You will not want to miss this video podcast! The question I received is one that hits to the core of many problems for marriages today. Watch and see how worked up I get in this one.
Here is the husband’s question:
My wife & I have been married for 7 years. My wife has some complaints and says she has fallen out of love with me, so she wants to end our marriage. She said that God told her to end the Marriage and that everything will work out in time, and that she is at peace with this.
We are both Christians, I have chosen to stand as I feel that our Marriage can be Healed. She is resisting all of my efforts to make the marriage work. We went to one counseling session with our pastor and she decided she did not need counseling.
Now she makes every effort to pull away from me and let me know that there is nothing there. She has actually instructed me not to touch her anymore. and moved into another bedroom.
I am really hurt by this since nothing that my wife does towards me exemplifies christian behavior GAL.5:22-23
And she is really on a mission to get me out of the house. What is this that I am facing?
Thanks Mr. Smalley.!
I have no objection to what you have said.
Thank you for confirming my thoughts.
It truly is spiritual warfare.
I have been making the adjustments with the help of the
Holy Spirit to adjust my behavior.
She has seen the changes, and actually has told me this,
but says that it's too late. She just does not want to make the effort. She like the easy way out.
She has actually seen a Lawyer and is getting Divorce proceedings in motion. I'm still standing I'm not afraid of this at all.
I know this is an enemy attack. I can see the stronghold
in her mind, because she has been deceived by a thought,
and influenced by another & others.
I chose to do this God's way, I made a covenant with Him, I
intend to honor it all the way.
I am a Stander.
I have full support from My Pastor & his Wife, and My Family
We have this in Prayer.
Thank you for the Advise about 'Protecting Your Family'
I will look into it.
I wouldn't mind doing the Marriage Restoration Intensive Program if I could persuade her to Go.
Once again Thank You.
Grace & Peace!
E.S.C
I am In the say boat but my husband in not a believer. He has moved out for 3 months now. I do understand why some of the things took place but to just give up I don't understand. There have been changes in me and he has seen them. He has not gotten a lawyer or any papers. He said no to counseling.I get the saying its to late from him.But I don't know what to do I don't want it to end. When do I say enough? How can a person who doesn't live with you fall back in love with you when they don't see you? Patience is a hard thing for me. God is teaching me lots of things.
I wish you luck and all the best!
I hope to read more comments on this and learn from other people..
Thanks
A.I.
Hi Al,
Just wondering how things are going with you now as its been a month since your post. I am in the exact same situation as you.
really, you dont fall in love or out of love . . you mature in love . grow old with love , sticking it out when the ship gets rocky when the high storms in life come . pray and trust god to let the holy spirit move in your marriage . satan will always take our weak areas and and set a snare to make things look better on the other side . let god in control . he knows yur heartache and will deliver you if you put your total trust in him only . read his word . start being a considerate partner in her life . open car door for her . make a date night once a month . those things help . will pray for you tags jenny
Many people confuse their emotions or what they "want" with it being God. It is my belief that many Christians live in a world where they decide, beforehand, on something they want, and then say a quick prayer (after the fact). In their mind, this somehow serves as God's blessing on it.
I've seen it and heard about it a lot and that is probably what is going on. God will, believe it or not, tell people to leave marriages, but it's in cases where there is something severe going on, such as addictions or abuse, where the offending partner will not get help.
If there is no such issue in your marriage then I cannot see why God would tell either of you to leave. The biggest red flag is your wife's aversion to counseling. This is sad. Please keep praying for her and your marriage. Perhaps a women's sun school group can help her but the test is to get her to go to one. You are in my prayers.
Sorry I can't give you specifics about how to win her back but know this; GOD HATES DIVORCE, plain and simple.
So when she said that God told her to divorce you that is simply not true.
No one is perfect so no marriage will be perfect either but marriage is about what 2 people want or feel.
It is an agreement (promise) to God almighty & secondly to your spouse.
The encouraging thing is that she actually noticed your efforts, although she said it was too late ; that bull, it's not too late (only when you die) hang in there brother.
If you don't know what to do next than just keep doing what you do know & God will turn something up.
Surrender it all completely to Him. Be humble & crushed before Him and your wife, make no excuses. You are the House Band of your family and God holds you accountable for it.
Be honest & open, I'm not too lovey dovey be you are going to have to be & turn yourself into an expert on your wife.
Praying for you both,
L
I forgot a very important word "NOT".
As in marriage is NOT about what 2 people want or feel.
(Sorry about that)
We are far to willing to simply give up & move on but what usually happens is we just bring the same old bagged with us; same problem just different players.
I challenge anyone to find in the Bible where God "told anyone to divorce"; He allowed it at times because the hardening of men's hearts, infidelity.
I'll be praying for you also.
Validate her feelings and then ask her to go to the marriage intensive with Smalley for your own closure and healing. Tell her that you are not trying to get her to change her mind about your relationship. I was you about 3 yrs ago…my husband said he wasn't in love with me anymore…that he was done…he did not want counseling. He filed for divorce. At first I tried convincing him otherwise. I read our vows out loud to him and he would walk away saying "Im done…it's over". One day after he had moved out I asked him to go to the Smalley retreat with me so I could get closure and make sure that we did not repeat the same pattern in our new relationships. He agreed to go, but was very skeptical. He tried to back out several times, but went to the intensive. After the intensive we had rekindled feeling and emotions. We left the retreat with an anti-divorce contract:) it has been three yrs since then and are still growing in our relationship. We work on our relationship together now. Some important tips: question any advice that makes you feel fear, upset, or angry…my husband and I received a lot of bad advice especially from people we were closest too (like family and good friends, which is really hard) However, no one knows your relationship details like the two of you. So trust your gut. I hope this helps. Hang in there.
From Facebook friend Alicia Kritzell:
"Why, is he abusing her (life endangered), cheating, abusing the kids.. No other reason I can think of is good enough for divorce. Other stuff is trivial and can be worked through. Maybe drug addiction could be divorce issue? They could seperate though until he got help and then work things out. My understanding is The bible says no reason for it except death and infidality.. God can not go against his own words. King Darius didn't want to throw Daniel in the lions den but.. he couldn't go against a decree even if he was tricked into it. God wouldn't advise divorce against his own decrees."
