This question comes from Idaho and deals with a very serious matter. Â Please watch so you can understand what emotional abuse is and how you can protect yourself (or help someone get protected from abuse).
Posted on 01 September 2009.
This question comes from Idaho and deals with a very serious matter. Â Please watch so you can understand what emotional abuse is and how you can protect yourself (or help someone get protected from abuse).
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About establishing boundaries: My husband doesn’t call me names, doesn’t yell, doesn’t verbally attack me. Instead:
1.) He criticizes (just little criticisms — I left the light on again, I left the garage door open again, I took too long in the shower again, I left the windshield wipers in the “on” position again. . .).
2.) He sets me up for failure (like leaving messages on my cell phone when he knows I don’t have it on me, or withholding pertinent information when I’m trying to make a decision).
3.) He changes the subject when I’m trying to tell him something (Me: “Guess what just happened?” Response: crack a joke and change the subject.)
4.) He twists facts and doesn’t fight fair. Me: “I feel hurt about X.” Hubby: “I don’t understand why you’re so upset about Y.” Me: “I’m not upset about Y, I’m upset about X.” Hubby: “Well, the reason Y happened is because. . . ” Me: “X” Hubby: “Y” Me: “X” Hubby: “Y”. . . until I’m too tired and frustrated to care.
Th end result: I feel like he deliberately undermines me and hurts my feelings to sabotage intimacy, and I feel like I don’t matter.
How do I establish boundaries with someone who knows how to spin me in circles until I don’t know which way is up?