In full disclosure, both my wife and I use Facebook for our personal lives and our ministry along with my dad.  Facebook has not proven to hurt or negatively impact our marriage, but I could not resist posting this very interesting study done in the United Kingdom:

Facebook is bad for your marriage according to research carried out by an online divorce service in the United Kingdom. Divorce-Online scanned their divorce petition database for the use of the word “Facebook” and found 989 instances of the word in over 5,000 divorce petitions sampled.

This means that just under 20% of all the petitions filed through the company had references to Facebook within the text of the divorce petitions.

Managing Director Mark Keenan said “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20% of all the petitions containing references to Facebook. The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to”.

Notes to Editors:

About http://www.Divorce-Online.Co.UK

Founded in 1999, Divorce-Online is the UK leader in online divorce services and solutions that help people obtain an uncontested divorce without the need to visit a solicitor. Divorce-Online.Co.UK has helped over 60,000 couples achieve an amicable divorce.

About the research

Research for Divorce-Online was carried out on 20th December 2009 with a sample size of 5,000 divorce petitions.

So why would Facebook be mentioned in 20% of divorce petitions? My guess is that these couples were abusing the use of Facebook in several different ways:

1. Their spouse may be developing inappropriate friendships with the opposite sex. Or maybe, they are even reconnecting with old flames via Facebook.
2. Their spouse may be simply using Facebook too much.  I’ve heard of people using Facebook for over 6 to 8 hours a day! That would be way too excessive.  I think getting on Facebook for about 30 minutes in a day is decent, maybe pushing the limit, but certainly not abusive.
3. Their spouse is airing out their dirty laundry through status updates.  I’ve certainly heard of people hurt by what their spouse put on Facebook as a status update.  An inability to communicate properly could tempt someone to handle their conflict through a social media as opposed to with their spouse.

What do you think? Why else might Facebook be hurting marriages, and have you been hurt by Facebook in your own marriage?

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If you’d like to keep your marriage strong or even recover in a hurting marriage, then check out our Embrace – 7 powerful discoveries to strengthen any marriage! It’s an instant download resource. Click here to purchase this resource today!

Smart Marriages is an organization founded and directed by Diane Sollee and I get Diane’s newsletter each week (sometimes daily). Peggy Vaughan recently wrote to Diane about the societal factors of infidelity, in other words, a powerful reason why someone might seek out an affair:

Dear Diane,

I just watched Oprah which featured a rare on-camera interview with an Amishcouple (taped prior to the Amish school shooting). The interview revealed that in Amish marriages, there are NO divorces and NO extramarital affairs.

As you know, beginning with the initial publication of “The Monogamy Myth” in 1989, I have advocated looking beyond just the personal failures of individuals or particular marriages to recognize that “societal factors” also play a role in affairs.

The Amish society is quite different from our more general society… which leads their attitudes about marriage to be drastically different as well.

Below are some quotes from the interview that demonstrate this:

Oprah: “What happens if you get tired of each other? What if you say, ‘I don’t want to be married to you anymore?’”

Amish: You go into marriage knowing this is for keeps. There is no divorce. You work on it, you talk about it, you go for counseling if need be.”

Oprah: “Is there any adultery?”

Amish: “No, not that I know of.”

Finally, perhaps the most amazing and inspiring comment of all: “We’re really happy. We have 100% contentment.”

Most of us think everything about the Amish way of life would be impossible, but their lives provide hope that it’s possible to change the larger society’s attitudes about marriage and about extramarital affairs.

Peggy Vaughan
website: http://www.dearpeggy.com
Blog: http://www.dearpeggy.com/blog/

Create an environment in your marriage where divorce is not an option and an affair is not an option and see what happens. If you ever think, “Well, if this doesn’t get any better, then I…” or “I wonder what it would be like to sleep with…” These kinds of thoughts undermine your commitment to the marriage and will have financial, emotional, and spiritual consequences if you continue to think about them.

LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

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Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

via Modern Love – Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear – NYTimes.com.

Effective parenting comes from a solid foundation of unconditional love and acceptance.  You do not have that initially as a stepparent.  Worry more about building up your relationship with the stepchildren through unconditional love and acceptance than worrying about disciplining them.  Often times it is the biological parent that initially needs to keep up the work as the primary discipline force for the kids.  Remember, most kids did not want the divorce and are not happy about it, so don’t push yourself on to them because you want them to accept you.