From Facebook friend Susan Kohanski:
"Think about living without him in her life. Do you love each other? How would you feel if the other one died? That tells you just how much you really care. That's what told me to marry my husband , after 9-11-2001. Is the problem something that can be fixed? Will the marriage keep you from a close relationship with God? Surrender the problem to God and speak what you would like the marriage to be. All things are possible through Christ!"
Thanks for your advise!
LT thank you!
It is really a spirit of deception, and my wife's lack of
understanding of God's Word. I believe that if she draws
closer to God and really gets into the word it would change
her perspective. But this is hard when one chooses to do
it in the Flesh. I am learning that many Christians are
really going through life with a worldly view and not
thinking from the Word. Because they really haven't taken
the time to renew their mind, and Faith in God and His Word is Truly Lacking. So, when one gets to a situation like this, the response is always worldly.
LightOfReason
I agree with you too, that's why I am Standing.
As the Husband I have shifted my position towards God.
And I am not giving up until he Tells me to, but I know he
won't. I trust Him, and I know he already has the solution
to this Problem. I just have to be patient and walk it out
because he is doing a work through me also as I go through this.
LY what You have said is very Encouraging.
I really love what you have said.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
You have helped to increase my hope and optimism.
Thanks for the Prayers & Support.
God's Blessings & peace to You All!
Keep praying for her! God restored our marriage after I walked away & had an ongoing affair. My husband continued to love me & pray daily (for months) for our relationship be restored. It looked seemingly impossible.. but I have found out God can change hearts & restore relationships!
We will keep your marriage in our prayers!
~Kristina
Would you be willing to talk to me
about your situation via email.
I would love to hear of your
situation from your point of view,
as my situation has actually turned out to be like
yours.
Click on my profile name (to the left) .. It will bring you to our website with email contact info. Our story is on there. We would be happy to talk with you about our story & the restoration we have & continue to experience. We will keep you in prayer.
Thanks Kristina!
ESC
Hello, just checking back with you to see how things are going. I'm here for you, if you need to discuss further. You can email me lesliehyoung@gmail.com or respond through this site. Thanks, LY
This is so touching,some days I have faith and ohter days are really hard, hopeless,I pray for him 20 times a day.
I have recently left the family home not by choice but because my husband told me (in not so many words) that he had it and he was out of our marriage.
No real reason except to tell me that he wasn't happy and that I never did anything for him and that I prefered to go out with my friends than be with him. Everyone was shocked about it because they know how I have always been about him ( I bent over backwards for him all the time) then he told my friend that he told me that he fell out of love with me, but I was the one that was in denial about it. When indeed he never told me about falling out of love. whatever the reason was to him , the only thing I know is he wanted out and i never got the real reason. He started by telling me that he was unhappy with his business, then suddenly he wasn't happy with me for some reason other than what he told my friend…then it was my family which he systematically disengaged from. Just like he eventually disengaged from me. I had no choice but to leave betcause we lived with his parents. I purchased a condo and moved out 3 months ago. Now he served me papers because i refused to go to mediation (because i thouhgt i would discourage him from calling it quits if he saw I was against this whole thing)
He texts me or e-mails me until a week ago when we met up to close a joint account and i told him i would not sign the papers since we cannot discuss our situation face to face, i told him when he was ready to do so and to discuss all this then i would think of signing these D papers… I hate the word…never thought, i would be referring to it about my life with MY HUSBAND…I pray day in day out for him to search his heart but it seems dso futile.he didn't want to see a marriage counsellor while we were together how can i get him in there or anywhere now…
I have come to the Lord just recently while i have been going through all this. I am not baptized yet but i have been seriously talking to the LOrd and attending church (evangelist) 4 over 2 months now. I pray and pray and pray, stop in the middle of my day to talk to God about this and to ask him to open his heart…nothing yet , but I have faith. I have been told by my friend I have to let go and they don't understand how I can hav such faith when he TOLD ME DE DID NOT LOVE ME ANY MORE…they are skeptical but I think the LOrd did this for a reason… to streingthen what we had even more…
I find it hard to believe that you wake up one day and this is how you feel. i have been dealing with this for 2 years now and 3 months on my own, we have 2 kids and they are 1 week with each of us…this is hard on them but he says they are fine…whatever…LORD knows how they suffer. he keeps saying they are fine.please pray for me I need it
RN,
Please don't believe that "the Lord did this" He is not in the marriage destroying business. He may be allowing this but not causing it. Is your husband saved? If not than yes, God could be using this to bring him to salvation.
Can you talk with your mother-in-law? She would be a good person to help if possible. Please don't dwell on this but you shouldn't of left (even living at his folks) unless they told you point blank to leave (you validated his actions by leaving).
This may be radical but I would go back and tell him you love him and you are sorry for leaving in the first place and you want to be with him and have your family complete.
You say you miss him and want to be with him.
What's the worst thing that could happen? They call the cops and force you to leave; at least you show him you care about your marriage.
(I know this sounds simplistic & maybe it is but a marriage is hard work & full of sacrifice).
I'm currently in the same situation as most of you. My husband has told me he has fallen out of love with me. He doesn't believe he ever was "in love" with me, but rather the idea of me in his life. I provided stability, comfort and love; I come from a very loving family whereas he comes from a broken home, and any other women before me weren't very good. My family and I welcomed in. He believes now we merely have and have always had a "brother/ sister" type of love. He wants a divorce. He needs to experience that lack of sexual connection we don't have as he said that would make him feel whole as a person.
Part of me believes it is true, there wasn't that much of a sexual connection, but the fact is, we did get married, there is love there. We are best friends and cannot imagine my life with anyone else. I don't believe in divorce- I am Catholic and he does not practice any religion.
I want more than anything for our marriage to work. We've even seen a counsellor and he has even said if there is no sexual connection or attraction, it would be very difficult to salvage. Yet, I still have hope. I believe he can find a connection with me and not seek that elsewhere if we were to divorce. I know it can be there, we just never really tried for it. I pray day in and day out, surrending my fears and worries to God, knowing that he will take care of this. Sometimes it can be very hard to keep hope, but I'm trying. Listening to all of your stories gives me hope, especially Kristina, where you said your husband prayed for your relationship daily, and how you're marriage kept in tact where it seemed impossible. That God can change hearts and relationships. This is how I feel now, that it is impossible. I read all of your stories everyday since I've found this website.
My husband and I are still living in the same house, but it is so different. Up to a month ago, I had been used to getting hugs and kisses everyday. Not a day would go by without us telling each other we loved each other. All of a sudden, that has just stopped. I am devastated and cry all the time, I hate going to work, I dread getting out of bed. I just want to curl up and die sometimes.
