we have accepted the premise that a man may climax in his wife's mouth that we now find so many Christians seeing nothing wrong with a man climaxing in another man's mouth. The latter is the natural consequence of accepting the former. "And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done."

  59. Brian February 13, 2008 at 7:46 am #

    Charlie, Good Advice let th holy spirit give the answer.
    WOW, Were anger and confusion is God is not!! That is in the bible… Don't go beleiving writers of old, but those only in the bible!!
    Being married we are to please one another, not pleasing self! As a Doctor, the mouth has more germs than any other part of the body, so what then, were not suppose to kiss? The bible makes it clear of what sexual immorality is..
    or Lust – an unpardonable sin entailing a total loss of grace. All this means to self indulge yourself. We are supposed to please one another, husband please the wife and wife please the husband.
    If we pray and worship which is what we were created to do, eat healthy and take care of our body well we are clean in every area. Disease does come from sin and breaking the law of god.
    Need to be careful to beleive that private areas are dirty. Bible is clear on the mouth and the what is in one heart that makes him unclean.
    Song of Solomon does touch his bride all over and kiss them as well. I woman was made to be satfiying to him. I can't imagine were just to look at each other and smile, have one postion of quick sex hope for pregnancy and thats it.
    One talk about the church of the 1900 century, well none of them are the jews who wrote the bible. Look at the men in the bible some had many lovers. David broke almost all the laws but loved the Lord. Nothing with David was metioned about David breaking the law with oral sex, but he did with adultrey!!! Let face it he loved women and was selfish.. As far with Onan wasn't an act, he didn't disobeyed God.
    Exam your hearts love one another to please the other an not self. Worship the lord and keep him first, and he will guide your relationship.

  60. Brian February 13, 2008 at 7:49 am #

    Sorry Onan did disobey God.

  61. scott February 15, 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    i consider myself a former porn addict who is also a christian.i'm now engaged and even though we both want to have sex honoring God is more important than satisfying lustful craving.i've always struggled with the idea of christians being involved with oral,anal,etc though i must admit previous experious with it in person and by watching porn was a real pleasure.For me i knew how much i enjoyed oral and wondered how sex will be like once I'm married this summer.This is what led me to do research on the matter recently.The one common concensus that i've heard is that in marriage it's acceptable with 2 consenting adults providing your conscience doesn't condemm you.when people say it must be wrong as tradition has told us this for hundreds of years i ask myself '' is it really wrong when so many church traditions have proven wrong.i believe in following the bible 100 % as well as the inner witness of the Spirit.if you refuse to do something because of tradition then i really question whether you are living authentic christianity or man made religion.Also i believe that if your conscience condemms you then don't do it.However I've also found that sometimes we have a thought programmed into us for so long that even though there may not be anything wrong with doing something,our brain is so programmed to think something is wrong that we feel uneasy about doing something.For example the issue of dancing as christians.For hundreds of years it was accepted as fact that all dancing is sinful;even if in a church as an act of worship to god.this totally contradicts scripture but many people from a traditional church background feel uneasy when they first attend a more charismatic church service.in this case both the traditions of their forefathers as well as their own uneasy feelings are wrong and unbiblical but it sometimes takes a bit of adjusting before their feelings line up with scripture.
    So as i said if scripture doesn't condemm the act and your conscience(which by the way isn't all about emotions/feelings) doesn't condemm you then feel free to do it

  62. GL February 16, 2008 at 3:25 am #

    >>>So as i said if scripture doesn’t condemm the act and your conscience(which by the way isn’t all about emotions/feelings) doesn’t condemm you then feel free to do it.

  63. GL February 16, 2008 at 3:25 am #

    "So as i said if scripture doesn’t condemm the act and your conscience(which by the way isn’t all about emotions/feelings) doesn’t condemm you then feel free to do it."

    And there is the rub. Who do you trust to determine whether Scripture condemns you, your own reading, uninformed by what earlier generations of Christians understood Scriptures to teach or informed by what 19 centuries of Christians believed it taught? And in relying on your conscience, you have an obligation to inform your conscience by understanding what Scripture teaches and how your actions relate to what Scripture teaches. Again, 20th and 21st century Christian bear an uncanny resemblance to Korah in Numbers 16.

