In LUV Talk a couple follows the same basic actions that occur at the majority of fast-food restaurants. In this illustration, the wife first “places her feelings and needs order,” then her husband acts like the employee. He repeats what he heard her order. “Let me see if I heard you. You are saying that it’s very frustrating when I seem to ignore your feelings of fear when I don’t call to let you know I am safe.” She answers, “Yes, that’s how I feel.” Or she can make corrections to the order if he heard her incorrectly. He then responds by thinking or saying, “So, that’s who you are” (validation). He doesn’t have to agree with her or change any of his behaviors, or feel it’s somehow his fault that she is frustrated. That’s just the way she chose to react to her circumstances. After she feels understood and validated, it’s his turn to share his feelings or needs. Therefore, the couple reverses positions. Now the husband has a turn to respond to his wife’s order or place his own order. She becomes the restaurant employee in order to listen and validate his feelings and needs.

It has been scientifically proven that if a couple can speak to each other with honor, understanding and validation during an argument, the four divorce germs can be eliminated. However, there are very simple rules that must be followed when using “LUV Talk.”

Employee

Customer

L isten
U nderstand
V alidate
R epeat

Talk for yourself

Bite size phrases

Win/Win solutions

For more information on see the book Secrets to Lasting Love or the DVD series Secrets to Lasting Love

The reason I am posting these images is two fold: 1. They are hilarious, and frightening! 2. They remind me, believe it or not, of a marriage principle.

How could these photos possibly remind me of a marriage principle? The point of the photos in the email I received from a friend was to show that the last picture is always the worst. In marriage, this can be equally true when you do not know how to communicate effectively.

Usually the last word ends up being the last.

Here are some great resources we have to help you learn how to better communicate:

• Embrace: 7 powerful discoveries to help any marriage! This series has an excellent session on LUV Talk, which is our communication method for when you are in conflict.
• Reconstructing Love: 4 essentials for lasting love. This DVD series comes with a free workbook and has two really great sessions on how to handle anger and to communicate more effectively with each other.

There are now two different ones you can download, they both say the exact same thing, but one is just a single card that you can print out from your computer, the other is actually an entire page full the of cards, 9 cards in all, that you can print out. All you have to do is cut the card from the sheet and put it in your wallet for future use.

My wife and I had to do this for a while when we first learned this communication method. It’s a great way to keep you arguments under control. Just visit the “free” section of our website to download the cards.