We were given a Karma Sutra instructional tape as a gag wedding gift and just recently found it and watched it. It showed 50 different positions and which are good for what etc. It really helped us – and him – be much more confident and feel like he is making me happy. He never believed before because he heard so much about women "faking it".

Anyway, we are both Theology students and it suddenly occurred to me that video was really porn. I know it's silly that I didn't think of that two weeks ago, but I'm really concerned about.. sin and stuff. Any thoughts?

As a side note. We've had amazing sex at least once a day since then. Amazing! And my husband isn't sullen. He helps out more, kisses me more, holds me more all day long. I know it's too soon to tell but It's almost like his depression has lifted. Can something that helped so much be sinful?

The question I ask is "why do we have to watch?"

Why watch two or three(or more) people having publicized sex when i'd much rather watch me and my spouse.

My advice "mirrors" it makes for some of the best porn you can ever watch and it's just you and him/her.

My wife and I do occasionally enjoy porn together. She has fantasies about being with other women, and we sometimes like to indulge in that fantasy, without actually acting on it (to actually act on it would introduce too many risks to our marriage; that is what would be sinful). A lot of Christians would say we're engaged in deeply disturbing, sinful behavior. I would just say we're acting like grown-ups, and those Christians ought to go mind their own business. I tried their so-called "Biblical way" for 30 years. It left me empty, depressed, ashamed, afraid, emasculated, and wanting more. With some research, I also found out that the so-called "Biblical way" wasn't very Biblical at all. It's really just taking a few verses here and there out of both their literary and sociocultural context.

Go enjoy one another as God created you! Really, the main guiding rule when it comes to sex is, simply, don't do anything without the other person's consent.

Bible verses to look up: Matthew 5:28 1

Corinthians 6:18-20

Hebrews 13:4

1 Corinthians 6:18

As a couple we are grateful to be able to help other couples and young adults wade through some of the misconceptions and minefields relating to sex and marriage–as we pursue God's design revealed in Scripture.

Honestly, we have never met any couple (ourselves included) where any exposure or addiction to porn has brought genuine benefit and/or deepened authentic intimacy between them.

We liken intimacy to an iceberg: when people hear the term "intimacy" they think of sex–much like the tip of the iceberg. However, 90% is found below the surface! Emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy define the vast majority of the iceberg.

Using this analogy, couples viewing porn together may experience a temporary improvement in sex itself; yet there will certainly be an erosion of intimacy–emotional, intellectual, and spiritual dynamics are eroded and negatively impacted by viewing pornography!

Jim and Carrie

When I first approached my husband about me secretly viewig porn for the past two months, he was able to open up and admit that he had been secretly buying and watching online porn for two years. I'm glad that this is now out in the open and we talk about it often. I'm no prude. I enjoy sex. Alot. This has opened up many opportunities to 'jump each other'

On the other hand – as a survivor of child-sexual abuse – it conflicted me greatly to see these woman demoralised. Because I didnt grow up looking at any porn at all I was shocked to see how a few 'clicks' can get you from looking at 'consensual sex' to looking at full blown disgusting hurtful & demoralising behaviours. This is why I've backed off porn also.

I now read literotica a little and this tickles my taste buds to chase after my ever patient husband…. Because I'm more often aroused and enjoy sex ALOT more (ie: every other day as opposed to every other month) then his need for to watch porn has backed off immensely and I totally am the object of his affection )

I'm still in the middle about this one… Thinking on it and praying on it but i'm sure God will give me clarity and this website has been helpful also. Thanks Smalley's!

xl_mama – Australia

http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/index.html

It is my view that this is clearly the work of satan. It starts with 2 women kissing each other on an awards show in front of millions of viewers and creeps it's way subtly into our homes that we then think it's normal and ok.

This is a struggle for most men and we would look for any "out" to be able to get to do what we want to.

Porn is so privately excess able that we think no one is watching us and there is no shame in getting it because no one sees us. It's not like having to ask for the magazine behind the clerk's shoulder while there are 10 people in line behind you.

What are we forgetting?Intimacy,design by God for couples.This pleasure God gave to us,sexually,was designed out of his love for us.He did not say,"I will add" and if he did add,it was his son,to show how much he loved us.If my wife fell ill or became disable,I would still love her very intimately.Pornography,whether little or alot,takes your eyes of your spouse period.Remember satan has been good at what he does best,(deception)he's been doing it over 2,000 yrs.The only thing thats adding to your marriage thru pornography,is disaster.C'mon just love your spouses the way Jesus loved the church,"Agape"

Having said that, I agree that pornography can be addictive, but I am not sure that it needs to be demonized. The Church, (esp. American Church) tends to be pretty 'high and mighty' about the issue of sexuality, making it out to be some God ordained and sacred act. Sex is a good thing and a gift, not some religious act – rather it is primarily about making babies, forming a connection between a couple, and having some fun too! Certainly there is something special about it for a committed couple, but it is no more spiritual than breathing air or taking a walk down the street.

As consenting adults, married couples should be able to decide for themselves what is appropriate, not be told what is OK and what is not. Whether you agree with porn or not, you do not have a right to tell others how to conduct themselves in marriage. It should be judged on an individual basis based on its effect on the marriage…

Remember also, that there are also different types of what might be classified as pornography. My wife and I have watched some pretty erotic foreign films which we have found to be fun and useful for our sexual relationship, but neither of us like the 'debby does dallas' kind of porn that some are into. We have had open discussions about what we feel OK about issues like masturbation, pornography, etc and come to an respectful and loving decision based on each others needs and feelings. This has come from experimenting with the boundaries within the frame of our value set, and being brave enough to confront our fears and question our assumptions. We don't feel OK about rampant porn, but feel OK about erotic and quite sensual films. Having said that, this is not an overly regular event for us.

There are shades of grey and as adults we need to decide what is beneficial for our relationships…..even the Apostle Paul said that everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. I live by that and use my mature adult judgment to decide what is best.

I praise the Lord for His wisdom, and may we all seek His eternal sacred love!

Isaac