Is our marriage salvagable if there was never a sexual connection??? I am fooling myself?? If there is any other piece of advice or comment anyone out there can make to help during this troubling time would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks to you all and God Bless you all.
CG
CG,
"My husband has told me he has fallen out of love with me. He doesn’t believe he ever was “in love” with me, but rather the idea of me in his life. I provided stability, comfort and love"
If he wanted you in his life than I'd say that sounds a lot like love.
(I know that I have struggled with a sense of lack of respect; if a man feels he is not respected than it is hard to open up & love the right way.)
I'm no psychologist but I am a man & I'll tell you that we are stimulated visually, big time.
If you start dressing sensually (not trashy) he will notice; he may not act like it, but he will. The next time you have to got to the grocery store were something nice instead of the regular clothes (show him subliminally what he is missing).
Very important (this may be the hardest part) be confident; If you are praying for him & your marriage than God will take care of you no matter what happens and confidence is sexy.
I don't think you are fooling yourself and your marriage IS salvageable but it may be difficult.
It may also require some womanly charms and flirting.
I want to say thank you to everyone who shares their story, it lets me know I am not alone. I moved out of the house at my wife's request, she said she has not loved me in years and is completely unattracted to me. This has been a huge blow to my ego to know that when she said "I love you" only months ago it was not real. I have only been out a week and it is crushing me to not be there to tuck my kids in at night. I have tremendous feelings for her and counseling did not even make a dent in any issues she has with me. She says she just does not love me anymore and feels nothing for me at all. I find some solice that her family, pastor and counselors say this has nothing to do with me, it is about her not being happy with herself, but that does not change the fact that I cannot hold her like I could before. I now understand the expression that you cannot die from a broken heart, it only feels like it. Several people suggested the Marriage Intensive Seminar but she is not interested in going.
I know I have to put this in Gods hands and tell myself everyday that he would not put this on my shoulders if I could not handle it. I pray for the insight to understand what I need to do and the strength to accept it.
Hang in there & don't lose faith in your marriage. We have been where you stand…It hurts bad, but there IS hope. Continue seeking Christ… That is where you will find you strength. I know it sounds too simple, but pray for her. Cry out to God for He can soften hearts & transform relationships… WE KNOW THAT!
Wow, this is my marriage EXACTLY.. I am in the process of showing nothing but love to her. She moved out 9/1/09.
I am for prayers for the resotation of my marriage.
This is exactly my story. However, we also have my husband's wanting to leave to start a new relationship with a woman he met on an online video game. But he claimed he no longer loved me, was sorry he'd gotten me pregnant but he thought the baby would "restore" the love he lost (I was 37 weeks pregnant when I discovered the affair.).
We aren't restored yet, but I'm not giving up. God has SHOWN me what He has in store for us and it's beautiful. He is using me to save my husband and bring us and our toddler to a one-ness with Him.
I'm not going to lie, standing is a rough road. It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the end result makes it so worth it. I pray constantly for everything, but mostly my husband's salvation and the restoration of our marriage. And I know that when GOD's timing is perfect, it will happen. "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness." [2 Peter 3:8-9]
I've been attacked almost unmercilessly by the enemy we fight. The destroyer of all things holy, the epitome of evil: Satan. And I'm FINALLY at the point, a year and a half into our separation, that I can look at Satan and just laugh. I KNOW my God is going to win. I KNOW my God will prevail. I see Satan's attempts to hurt me as futile and oftentimes comical. And of course, I combat by praying. It really is the most effective weapon we have against this enemy.
My family WILL be restored. My son will finally know his father. (My husband has only seen him a few times when he was 2 months old. He's now 17 months old.) My marriage will be even better than I thought it was pre-attack. We will be a Godly family and we will rejoice in all that He has blessed us with. I'd like to think that it's going to happen soon. I surely pray for it. But only God knows for sure. I have complete and total faith in Him. Do you?
Congratulations on the little fella,
What men seem to forget is that if they start a new relationship they are just changing the scenery; but taking their problems with them & sooner or later they will crop back up again.
You mentioned video games; I like them them a lot also.
It is a way to escape yes but its also a way to get a sense of achievement and this is important to men.
I remember when I was out of a job I played my favorite game more & more because I couldn't control my real circumstances but could control / conquer the digital world (boosted the ego).
You have a great outlook on the situation, keep it up and continue to do what you've been doing; praying & seeking God's will.
I was disappointed in Michael's response to the Falling out of love question… I thought he was way harsh toward a lady who has feelings that she doesn't understand. She obviously is not a trained counselor and needs help not abuse. Michael makes comments like she is stupid for feeling the way she does. My wife believes she has fallen out of love with me as well. I love her and hope that we can get through this but I would not expose her to being called stupid by Michael Smalley for real feelings that she has and does not understand. We are looking for help not abuse. I have been impressed with Gary Smalley but my first exposure to Michael is not a favorable one based on that video response to an exact issue that my wife and I have and need help addressing….
Hi Mark, maybe because you're going thru an emotional time that's why you view Michael's response as harsh. I feel Michael was very very objective. God told her to end the marriage?! I actually find it hard to believe God that. Michael talked to both the husband and wife and did quite a good job. If you'll take time to listen to the clip again, maybe you'll see it from another perspective. I sincerely pray from my heart that God will heal your marriage and turn things around.
It truly makes me sad that you received me harshly in this answer. My heart is for people to experience joy and happiness in their relationships, and yet, it seems as though we continue to take less, and less responsibility for our hearts and actions. To tell is a spouse that "I've fallen out of love with you" is one of the most ridiculous and hurtful statements someone can make. What does that even mean and who's to say that she won't continue falling out of love with her future spouses?As my father wrote many years ago, love is a decision. It is not a feeling or a convenience, it is a choice. Even when things are not going my wife, I must choose love. I know very well that a spouse make this kind of statement is obviously very hurt and troubled over the marriage. But it does not make things better to bail out on the marriage.The best thing you can do if you are suffering through the same kind of hurtful words is to try and ignore the statement and focus on how your spouse is feeling. If you can work on your own stuff, and truly try to become a better spouse, then you will never lose. We can not control what our spouse does, but we can decide to respond lovingly to our spouse's actions or words.You are clearly hurting and the good news is that you can do something about it. If your spouse asks for space, then give her space, if she asks you to back off, then back off. The best thing you can do right now is to work on you. Don't get caught up in your spouse's hurtful words, but try and seek understanding of what is behind the words.