    • Kim February 17, 2014 at 9:05 pm #

      GL
      YOu are really starting to get on my nerves. You are beating a dead horse. JESUS tells us that the HOLY SPIRIT will lead us into all truth–NOT john Calvin, Edwards, Spurgeon, Luther. Lewis, etc etc nor even the scriptures themselves! These are MEN and they are not infallible. You talk a like a catholic who would blindly follow a man despite all the errors in his “theology.” I agree with the posters who speak about personal conviction and purity of heart. I love all those old theologians but God has taught me that relying too much on mankind is not fully relying on HIM. Many have been in error and God has allowed it whether you want to accept that or not–it is reality. You have no clue who His true church really is so saying that God wouldn’t allow his church to be in error means nothing. In fact, the book of Revelation proves that most of the “church” is in sin! How do you deny that? the letters are to the CHURCHES but Jesus condemns most of them as being in Grave error worthy of “having their candlesticks taken away.” Sounds like you are being very negligent of truth and trying to push your own ideology/ convictions onto other, which is legalism.

      And for whoever (GL i think) tries to make an argument about abortion, polygamy etc not being specifically condemned in scripture:
      Abortion is MURDER. Murder is blatantly wrong and one of the 10 commandments. It results in the death of a human being created in the image of GOD. Im pregnant right now and it sure isn’t a tadpole! never was.
      Polygamy is condemned by Jesus himself. We dont have to “infer” crap! The obvious sins are spelled out in the Bible and Homosexual sex is an Abomination.
      the only verse that could condemn male/female anal sex is in Romans.
      I personally feel that anal is wrong, if for no other reason than it is painful thus a warning sign that its wrong (which can be debated) and that transmission of diseases are easier because of the softer tissues in the anus tearing easily. Its not meant to have a penis sticking in it. It results in messed up bowels and hemorrhoids for many just go google it!. I’ve done it many times, i just dont see how it is godly or acceptable if you can have vaginal sex. But its debatable. Still, i dont get hemorrhoids and diarrhea from having vaginal sex….
      TMI? oh well! Its true.
      I’m pregnant and dont feel much like sex, but my poor husband… I gave him oral sex the other night with a pure heart. I felt love and desire to give him pleasure–its what drove me to do it. I think that my conscious was clear and I did no sin. But that’s me. Maybe at another time I would feel like it was sinful at which point I would refuse to do it.

      Seek God through prayer, fasting and try studying the scriptures with unbiased eyes, If its such a big deal, He will reveal it to you in due time. Being open to the truth is 99% of the challenge and the main reason so many are lead astray. A great deception is coming(its already here!) its way past time to start getting real with God and knowing His will.

  64. Brian August 26, 2008 at 6:00 am #

    I believe as Christians we have allowed Satan to make sex a dirty word. God created sex for a husband and his wife.(Male and Female) Satan is a counterfiet if he introduces an idea he stole it from God and perverted it. God intended for the marriage bed to be undifiled but also fulfilling to both partners. As married partners I believe the Holy Spirit will guide those who are entrusted to His care as to the do's and don'ts of the marriage bed. The key is that both married partners agree on their likes or dislikes of their sexual encounter.

  65. Robert Hillman September 12, 2008 at 1:57 pm #

    I am fourty one in ontario canada I am a bible believing christian man and have been single since i was twenty eight

    I want to find a christian wife that knows that jesus is God

    but real christians are very very hard to find
    whats a man to do in this crazy world???????
    I raised four children alone for fourteen years
    now i am fourty one and still alone

    I want a wife and friend and lover for life
    why dont woman want a good man anymore?

    Robert
    ontario canada
    Integrity@cyg.net

  66. Bill October 9, 2008 at 12:14 am #

    beth wrote on December 26th, 2007 9:22 pm

    "I am refering to the scripture that says the marriage bed in not defiled… the word marriage bed comes from the greek or hebrew word meaning coitus… coitus means vaginal-penial intercourse."

    That is incorrect translation. The proper translation for bed in Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionary and Concordance is:

    greek κοίτη koitē
    meaning a couch; by extension cohabitation; by implication the male sperm: – bed, chambering, X conceive.

    Which comes from the
    greek κεῖμαι keimai
    meaning Middle voice of a primary verb; to lie outstretched (literally or figuratively): – be (appointed, laid up, made, set), lay, lie.

    Guess what?? Marriage means Marriage and Bed means Bed LOL :)
    Get a Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionary and Concordance every Christian should have one.

  67. Bill October 9, 2008 at 12:23 am #

    And on the subject of anal sex I always thought that is what sodomy was. So Anal Sex is out of the question I think. Besides who would ant to do that anyway???? I think Oral sex is ok provided it is not forced. Both parties must be in total agreement and allowed to change their minds later if they choose with out hassle.