Take the time to show them you’re serious about their parent and them.  Prove to them that you’re there to stay.  Once they figure out that you are for real, then you will be given the opportunity to have more influence on their lives.

Some legitimate reasons to get remarried are:

• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you find a loving and compassionate man who is equally excited to grow spiritually together and work on the new marriage together.
• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you meet a person who fits your top 10 qualities (or deal breakers) you want in a person.
• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you discover love (not out of desperation) but out of patience and maybe even a little surprise.

Are you catching the theme with these legitimate reasons to get remarried?  The worst thing you can do is get remarried before you’ve healed and grown from the mistakes of your first marriage.  There’s a reason that second marriage have around a 67% divorce rate.  Don’t even think about a relationship until you’ve had someone walk you through what your part was in the demise of the first marriage.  And you had a part, whether you want to admit that or not.  No one is perfect and it does not place more blame on your shoulders by acknowledging what you did to hurt the first marriage.

Heal. Learn. Grow.  Now you are ready to get remarried.

If you watch the news or read the tabloids, then you are well aware of the issues plaguing Jon and Kate from the hit reality show Jon and Kate plus 8. We’ve been contacted by several friends telling us to offer to help them with one of our Marriage Restoration Intensives. Unfortunately, we do not know them or how to get in contact with them.

So I felt like I should write this tip. First of all, do not believe anything you read in the tabloids. I have several close friends who are tabloid magnets, in a major way, and I can assure you that the rumors and lies spread through the tabloids are obscene and totally false! Who knows what is really going on with Jon and Kate, and I would suggest we all hold on assumptions until we hear it directly from them.

What advice would I give Jon and Kate? Ask for help. If you need help, then reach out and search someone who can help you avoid divorce (if that is really what is happening for them). The worst mistake couples make when they are facing a trial in their marriage is when they shut out the world and begin believing they are the only ones hurting. Lots of couples are hurting and we all need to be more authentic with our pain.

The second bit of advice I would give to Jon and Kate would be to slow down and take a step back. When your marriage is in trouble, the best thing you can do is to figure what you have done to contribute. The more you point fingers and blame your spouse, the worse your marriage is going to get. Take personal responsibility for your own actions. This will cause your spouse to relax and it will create an opportunity for self-reflection.

I’ve written about these before, but let me give them to you once more.  Couples divorce when they respond to conflict by:

1. Escalating – yelling, screaming, basically getting out of control.
2. Avoiding – running away from conflict.
3. Dishonoring – name-calling and basic character assassination.
4. Developing negative beliefs – your spouse can not win, no matter what because you have a belief that is negative and possibly incorrect.

These four are the first four mistakes couples make when they get in to conflict. These are the primary mistakes that lead to divorce, but there are more mistakes couples make that do not lead to happy marriages and these other mistakes are secondary, and can most certainly relate back to the first four.

If you want a happy marriage, which I’m pretty sure each and every person who gets married wants, then you have to learn how to avoid these pitfalls during arguments. Arguments are not bad, it is how we respond to arguments that either makes or breaks our marriage (or any relationship).

The other six mistakes couples make during conflict are:

1. They don’t take a time-out when feelings get hurt or things get heated.
2. They play the blame game.
3. They kitchen-sink every argument ever experienced.
4. They go to a third party to complain.
5. They flip flop who’s at fault.
6. They invalidate each other’s feelings or needs.

1. They don’t take a time-out when feelings get hurt or things get heated
I just wrote a five part series on conflict resolution.  One of the parts was taking a time-out.  If you do not take a break and relax, your conflict is going to get out of control. Take a step back and breath. Calm down, and then reengage with each other.

2. They play the blame game.
Do you like it when you’re blamed for something? Probably not, so don’t do it to your spouse. Blaming only leads to more misery. The more you take personal responsibility, the better your marriage will get.

3. They kitchen-sink every argument ever experienced.
Does it feel helpful to bring up past arguments when you are arguing in the present? Does it ever go well to remind your spouse of other times they totally messed up? No. So don’t bring in the past, keep focused on the present and resolve one conflict at a time.

4. They go to a third party to complain.
It is okay to have a close friend where you can get validated and loved well. You can even complain from time to time about something that happened between you and your spouse. But do not make this a habit and you must only talk with a close friend of the same sex. It is never okay to complain about your spouse to the opposite sex, that will only lead to more problems and heartache. When you spend your days complaining about how “bad” your spouse is, you set yourself up to develop powerful negative beliefs that are very hard to get rid of.

