Comments on: Q&A: How do you make your spouse stop emotionally abusing you? http://smalley.cc/qa-how-do-you-make-your-spouse-stop-emotionally-abusing-you Expert advice on dating, marriage, and parenting from a name you trust - Smalley! Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:48:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kennesawga Garage Door Repair http://smalley.cc/qa-how-do-you-make-your-spouse-stop-emotionally-abusing-you/comment-page-1#comment-72251 Kennesawga Garage Door Repair Mon, 10 Jan 2011 09:51:21 +0000 http://www.gosmalley.com/?p=3659#comment-72251 I found your website on google and read a number your other posts. i merely added you to the Google News Reader. Keep up the good work watch for reading more from you someday. I found your website on google and read a number your other posts. i merely added you to the Google News Reader. Keep up the good work watch for reading more from you someday.

]]> By: Gayle http://smalley.cc/qa-how-do-you-make-your-spouse-stop-emotionally-abusing-you/comment-page-1#comment-63351 Gayle Wed, 26 May 2010 23:20:56 +0000 http://www.gosmalley.com/?p=3659#comment-63351 About establishing boundaries: My husband doesn't call me names, doesn't yell, doesn't verbally attack me. Instead: 1.) He criticizes (just little criticisms -- I left the light on again, I left the garage door open again, I took too long in the shower again, I left the windshield wipers in the "on" position again. . .). 2.) He sets me up for failure (like leaving messages on my cell phone when he knows I don't have it on me, or withholding pertinent information when I'm trying to make a decision). 3.) He changes the subject when I'm trying to tell him something (Me: "Guess what just happened?" Response: crack a joke and change the subject.) 4.) He twists facts and doesn't fight fair. Me: "I feel hurt about X." Hubby: "I don't understand why you're so upset about Y." Me: "I'm not upset about Y, I'm upset about X." Hubby: "Well, the reason Y happened is because. . . " Me: "X" Hubby: "Y" Me: "X" Hubby: "Y". . . until I'm too tired and frustrated to care. Th end result: I feel like he deliberately undermines me and hurts my feelings to sabotage intimacy, and I feel like I don't matter. How do I establish boundaries with someone who knows how to spin me in circles until I don't know which way is up? About establishing boundaries: My husband doesn't call me names, doesn't yell, doesn't verbally attack me. Instead:

1.) He criticizes (just little criticisms — I left the light on again, I left the garage door open again, I took too long in the shower again, I left the windshield wipers in the "on" position again. . .).

2.) He sets me up for failure (like leaving messages on my cell phone when he knows I don't have it on me, or withholding pertinent information when I'm trying to make a decision).

3.) He changes the subject when I'm trying to tell him something (Me: "Guess what just happened?" Response: crack a joke and change the subject.)

4.) He twists facts and doesn't fight fair. Me: "I feel hurt about X." Hubby: "I don't understand why you're so upset about Y." Me: "I'm not upset about Y, I'm upset about X." Hubby: "Well, the reason Y happened is because. . . " Me: "X" Hubby: "Y" Me: "X" Hubby: "Y". . . until I'm too tired and frustrated to care.

Th end result: I feel like he deliberately undermines me and hurts my feelings to sabotage intimacy, and I feel like I don't matter.

How do I establish boundaries with someone who knows how to spin me in circles until I don't know which way is up?

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