  68. desire wife October 9, 2008 at 8:40 pm #

    the question is, oral sex permitted or wrong? why not??? There is a scripture how God wanted us men to find satisfaction in their wifes breasts Proverbs 5:19 that is oral…Why not everywhere else…If you keep it in the bedroom, that is fine…The missionary style was the way the world thought was the way to do it…God didnt say a specific way…

  69. rgene January 30, 2009 at 12:13 pm #

    This is a question I have been trying to reconcile for some time. Since I am undecided at this time, obviously for me it would be sin since it is "not of faith." However, to cease from this activity now, will create a problem in my marriage since my wife enjoys it and does not believe it is wrong. To me it "seems" unnatural and not something one would normally do or even think of. I was first exposed to it as a teen at a car club meeting porn movie. I found it disgusting and could hardly watch it. So, I had to become conditioned to it, not by movies, but by different girls I dated. I found very few who did not want this – maybe one out of 10. This was before I became a Christian and became concerned with this issue. It still seems unnatural to me, and not something one would tend to do without external influences. Still searching for a biblical answer.

  70. Jonathan February 15, 2009 at 3:42 am #

    I dont think sex like ORal and anal sex are acceptable in the eyes of the Lord…I think vaginal is the only permissible form of sex for Christians…

    In or outside of marriage, I dont think oral sex is appropriate

  71. David March 10, 2009 at 10:22 am #

    I guess some of you people think that missionary style is the only way to make love. OK, Anal sex maybe out there unnatural. That is where your body expels solid waiste. On oral sex. KIssing is oral sex isnt it. So if it is I guess those of you that believe oral sex is wrong dont french kiss your spouse because it involves puting your tongue in your spouses mouth. What are we suposed to do for foreplay? you dont just hop in bed and do the deed in 15 minutes if you did how boring. Oral sex is for forplay exploring each others sexuality. How do babies learn? They taste and they feel right. We are children of G-d. I know some of you will think this a bad analigy and im twisting scripture even making it say what i want it to. But im not.

  72. David March 10, 2009 at 10:50 am #

    OH and about that Karmasutra thing. Hears another analigy for you. Many Racist groups the American flag for there banner. Does that mean all Americans are racists and people who fly American flags are racists. Absolutely not. Many of you who post here own or fly the American flag and dont have a racist bone in your body. Just because one cult perversis the things of G-d dont make it wrong. Thats just one way the devil has of getting us to turn G-dly things bad. in the english langue the wourd "bitch" refers to a female dog but socity has turned it into a bad cuse word to degrade women.
    I believe this way. A woman is to be a "slut" for her husband in the bed room. read Song of Solomon the most most pornographic book in the Bible. She was a whore for her man to put it in blunt terms. This is not a bad thing. She was fulfilling her G-d givin duties to her man. That does not mean she is not smart or dont think for herself she was just expressing her G-d givin love for him and wanted to show it.
    We Christians down through the years have tried to sanitise sex. Make the natrural unnatural make the good bad. lets get back to the way G-d ment sex to be and fullfil our roles as husbands and wives. Know our role in the bedroom.

  73. josh March 21, 2009 at 3:44 pm #

    lots of people have mentioned the fact they don't feel natural with oral and anal sex. if thats the case don't do it…however if you are married and both partners enjoy either sexual acts there is nothing scriptual stopping you.
    the scriptures that have been quoted ie: Romans 1:26 and 27 clearly talk about same sex partners,
    if any of you bothered to investigate the original text this would become clear to you.
    There is nothing dirty, perverted about a married couple enjoying each others bodies, i really don't think God is going to judge us on wether we enjoyed anal/oral sex or not!

  74. Janice W. Bolton October 15, 2013 at 12:30 am #

    I would like to add an additional comment about sex that seems “unconventional”. I am a counselor and have spent many years in Central Asia serving the Lord as a missionary. I received written permission From Gary Smalley to translate “Hidden Keys for Loving Relationships” into Russian and Kazakh and recorded them on video for the local Central Asian market. I produced these teaching into these languages and they are presently being played all over Central Asia and China – what a blessing. Thank you, Gary, for your amazing work in these areas.
    I have been questioned repeatedly about “oral sex” and agree completely with your response. I certainly agree that whatever a committed, legally married couple choose to do between them is acceptable as long as both are in agreement and honor one another in any uncomfortable feelings toward this freedom for open sexual behavior. The one totally negative issue to me is that anal sex is NEVER acceptable. Oral sex can move into this realm very easily, depending upon the past experiences of the couples in relationship to perverted sexual behavior or sexual abuse. I believe that the anus is off limits toward Godly sexual intercourse: it is unclean; it can cause physical damage; it can foster lustful and perverted attitudes, thoughts and even pornographic images, etc. I have been very open with couple who have come to me for marital issues, especially in the sexual area. I think this topic should also be addressed in a very honest but skillful manner. I’m not sure any couple would be brave enough to pursue asking questions about anal sex but I know there are many questions that need to be answered concerning this area of sexual life, even within Godly couples’ sexual life.
    Thank you for reading this and considering adding this topic to your teaching/question information. May God’s Spirit empower you to speak only from Him but with truth and practicality – it is desperately needed. Much Love,
    Jan Bolton, now living in El Paso, Texas, and working with in church ministry, both through counseling and Celebrate Recovery.

