I answer this woman’s question via my new video podcast! So what do you do when you’re dating someone way older than you and all your friends are against it? You might be surprised by my advice.
About Michael Smalley
"Some of my favorite resources are our latest book A Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage, Don't Date Naked (for young adults).3 Responses to “Q&A: Should I date someone 16 years older than me?”
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I cannot disagree with you more. 2 years ago, my wife of 25 years (at the time) had an emotional affair with someone 17 years younger. I was devastated. I am thankful I saw the signs and found out before it became sexual, which was this guys intention. In my opinion, you should NEVER be involved with someone young enough to be your own child. This is sick and perverted. Lets say, for instance, a 32 year old man wants to start a relationship with a 15 year old girl. You would call him a pervert and pedophile. So what is different about an older woman attracted to a younger man? Nothing, it is still wrong. I have been told that since my wife and this "other guy" were older (he was 28 and my wife 45) that they were both old enough for this to be okay (in a normal setting, not in an affair), and I should not be upset over the age difference. So where do you draw the line at when it becomes acceptable? Who gets to draw that line and decide? Wrong is wrong, no matter how young or old you are. I cannot find anything in the Bible explicitly talking about such a relationship. But neither can I find the topic of abortion either. Some things you simply know are wrong, and age difference like this should be a no brainer. The simple fact that the lady asks the question is question enough to raise red flags.
I disagree with you One Hurt Christian Husband, the bible give us lots of examples where man where much older then women Abraham and Sarah are one. I am from Central America and our culture this is very normal, It is not about age, its about maturity in that relationship. I understand you are hurt, but judging others is not what would less your pain…
I don't live in the Old Testament. There were a LOT of things different in that time, including men with multiple wives that God blessed. So is that acceptable today? Also in earlier Biblical times people married relatives. Also something we don't do today. So I don't buy your Abraham and Sarah argument. There are way too many problems with being with someone who is way younger or older. For one, you grew up in different generations with different perspectives and values. I don't know how you do it in central America, but I can see a HUGE generation gap between my generation and that of my children…language, music, values, interests, entertainment, etc. What happens when a younger spouse suddenly decides they have more in common with your children and cheat on you with them? Or there is discipline problems b/c they don't respect someone their own age "acting" as their elder? The attraction of someone you really have something in common with? What happens when one spouse wants children and the older one doesn't b/c they already have a family and don't want to go there again? Is it fair to the older spouse to be a parent in their later retirement years? Can they safely and sanely manage it? Is it fair to the younger spouse to never have children b/c the older one already has "been there, done that"? You say the Bible has lots of examples, yet you only give one. Give me something from the New Testament. Years before my wife's affair, we were on a marriage retreat with a couple where the man was old enough to be her father. You could easily feel/sense the uncomfortableness in the room from everyone (that should be a sign). When we had to form groups of 4 couples, they were the last couple left to be in a group and we basically got stuck with them and only one other couple. He had children, she never did but volunteered in the childrens department to try to make up for what she missed out on. Was this fair to her? People talked about him robbing the cradle. I agree. Wrong is still wrong, even if it is done in Central America. I hear women in certain place there also go topless on the beaches. So does that mean we should all accept that as normal too? I think not. Our retired minister of our megachurch of 26,000 agreed with Tony Campolo. Let me quote him: Tony was at a wedding and decided he thought the mother of the bride (his age) was more beautiful than the bride. He said that as you grow older, you should be attracted to those with your same interests, age, and maturity. He went on to say, if you are still attracted to the young cheerleader type when you are older there is something very wrong with you. Both of these great leaders got it and preached it right! The same goes for an older woman (maybe going through a mid life crisis?) wanting a younger more vibrant man to make her feel younger again. Still wrong. It is not judging. It is seeing the truth.