Michael, My point is that you may be right about the choices to love and the fact that telling a spouse that you have fallen out of love is hurtful but you can't put people down for their feelings and even misunderstandings due to their inexperience and their pain. You have been through this many times in your business and have an understanding of interactions based on experience. Those of us out here living life don't have that experience and look to experts like you for help. We need explanations. We don't need to be told that we are immature or stupid. My wife is an intelligent, wonderful human being (the most wonderful,caring human being that I know) and she certainly does not "take less responsibility for her heart and actions". She does not take the feeling that she has fallen out of love with me lightly. To her that is a real feeling. So I would expect/hope/pray that you could help her (us) understand how you have come to the conclusion that love is a decision/choice, not to tell her that her feelings are "ridiculous". To her they are real feelings. I am hoping to convince her to come to the MRI program that you all have but don't see how I can expose her to you if you are just going to tell her that her feelings are ridiculous. They are not ridiculous. They may be incorrect based on your expertise and I would hope that your MRI would help us understand those realities as they relate to our personal feelings without you beating her up in the process. I choose love…. Mark
Michael – By the way. I do appreciate your response and your honesty, although maybe not how it is presented. I also appreciate the response from Longlove. I have hurt my wife through inattentiveness through the last several years and caused her much unhappiness. I am guilty of losing sight of my priorities as we trudged through life with children and the other normal activities, including jobs, bills, taxes, home repairs etc… I became so wrapped up in making those things happen that I failed to take care of the person that was/is most important to me. I am not ever guilty of not loving her but I have done a poor job of showing her that over the last many years and have hurt her and consequently our marriage. My first exposure to your organization is your dad's book "If he only knew" which m wife purchased for me several years ago and I read at the time but sadly did not appreciate the importance of. I have read it 4 times in the last 6 months and I get it now. I have now purchased a couple of your other books. I like your dad's philosophy and hope to build on that maybe through the MRI program. Thanks
What's funny is how much more confrontational I am on a video than sitting face to face with someone. I do get very upset about those kinds of comments, but I can assure you that it is more important to me that I love people no matter what and treat them with respect and honor. That certainly may not come across on the video, but my heart is to meet people where they are and care for them regardless of how they treat me or others.Here's the deal, and this is important, when someone takes the position that God is telling them to do something that is completely contrary to biblical truth, it needs to be confronted by someone. We can not be passive in that.On another note, during an intensive, if a spouse has presented with this kind of problem (i.e. the question that I answered), the key is getting the spouse to share her buttons that have been pushed. The reality is that your wife is feeling something that she is not expressing very well. For example, she may be saying, "I've fallen out of love with you." But what she is really meaning is something more like, "I'm feeling rejected, disconnected, controlled, ignored, worthless, devalued, etc." That is what you want to ask your wife in response to a statement like "I've fallen out of love with you." This is what we do so well in intensives. We help people get to the heart of the problem and to get off the surface level discussions.You would want to ask something like, "I hear that you have really lost all feelings for me. Can you help me understand why?" We have a list of hot buttons that you can download for free here: http://gosmalley.com/help-your-marriage/special…..Simply hand your wife the sheet and ask her, "Which of these words best describe how I've made you feel over the years?" This question will help her focus her energy on the real problem, which is feeling any of the buttons on the list she is looking at. At this point you can now discuss what's really wrong in the relationship as opposed to talking about issues or facts.
Michael, Just to be clear… My wife has not been told by God to leave me. I am not interested in debating that discussion as I have problems of my own. My wife is my best friend of 29 years who has decided that she is unhappy with me because of how she feels she has been treated over the last many years and is on the verge of leaving me. She feels that she has fallen out of love with me because of her perceived neglect of her needs by me. Her feelings and concerns are all real, and valid and I am hoping that your organization, maybe the MRI program, can help us to get back to a solid happy marriage. She is my world and I feel horrible that I have screwed things up the way I have without realizing it….. Mark
well i'm going threw the same thing my wife said she falling out of love she says that god real put it back to her one day we all know that god did not remove it from in the first place she does have a hard heart she had me kick out of the house over a year ago she has file for the divorce but she wrote finnily it so i don't want the divorce so she going to have to do it i'm not but her church has told her no divorce so where does that leave me nowhere
micheal i do have a place in mind that you and your wife can go it is the hideawy it is in texas my wife and i went back last aug of 09 and they gave us some good tools to work on when we got homeit is a great place you can find it on the webb its 4 days of intence theypi it cost 3500 hundred dollars for 4 days the place is thehidewayexperience, but so you know i gave it my best when we got back home but she told me she did not want to work on the marraige at all so its hurts.
This husband is a finger pointer. He only talks about how the wife this and the wife that… I don't see any remorse for failings on his part or admitting he wants to try harder to love her like he promised in the beginning.It says she went to one counselling session and after that decided she didn't need counselling.She went once – to a pastor. I've yet to hear of many pastors being trained well enough who actually help marriages. My guess is the counselling session went like your podcast here – two men against a woman except to tell the guy to do better and then blame it on her by saying her soul is in trouble. Scuse me? If he'd been the man he was called to be in leading that family spiritually I don't think it would be like this now. Besides if you get a finger pointer passive aggressive type you get an all smiles I'm a great guy kind of lingo and he's only looking for at least equal blame if not all on the wife – and very anti-change. Life is worse with counselling imho with that type and maybe it's more emotional abuse than you think. Why isn't that guy acknowledging what he's been doing or not doing? He's hiding a lot.Maybe there wasn't really a marriage to start with.
