Q: My marriage struggles are keeping me up at night. I so bad want to roll over and tell my husband to go sleep in the other room. He is clueless how repulsed I am by his words and behavior. I am tired of losing sleep over him. My frustration is at an all time high and costing me rest. I want to sleep again. Please help!

A: The more I study Scripture the more convinced I become that God wants me to get a good night’s sleep. Worse than caffeine, unresolved anger and conflict has caused many sleepless nights for me.

Some allow their anger to turn to evil plotting and scheming about how they can get even the very next day. The prophet Micah pointed out the sleeplessness of the leaders of Judah calling them to integrity:

Woe to those who plan iniquity,
to those who plot evil on their beds!
At morning’s light they carry it out
because it is in their power to do it. Micah 2:1

Have you ever laid your head on the pillow with thoughts of revenge towards another? Your immediate answer may be “No.” But have you ever rehearsed a conversation in your head at night and think of a few more slams/arguments you could use to get even. You then lose sleep anticipating your arrival at work the next day. Unresolved anger is quick to plot evil late at night.

Maybe it is for this reason that God challenges us to “not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26). It is as much for your wellbeing as it is for the wellbeing of the relationship.

A sound, peaceful, loving and forgiving spirit will give you great rest. If your anger permits you no sleep, and before you go out and spends thousands on a new mattress, turn your anger over to the Lord so that you can sleep. Follow the prescription from Proverbs 3:21-24:

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,
do not let them out of your sight;
they will be life for you,
an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety,
and your foot will not stumble;
when you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Are you going to allow yourself to rehearse the same emotional turmoil, or are you going to turn things around by recognizing that no situation is beyond God’s redemption. No matter what you’ve been through God can use you to bring healing to others—but only after you’ve experienced the healing yourself. You can read the complete explanation of this concept in my book, Change Your Heart, Change Your Life.