    • Michael Smalley October 29, 2013 at 8:54 am #

      Thanks for your thoughtfulness and the work you’ve been doing in Central Asia! I also agree with your stance. Not that you need me to agree with you. =] But I would caution that there is no biblical stance, that I’ve found against the behavior. But, like you wrote in this comment, all the negatives that can come as a result of anal sex are accurate and very possible. When couples ask me if it’s okay, I have a hard time flatly saying “no”. I do warn them, however, of the kinds of things you wrote about.

    • Leslie February 10, 2014 at 1:23 am #

      Thank you for your thoughts and words. I hope, this will prevent at least some Christians to go overboard. Nowadays, everything can be so cleverly manipulated even using the Bible. Even in this discussion, we can see almost the devil speaking (esp. Nicole) seductively to those who are weak and whose conscience have been blurred.

      • Michael Smalley February 11, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

        Thoughtfulness is so important. People don’t respect enough their potential of using scripture in a negative way.

  75. Diane January 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm #

    Many men strongly prefer oral sex…I believe it stems from masturbation and porno, even soft porn. The reason being is it is more of a “quickie”, generally the man does not wish to “make love”. He generally does not want lots of foreplay, mainly get to the act, maybe after only a passionate kiss or two. It tends to stir up lust and porno images in the mind. If this is not happening’ and lust is not stirred up much,and the woman is getting a full body experience, not only that.part of him..it may be okay. The test is…are you feeling more love than lust when you are down there? You have to examine your mind and heart and strike a balance.

    • Michael Smalley February 11, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

      I’d say you have to examine that in any sexual intimacy act you perform for your mate. Never make it selfish! Enjoying each other and the different things we can do sexually together is important, creativity is great, as long as your goal is to love and serve each other.

  76. ถุงยางอนามัย February 1, 2014 at 4:23 pm #

    I think this is one of the most important information for me.
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    • Michael Smalley February 11, 2014 at 3:47 pm #

      Thanks D!

  77. Eddie and Karen February 18, 2014 at 5:38 pm #

    My wife and I are in our in our 50′s, as well as newly married for 2 1/2 years. I’ve been very sexually uninhibited in marriage for many years, however my wife had never been. God put us together for many reason, one being that she had been totally neglected and living in a false humility in a 35 year marriage that only took from her but was never given to in return. Though their sex life together had always been hideously lackluster (from both), there was eventually unfaithfulness from her ex throughout those years.
    One of the thing that amazes me is the legalistic ideas we have as Christians about our God created sexuality! God created sex, even EROTICISM. That’s right…. God created eroticism, not the devil. The devil in turn can only counterfeit this beautiful emotion by taking it outside of marriage, etc.
    We are free to experience (and God wants us to) this Godly eroticism. The fact is…. you’ve been lied to, and our enemy is laughing all the way to the bank.
    Though my wife had always believed eroticism was only bad, I told her that God was getting ready to take her on a sexual journey that would blow her mind, one that she had never imagined or even come close to understanding and FEELING.
    With God totally in the middle, she is now awesomely uninhibited and free in our marriage bed to receive and give the love God created for us all to have, along with all of its unbelievable physical and emotional rewards…. Yes…. she is now very very EROTIC, even though it took 35 years to get it.
    My prayer is that people get erotically uninhibited and free in order to have the sexual marriage God created it all for !!!!!!

    • Michael Smalley February 21, 2014 at 5:54 pm #

      Thanks for sharing! And God is the God of freedom, love, patience, kindness, erotic love, and more! He created us to love each other and allows a husband and wife to honor each other through sexual intimacy. Always remember the freedom in our relationship with God to honor others and enjoy each other.

  78. Grace March 25, 2014 at 7:16 am #

    To Michael Smalley

    Hi, recent studies show that oral sex overtime causes health problems e.g. cancer of the throat. Will you still suggest oral sex even if it compromises ones health?

    • Michael Smalley May 12, 2014 at 2:32 pm #

      I’m not aware of such a study, but the main point is that the two of you get to decide what you’re comfortable with and what you are not. To focus on specific sexual acts between a husband and wife is not useful, the important thing is to know how to honor each other through sex.

  79. Demetrius June 5, 2014 at 1:11 pm #

    Follow your conviction

  80. Demetrius June 5, 2014 at 1:13 pm #

    The Holy Spirit is our guide

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