In my opinion Michael Smalley was very soft in his response to this question. Posters are making many non-objective assumptions here, such as:-That the 'husband' did something wrong and shares responsibility for the 'wife' falling out of love (it is just as possible that he has been an exemplary husband)-That the 'husband' is pointing fingers (he's simply asking a question)-That the 'husband' shows no remorse for his failings (haven't established that he had failings. He's just asking a question, not having a public counseling session. Again, he's just asking a question)-That the counseling with the pastor was bad (it may have been excellent)-That the pastor had no training (many pastors are trained counselors, and even licensed professionals)-That the pastor was male (could have been female)-That no others were present during the counseling (not uncommon for a second person to be present, particularly when someone of the opposite sex is being counseled – the other person will be the same gender as the counselee)-That the pastor was accusatory/berating/possibly abusive/non-sympathetic to the 'wife'/ganged up on the 'wife' with the husband (no evidence to support this assumption)-That the husband was not leading the family spiritually as called (being a good family spiritual leader does not guarantee good followers. Look at the example of Hosea and Gomer)-That the 'husband' is passive/aggressive (no foundation for this assumption)-That the 'wife' was correct in that she didn't need counseling (whether or not she needs or feels that she needs counseling, she certainly could use some counseling to sort out her feelings, thing through her situation, and make a plan of action)-That the 'husband' has equal blame (we are talking about the 'wife's' feelings… one can not be blamed for another's feelings)-That the 'husband' is anti-change (just asking the question suggests that he is willing to change and he also stated that he is making efforts to make the marriage work which suggests he is open to change)-That the 'husband' does not acknowledge what he's been doing or not doing (neither does the 'wife', but again, this is a question being asked, not a public counseling session)-That the 'husband' is hiding a lot (completely erroneous assumption)-That maybe there wasn't really a marriage to begin with (totally left field comment/assumption)Marriages, relationships, life can not be based on feelings. To do so would create total and absolute chaos. Feelings change, waver, ebb and flow. They are not stable, not dependable. A marriage is based on a vow, a covenant before God… a commitment. This is what sustains us until the unstable feelings pass and morph, moving into another phase.
I am very confused by, and disagree with Michael's statement that "Love is a Choice"….I think that you either love someone or you don't….the choice is whether you choose to stay with that person or not. I have struggled for 17 years with the fact that I chose to marry my husband not because I was 'in love' with him, but because I knew he would be a good husband and Father. I 'chose' to marry him and I 'choose' to remain committed to him and to our marriage. Unfortunately I don't think I have ever fallen, or been 'in love' with him. I beleive that love is a FEELING, not a choice. And if that feeling is gone or was never there in the first place there are many times when lonliness sets in because the other spouse cannot fulfill the 'emptiness' from not being in love. This is such a difficult situation. This is when many people will stray from the marriage. It is very difficult to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. That is when CHOICE comes into play. Not a day has gone by in my marriage that I haven't wondered if I married the wrong man because I was/am not IN love with him. I do love him and respect him, but just never really fell in love with him. I often wonder how it would be to be with someone that I felt a deep love and desire for. However, now that I have made the commitment (and have children), I will choose to stay married because I know that is God's desire.
I am very confused by, and disagree with Michael's statement that "Love is a Choice"….I think that you either love someone or you don't….the choice is whether you choose to stay with that person or not. I have struggled for 17 years with the fact that I chose to marry my husband not because I was 'in love' with him, but because I knew he would be a good husband and Father. I 'chose' to marry him and I 'choose' to remain committed to him and to our marriage. Unfortunately I don't think I have ever fallen, or been 'in love' with him. I beleive that love is a FEELING, not a choice. And if that feeling is gone or was never there in the first place there are many times when lonliness sets in because the other spouse cannot fulfill the 'emptiness' from not being in love. This is such a difficult situation. This is when many people will stray from the marriage. It is very difficult to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. That is when CHOICE comes into play. Not a day has gone by in my marriage that I haven't wondered if I married the wrong man because I was/am not IN love with him. I do love him and respect him, but just never really fell in love with him. I often wonder how it would be to be with someone that I felt a deep love and desire for. However, now that I have made the commitment (and have children), I will choose to stay married because I know that is God's desire.
Love IS a choice. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" That's His ultimate choice to love us when we were unlovable. In my opinion, you are describing the feeling of being in love. I will concede that this may not be a choice. A close relative of a friend of mine passed away recently. This relative was a hard, bitter, sour old man. Very hard to love. But my friend chose to serve him and take him to his dr. appointments and even moved him into his home to help better care for him. This old man didn't become sweet. He was sour till the day he died. My friend didn't enjoy his company. Didn't enjoy talking to him. Doesn't miss him much at all. But he loved him and showed him love.I'm not saying love in marriage SHOULD be like this. I'm just confirming that love IS a choice. I think you can choose to be In Love. Can you choose to FEEL "In Love". I don't know. I've heard that given enough time, DOING love and acting out love can help make you feel love. I think this is true for some, but its not guaranteed. The greatest commandment in the bible is to Love God and then your neighbor. How does that command make any sense if love is the feeling of love? God: "Love your neighbor." Me: "But they're jerks! I don't like them"God: "Do it"Me: "Do Love?"God "Yes. Be loving. Show Love."That being said. I get it. Who doesn't want to be "In Love" with their spouse? Who doesn't want that feeling of romantic love? It would be very difficult and very sad to live with a spouse that you weren't "in love" with. I'm sorry you are in that situation. Blessings to you sister.LS
I totally agree with this. First, to JJ. I think it is a sad testimony when I hear a person marries another person simply because that person would be good for "them". That is selfish in my opinion. There are a lot of good men out there but I don't love them, therefore, I should NOT marry them. But this is neither here nor there since you are "already" married.
Love IS a choice. Once you choice to love someone you will "only then" FEEL love towards them.
I believe that if you are a Christian it is your duty to God to take the messy situation you put YOURSELF into and try to fix it. This man is your husband. God doesn't take marriage lightly and just because you got into for the wrong reasons doesn't change His expectations from you. I
believe at this point you need to pray to God and tell Him that you are "willing" to love your husband and that it is your "desire" to begin loving him. I believe God will answer this desire.
But it is YOUR choice to pray and ask God to GIVE you the desire to love him. If you don't at least do this, then you are "choosing" to not love him. And I'll tell you this, God is not happy. He is not happy because you are "willing" to just put up with this man. That is the wrong attitude in my opinion.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years and we have three wonderful kids. We are both Christians but during this 10 years I made two big mistakes and last year my wife was deploy and she told me that when she came back she was leaving me. My life since that point had been upside down. Everybody tells me to trust the Lord and I do. I am about to deploy in two weeks and she wants to get divorce and there is another person involve. I have been looking for support on Rejoice Marriage Ministries sites and it had help me some. But the closer I get to leave to my deployment the more scare that I won't have a family when I come back. I love my wife with all my heart, but if she file for divorce should I sign the papers? I ask because I know that God hates divorce, and I also know that infidelity is ground for divorce on the Bible, but nowhere in the Bible it says that because I committed adultery that we have to get divorce. I need some advice and lots of prayer. I really don't want to lose her which it seems like I already did.
