Love IS a choice. Once you choice to love someone you will "only then" FEEL love towards them.

I believe that if you are a Christian it is your duty to God to take the messy situation you put YOURSELF into and try to fix it. This man is your husband. God doesn't take marriage lightly and just because you got into for the wrong reasons doesn't change His expectations from you. I

believe at this point you need to pray to God and tell Him that you are "willing" to love your husband and that it is your "desire" to begin loving him. I believe God will answer this desire.

But it is YOUR choice to pray and ask God to GIVE you the desire to love him. If you don't at least do this, then you are "choosing" to not love him. And I'll tell you this, God is not happy. He is not happy because you are "willing" to just put up with this man. That is the wrong attitude in my opinion.

The main thing that both posters stated that is accurate is to pray. This is not a cliche answer nor something to be blown off. It is this man's ONLY hope. Only God knows the real hearts of this man and his wife and he understands whether or not the wife is willing to change and whether or not there is something the husband must do in order to begin a potential healing process. But the operative fact here is "only God knows".

He needs to get a word from God and God alone, to know what his next steps should be. It can go either way. The only thing I would suggest is that he nonetheless, even if God reveals that she is not willing to accept his willingness to fix the marriage, for him show her respect and love. This is something we ALL must do regardless of the relationship we are in.

2/21/2005 i packed my bags and moved in but i was still an alcolholic and i thought that change would help me. 1.5 years later she had my first child and still i promised myself change and it didn't come. I would pray with my mom on the phone and yet i could not find and answer. I would take me great effort to get her to open up as she had put all her past away and tried to forget. She spent most of her life closed up. She fought for me like a true loving women and kept at it. In 2007 i cheated on her i was feeling lonely and we had spent a long time not talking about ourselves and the communication had dissapered yet we could not talk. We were just there together going through the motions. We still loved each other deeply. I see know that a relationship can't work unless your able to communicate affectively. 3/6/2007 i stopped drinking after praying and praying and asking the lord for help. I believe in god i'm just not sure if he answered my prayer or i realized that my family was in jeopardy. 4/14/2008 i get home and the house is empty with just a note on the table. She was planning on leaving the state and contacting me weeks later. As she sated a week later as we began talking was that she could not leave because she still loved me and that who was she to take the kids away from their father. She got pregnant at 16 and her then boyfriend tried to kill her and hy oldest so they left the state. She thought i would try to take the kids from her. We talked and realized that our kids are the most important things in my life. Come to find out she was pregnant with twins, she had been pregnant for two months pryor to her departure. She came back but not sure if for the right reasons. here is a women that is hurt,lonely and it was all caused by my greed and alcoholism but she also was about to have another child. We then found out they were twins. so what is a women to do with no employment, no real friends and no family. She says she stayed because she was scared and i can see that. She says she tried for the last two years but she just doesn't love me anymore and that people have their limits. I'm going through a roller coaster ride because when i was at that point she faught for me and i was able to truly love her again and now the roles are reversed eventhough i was the one that cheated and she has done nothing of that nature. I can't get her to communicate but we talk and laugh but i can he her pain, she says shes empty and i don't know how to fill that void and she doesn't want me too. I told her i will fight for her like she did for me and she says don't, its over there is nothing there. Heres the situation we both can't go nowhere between the mortgage and 6 kids neither of us can afford to be living alone plus she doen't drive since she got ran over in 2003. We still have plans on buying a house so the kids have a stable place as she never had one till i came along. I've change and for the better. If its meant to be its meant to be but i still push her in school because like i tell her no matter what happens between us we still have our beautiful kids we need to raise. No matter what i just want her well being and for her to let go and be happy even if not with me, thats not the issue its the pain that she has carried since childhood. I truly want this women to find happiness somehow even if its not with me. As a father a man i care this women as a person. I make her lunch in the morning as she started working a month ago, i still take her to work, i help her with her homework, i try to talk to her about different things but us is a different story. I asked her what will help you cope and got no answer i then asked her if i left the room will that help and she said yes so i moved to the kids room. I'm a very different man and all i want is for her to let go so she can be happy within herself not with me. I don't know if that makes sense. My moms answer is go to church and pray. I've been praying since before i stopped drinking but not the church part and that starts tonight.

may god bless all of you

and thank you for a place to talk and vent.

He states that our marriage has run it's course and that he wants to move on and be happy that he doesn't love me anymore. This young lady since this started I asked her to leave my home because of the disturbance I felt. Now she calls him 3 and 4 times a day he says he is trying to keep her encouraged because I put her back in a bad environment. He got upset because I said she couldn't come back to my home, I was told that I wasn't a Christian because I wouldn't help someone in need.

I believe this is a trick of the enemy, we don't sleep in the same room anymore because he says it makes him feel like he's married. That he has seperated himself from me and he just wants what he wants. I asked him to go to marriage counseling he said he would not because he didn't need it that he didn't love me anymore. I must admit that I have hit him several times throughout our marriage because of unfaithfulness. But it still doesn't give me a right to put my hands on him I was wrong. He said this is the reason he fell out of love with me because of the hitting.

I know in the Word of God it says that he hates divorce and I believe that he can restore my marriage. But I fall helpless every time this young girl calls my husband and they talk for long periods of time. The way he treats her is how he used to treat me and I lose my focus. I am holding on to God's promise and I know that he answers prayer, but the wisdom I got out of this so far is never allow a single woman into your home when married. When he speaks about filing the divorce papers I give in to it and believe that it is really going to happen. I have to stand firm to what I believe and not get caught up in what he says to me.