1.) He criticizes (just little criticisms — I left the light on again, I left the garage door open again, I took too long in the shower again, I left the windshield wipers in the “on” position again. . .).

2.) He sets me up for failure (like leaving messages on my cell phone when he knows I don’t have it on me, or withholding pertinent information when I’m trying to make a decision).

3.) He changes the subject when I’m trying to tell him something (Me: “Guess what just happened?” Response: crack a joke and change the subject.)

4.) He twists facts and doesn’t fight fair. Me: “I feel hurt about X.” Hubby: “I don’t understand why you’re so upset about Y.” Me: “I’m not upset about Y, I’m upset about X.” Hubby: “Well, the reason Y happened is because. . . ” Me: “X” Hubby: “Y” Me: “X” Hubby: “Y”. . . until I’m too tired and frustrated to care.

Th end result: I feel like he deliberately undermines me and hurts my feelings to sabotage intimacy, and I feel like I don’t matter.

How do I establish boundaries with someone who knows how to spin me in circles until I don’t know which way is up?