In response to Mark. I know you posted long ago, and I sincerely pray that you and your wife have worked things out. I do not believe that God condones divorce unless your spouse has "cheated" on you. I was always taught in church that the only reason God justifies for divorce is adultry. I do believe you "choose" to Love, just as you "choose" to hate. I belioeve that being "in love" with someone is a feeling though, and a fleetin gone at that. We all know that the "in love" feeling you have when you first meet and get married doesn'e sustain forever, you fall into a normal love. That being said, you will not always love what a person does or says, you may feel like someone else would be better for you and you may have that initial "they hung the moon" feeling. Realize that once you have been with someone for a long time, you will love them differently than the lust love you first feel. That DOES NOT mean you do not lkove the person. Mark, what you can ask your wife is this: imagine your lofe without mew in it, do you see yourself happy and if so, do you think that you will always be happy and never have bad days, if so, that is an unrealistic expectation of "love". As God so eloquently says "Love is patient, love is kind", loves isn't always what we see in movies a realistic love has ups and downs, and strong people stick with it, and in the end are rewarded.
There are a lot of responses to this that are aired in frustration, which is really upsetting. Treat each other with respect please! That is pleasing to the Lord. Anyhow, I understand the feelings expressed in this letter. I also have been told nearly the same thing by my husband who is currently deployed to Iraq. We have had some rough spots in our 6 years of marriage, who hasn't, and we also have three children under the age of 4. He says he does not love me and is in the process of filing for divorce. I did everything we all do when our spouse announces such a thing-we panic and try to do everything in our power to "win" them back. I thought my marriage was going well, we all need improvement, but we were tackling some issues and moving along (so I thought). My husband has heaped all the blame on me (it takes two to tango, so I know I contributed) and I have spent a lot of time blaming myself for it all. That also is a lie from the pit of hell!! I asked the Lord to reveal to me what I have done wrong in my marriage, and how I have wronged my husband. 3 whole pages AND COUNTING of what the Lord is revealing to me. We all make bad choices in our marriages, and it is our responsibility to take responsibility for our actions, words and thoughts, confess them to our spouse, and ask for forgiveness. Michael is right-work on youself, I am working on me, and I feel better despite my circumstances BECAUSE I am relying on the Lord. Love IS a choice and for anyone who does not believe it I pray the Lord will reveal what HIS definition of love is. @JJ- Love is also self sacrificing. You expect love to be a feeling, yet staying in your marriage because you have a good husband and kids is what love does. John 15:13-Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. Sounds to me like you are sacrificing your own feelings for your family. I know (from experience) that the Lord will answer prayer when it comes to love. Ask God to fill you with the feeling of love, and you will realize that those "feelings" are just the icing on the cake to the determination you already have.Michael is very right, God HATES divorce (Malachi 2:15-16). No one will find peace and happiness by breaking a covenant made with God. I believe God's desire is that my husband and I reconcile, but until my husband chooses to set his eyes on Christ I do not see that happening. Divorce directly contradicts the Word, and even in the instance of adultery it is better to forgive and reconcile than destroy GOD's institution of marriage. I will do whatever God wants me to do, and I will earnestly seek Him as well as seek the counsel of others (like Michael Smalley) to help me on this rough road. My desire is that my husband would turn back to Christ (the way of divorce is not the road toward Christ) and return to us. I hope and pray for all of us, good marriage or a marriage under serious spiritual attack, that we will seek GOD's will and not our own and believe He knows best!!!
I've been there and I feel for you. I can't promise this will work for you, but it did for me. 1)pray your heart out. Ask God to reveal to you your shortcomings as her husband. This is hard to do because it hurts our pride. 2)APOLOGIZE for those things, no matter how insignificant they may seem to you. If they hurt her, they are significant. 3) Be loving to her, ESPECIALLY when she is being disrespectful to you. She will be FLOORED and it will soften her heart. 4) Find ways to be close and connect with her. Help her prepare a meal or sit in the kitchen and talk to her as she prepares a meal. Be affectionate without sexual intentions, hug her when she is upset. Go out of your way to do nice things for her.5) Ask her to talk about her day/feelings and LISTEN to her without trying to fix it. Maybe go on a walk. If you normally do not open up, share personal things and feelings with her. I don't know why, but women need that to strengthen bonds. 6) Let her vent frustration and hurt without you getting angry or closing her off.7) Don't correct her in front of the kids (if you have them), don't look lustfully at other women, include her in social gatherings when others may leave spouses home, tell the kids "Don't speak to your mom that way", keep commitments, call to let her know your plans, speak positively of her and the kids.8)Show her high esteem. Tell her you are proud of a specific way she handles something, speak highly of her in front of others, encourage and praise her, NOTICE SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HER HAIR OR CLOTHES, be physically affectionate with her in public, teach kids to show her respect, choose family outings over guy things, make her feel first in importance. 9) Start keeping a journal for her that you write in EVERY DAY. Jot down at least 5 things you are thankful for about her, ways she made you proud that day, things you like about her, fond memories you have of her, the qualities you love about her, things you admire about her, etc. 10) Do these regardless of how she is treating, loving or respecting you. ESPECIALLY do them if she is being hurtful to you. This is how you demonstrate God's love and forgiveness to your wife. It will hurt your pride at first, but you will be rewarded. It may take some time.. but a woman cannot resist falling in love (or back in love) with a man who treats her in this way. (These suggestions are mostly from Dr. Eggerichs' book "Love & Respect")
I am praying. I can't thank you both for sacrificing everything even the state of your marriage to serve this country.God has brought my marriage back from the brink of divorce twice. There was big time infidelity involved once. There is hope and it is possible. My advice to to start researching as much as you can. Yeah it's time consuming and not your favorite thing.. but your marriage is worth it. Read books from Smalley and others like him. Do NOT ask others in your personal life for advice, but rather seek that kind of counseling from a minister or other trustworthy source such as in Smalley's books. Devote your time to figuring out where you went wrong and your energy to doing things right. Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open to you.
Conflict is a 2 way street. You can't change the other person but you can own up to and be responsible for your part in it. The wife is being wrong too, but God doesn't tell us to point fingers. He tells us to look within ourselves. The wife's behavior will likely change when she is demonstrated Christ's selfless love by her husband. It requires a ton of humility and self-sacrifice. It is very arrogant for a person to believe they have been exemplary and done nothing at all wrong. No one is a perfect husband or wife. To feel entitled to a perfect spouse instead of being a perfect spouse is selfish and goes against the very character of Christ himself.
I "fell out of love" with my husband too at one point. You know why? It was my own dumb fault. I put unattainably high expectations on him, became hyper critical of everything he did and became envious of other people's relationships and husbands. A funny thing happened. When I (emphasis on I) changed my attitude.. dropped my expectations, made a point to tell him EVERY DAY the ways I was grateful for him, noticing his positives and ignoring his negatives.. I fell in love with him! Not only that, but he responded by not only meeting my incredibly high expectations I previously set.. he continuously goes over and beyond them. Love, like attitude is a CHOICE. It's a choice to overlook the bad, stop focusing on other's shortcomings and work on your own. It is a hard concept to grasp until you experience it yourself. If God says something, TRUST it and DO it. He will bless you beyond your wildest imagination!
Love it! What a powerful way to minister to people through your own transparency! Thank you.
Guy this is gonna hurt, and hurt hard and deep, you can't control or own her. In !st Cor. 7:10-16 Paul instructs us that if one chooses to leave, (while they should stay, in Christ) let them! And you not under any of the restrictions of the marriage at that point. You can't save her, that is between her and Christ. The Holy Spirit will convict her, but she has the choice to respond or not. The more you insist she stays, the harder her heart becomes toward you and the marriage. From your description of your home life, she has chosen to end it and leave. While this is against scripture, you will end up destroying yourself and your own personal relationship w/God if you can't give it to God and let her leave. This hurts, I KNOW, and I do love you as a brother in Christ, but you need to know that God will give you back more than you have right now if you let go. Don't know what that would be, but Christ does love you very much. I have been thru this myself and I nearly went over the edge. I lost a lot more than I needed to by hanging on so tight and perversely. Pray to God, Know that He is God and He has your life in His hands if you will give this to him. It sounds like you are gonna lose her, and she has made up her mind. In a different way, maybe God is releasing you from some shackles that are dragging you down and under, very destructive. look this over very carefully, pray, give it to God, but let go. If she walks away, you will be so much the "better" and more able to breathe in the Holy Spirit. By the way, did you know that the spirit means breath, not just ghost. Get alone with Him, "Be still and know that I am…..: BUT LET GO for your own sanity and live in peace. Love and Blessings.
I have gone through the same thing and god revealed to me the very things you advised. My husband left and i gave it to god.
I am in the same situation as the above stated comment. I made a huge mistake during my marriage to a wonderful man, was led astray and we seperated a year and a half ago. Two months ago I returned to my Lord and have totally changed my life around. Since seeking God, I understand that he does not want my husband and I to divorce, but to go through the painful but necessary steps to lead us to reconciliation. However, he has moved on with another and as of yesterday, I was served with divorce papers. Nothing prepared me for the crying of my heart….knowing this goes against what God wants for this family (we also have two beautiful children together). I am praying to God everyday that He will do His will, and in my heart I know that's for my husband to come to Christ, this is the only way he will find forgiveness and be able to move forward with me, in the Lord. I have given up control of my own life, that only leads to destruction and hurt, I have surrendered to God and know that the outcome will be for His glory.Many blessings, I will pray for all of us who are fighting this battle.
This video was very insightful and gave me a point of view I have not seen before. I am having troubles in my 12yr relationship and just don't know what to do. I will use the advice given in this video and put it to work. I pray constantly to our God to help guide us through this battle and hope for a positive resolve soon.
I have been married 5 years and my husband has told me he wants a divorce. Last year November I agreed to let a young lady move into our home because of some issues she was having. I noticed they began to spend a lot of time together, and felt something wasn't right. Me and my husband are both Christians we have had our problems. He married me with 7 children from a previous marriage, and we have 2 children together. He said it took to long for me to respond to the advice he had given me regarding my children.
He states that our marriage has run it's course and that he wants to move on and be happy that he doesn't love me anymore. This young lady since this started I asked her to leave my home because of the disturbance I felt. Now she calls him 3 and 4 times a day he says he is trying to keep her encouraged because I put her back in a bad environment. He got upset because I said she couldn't come back to my home, I was told that I wasn't a Christian because I wouldn't help someone in need.
I believe this is a trick of the enemy, we don't sleep in the same room anymore because he says it makes him feel like he's married. That he has seperated himself from me and he just wants what he wants. I asked him to go to marriage counseling he said he would not because he didn't need it that he didn't love me anymore. I must admit that I have hit him several times throughout our marriage because of unfaithfulness. But it still doesn't give me a right to put my hands on him I was wrong. He said this is the reason he fell out of love with me because of the hitting.
I know in the Word of God it says that he hates divorce and I believe that he can restore my marriage. But I fall helpless every time this young girl calls my husband and they talk for long periods of time. The way he treats her is how he used to treat me and I lose my focus. I am holding on to God's promise and I know that he answers prayer, but the wisdom I got out of this so far is never allow a single woman into your home when married. When he speaks about filing the divorce papers I give in to it and believe that it is really going to happen. I have to stand firm to what I believe and not get caught up in what he says to me.
This is a cop out response…an easy way out so the husband doesn't have to deal with how he has hurt his wife. Read the response from Chola (he says, I've been there and I feel for you). A man who has destroyed his wife's love for him, needs to do what is on Chola's list, taken from the book "Love and Respect" That's what a REAL man would do.
Every situation is different. I think that Cbola had some really good information. And that the poster should follow them. However, I don't think you should dismiss the guy above's response. There are situations where Christians have done everything they can and the other spouse simply does not want to stay in the marriage.
The main thing that both posters stated that is accurate is to pray. This is not a cliche answer nor something to be blown off. It is this man's ONLY hope. Only God knows the real hearts of this man and his wife and he understands whether or not the wife is willing to change and whether or not there is something the husband must do in order to begin a potential healing process. But the operative fact here is "only God knows".
He needs to get a word from God and God alone, to know what his next steps should be. It can go either way. The only thing I would suggest is that he nonetheless, even if God reveals that she is not willing to accept his willingness to fix the marriage, for him show her respect and love. This is something we ALL must do regardless of the relationship we are in.
Interesting comments you guys have. Pray for Mark. Pray for Him. I am single but i look forward to getting married one day and i just love what you share and how you open up. That is what we need people who are down to earth, who are open and share the real them and the real marriage life. It's not a no thorn stroll in the park, bed of roses but it's real work that only God can take you through once you surrender to Him. Bless you all.
I have been married 37 yrs. My husband told me "He loves me,but he's not in love with me" Red flags have surfaced for 2 yrs now. He denies involvement with anyone else. I have put my marriage in God's hands. I am faithful to the Lord. My husband is not and refuses to pray with me…So I continue to pray for his salvation and strength. I have seen God's hand in my marriage. We are to forgive as the Father has forgiven us. I do try to practice this,but it is not easy. I have lost trust in my husband and ask for your prayers that HE will fulfill this need. Thanks
I feel like a real sinner here but i need to vent. Not married but been with the same women for 6 years now and have 6 wonderful kids and 5 are under 5 years of age. Quick background on my wife as she has had a long hurtful life, from being pregnant at 16 to being hurt by men. She has never trusted men and was contempt on being single and raising our oldest at the time. I cam along and manage to open her up just slightly and we feel in love. My brother was killed by his wife in july of 2003 so i went back to my moms to help her out. I was not with my wife yet we were just friends. My brother and i became alcoholics from the day i got off the plane. We were bying to bottles of liquor every morning and spent all day everyday drunk for the next 2 years. My mother has been a women of god since i was 6 and i'm 35 now. All she could do at that time of sorrow was to pray and trust on the lord as she has always have. It had been about a year since i had talked to my future partner. I woke up one morning and told my brother i'm going to find my friend and i drove eight hours walked up to the apartment and turned around and as i walked back to the car i realized i had driven 9 hours so i knocked on the door and we reconnected immediatly.
2/21/2005 i packed my bags and moved in but i was still an alcolholic and i thought that change would help me. 1.5 years later she had my first child and still i promised myself change and it didn't come. I would pray with my mom on the phone and yet i could not find and answer. I would take me great effort to get her to open up as she had put all her past away and tried to forget. She spent most of her life closed up. She fought for me like a true loving women and kept at it. In 2007 i cheated on her i was feeling lonely and we had spent a long time not talking about ourselves and the communication had dissapered yet we could not talk. We were just there together going through the motions. We still loved each other deeply. I see know that a relationship can't work unless your able to communicate affectively. 3/6/2007 i stopped drinking after praying and praying and asking the lord for help. I believe in god i'm just not sure if he answered my prayer or i realized that my family was in jeopardy. 4/14/2008 i get home and the house is empty with just a note on the table. She was planning on leaving the state and contacting me weeks later. As she sated a week later as we began talking was that she could not leave because she still loved me and that who was she to take the kids away from their father. She got pregnant at 16 and her then boyfriend tried to kill her and hy oldest so they left the state. She thought i would try to take the kids from her. We talked and realized that our kids are the most important things in my life. Come to find out she was pregnant with twins, she had been pregnant for two months pryor to her departure. She came back but not sure if for the right reasons. here is a women that is hurt,lonely and it was all caused by my greed and alcoholism but she also was about to have another child. We then found out they were twins. so what is a women to do with no employment, no real friends and no family. She says she stayed because she was scared and i can see that. She says she tried for the last two years but she just doesn't love me anymore and that people have their limits. I'm going through a roller coaster ride because when i was at that point she faught for me and i was able to truly love her again and now the roles are reversed eventhough i was the one that cheated and she has done nothing of that nature. I can't get her to communicate but we talk and laugh but i can he her pain, she says shes empty and i don't know how to fill that void and she doesn't want me too. I told her i will fight for her like she did for me and she says don't, its over there is nothing there. Heres the situation we both can't go nowhere between the mortgage and 6 kids neither of us can afford to be living alone plus she doen't drive since she got ran over in 2003. We still have plans on buying a house so the kids have a stable place as she never had one till i came along. I've change and for the better. If its meant to be its meant to be but i still push her in school because like i tell her no matter what happens between us we still have our beautiful kids we need to raise. No matter what i just want her well being and for her to let go and be happy even if not with me, thats not the issue its the pain that she has carried since childhood. I truly want this women to find happiness somehow even if its not with me. As a father a man i care this women as a person. I make her lunch in the morning as she started working a month ago, i still take her to work, i help her with her homework, i try to talk to her about different things but us is a different story. I asked her what will help you cope and got no answer i then asked her if i left the room will that help and she said yes so i moved to the kids room. I'm a very different man and all i want is for her to let go so she can be happy within herself not with me. I don't know if that makes sense. My moms answer is go to church and pray. I've been praying since before i stopped drinking but not the church part and that starts tonight.
may god bless all of you
and thank you for a place to talk and vent.
sorry for my grammar thinking faster than i can type. I've read some of the comments here and i have apoligezed to her and expressed my deep regret. For the extra pain i have brough to her life. Don't get me wrong i'm not looking for god to fix my marriage i'm looking for god so i can fix myself. I'm not the type of person that vents and sometimes i let it pile up so high that i explode. I'm looking for peace because this is a monkey that i haven't been able to rid myself of and i will carrying this for the rest of my life as she is carrying the fact that the only man she truly left in her life after 93 was me in 2004 and because of my actions i have lost my wife. There isn't a day that goes by that i don't have remorse and guilt for what i have caused. its a thought that has been eating at me since it happended and if i have this big pain hers has to be 1000 times greater than mine. Oh by the way we still have 1.5 years left on the lease which we are going to finish and then we plan on buying the house so the kids can have a place to call home. That part of our plan has not changed as we talked yesturday about all the things we need to get done in the next 4 years.
Hello my name is Colin and I am in this situation where my wife Melissa left me back in may of this year and has filled for divorce and I have not been able to talk to her since I have asked through lawyers that she be willing to go to counseling and try to repair our marriage but she refused.
She states that GOD has released her from our marriage and well her family has encouraged all this with her .
Now I have driven her to this place I was not the best husband I could have been and was emotionally abusive towards her.
I still love her dearly and well I ask and pray to God to soften her heart but there has been no movement at all from her I ask for prayer for reconciliation and ask that all that read this please do the same.
I am standing on GODS word that He hates divorce and my vows.
I am willing to do what ever I could do to save my our marriage and well if I could convince her to go to the intensive marriage therapy I would but the only way this would happened is for God to step in.
Well thanks
Colin
I have a very sad and long story, it relates to most of the ones here. Please pray for the M’s marriage, God is marvelous and i know he is in control.