5. They flip flop who’s at fault.
If your spouse comes to you with something you did to hurt or frustrate her, do not turn the table and point out something that bothers you. There is nothing more frustrating and hurtful than when your spouse turns the table on the conflict. If your spouse approaches you about an issue, take it like a man (or woman) and stick to that issue. No one likes a flip flopper!

6. They invalidate each other’s feelings or needs.
Validation is my wife’s biggest passion for couples. Her quote when she teaches this concept is so powerful, “You are more important to me than proving myself right or proving you wrong.” Just listen and validate. Do not argue with your spouse about facts or try to justify or explain your actions. Keep quiet and simply ask, “What do you need from me right now?” This is a powerful question that can disarm even the angriest person.

These are 10 of the craziest things people will do when they get in to conflict with their spouse. Great marriage do not just happen, they are built through enrichment and education. Either you are working on your marriage and learning how to better love each other, or you are getting worse.

Part 2 is all about walking away or taking a time-out when your buttons get pushed. What are your buttons? Just click on the word buttons to download a PDF of the most common buttons pushed in an argument. Our research has shown that most women report feeling disconnected or rejected as their most common button pushed in an argument. Men reported their biggest buttons as feeling controlled or like a failure when in an argument. Buttons are important to understand because they are the foundation of why you get upset.

We do not get upset because the trash wasn’t taken out. We get upset because when the trash was not taken out our button of being ignored or invalidated got pushed. The first rule in healthy conflict resolution is to not talk or engage when your buttons first get pushed. Can you tell when your buttons get pushed and you are feeling negative or threatened? If so, then use those negative feelings (i.e. hurt, discouraged, controlled, failure, rejected, ignored, etc.) as a reminder to call a time-out.

Drs. Howard Markman and Scott Stanley discovered, in their groundbreaking 25-year longitudinal study, that couples really only divorce for 4 reasons:

1. Someone escalates when conflict occurs
2. Someone avoids when conflict occurs
3. Someone belittles or dishonors when conflict occurs
4. Someone develops negative beliefs as a result of conflict

(You can get a far more in-depth teaching on these things with our audio series “Embrace – seven powerful discoveries to strengthen any marriage”)

Always remember that conflict is not the problem in unhealthy marriages, those four reasons mentioned above are the problem. How you respond to your buttons getting pushed is the problem. If you respond with any of those four things, then you are headed for divorce. If you respond with a time-out, then you are at least giving your marriage a chance to be happy and satisfied.

Amy and I learned this lesson all too well on our honeymoon. I am the son of a world famous marriage and family expert (Dr. Gary Smalley) who has literally sold millions of books and videos on how to get along. So if anyone should have been ready for a healthy and vibrant marriage, it should have been me. At least that was what everyone was telling me, and I totally bought in to the idea. I bought in to the idea so well that Amy and I did not get premarital education before our wedding! We were young and cocky and our lack of education nearly cost us our marriage and it destroyed our honeymoon.

Embrace goes in to our story in a really crazy way, but I will at least mention here in the post that we ended our honeymoon early because of too much conflict. My feelings got hurt. Amy’s feelings got hurt. We did not know what to do about our constant fighting.

I need to pause here for a moment, because truthfully, Amy did try to tell me we should wait to discuss our conflict until we got home from the honeymoon, but I would not listen. I didn’t know any better. I wanted so desperately to resolve my hurt feelings, I was willing to destroy our honeymoon. You can not resolve hurt feelings (or buttons getting pushed) when on vacation or when you first get upset. We all need a time-out in order to cool down and to be able and think rationally about the situation.

The first major rule of a time-out is to call one when you are upset. Simply say, “I’m upset and I need a break before I can talk about this. Can we talk in an hour?” Now I know what you are thinking, “Isn’t a time-out just a way to avoid?” No. Avoidance is when you simply walk away from the discussion never to talk about it again. A time-out is different because you have to set a time-in. It is not a time-out unless you have a time-in. So before you walk away from each other, you’d better know the exact time you are going to walk back to each other.

Amy came up with a great little system that explains exactly what should happen during your time-out:

1. The first thing you do is let your spouse know that you need a time-out.
   (You might say something like, “I need a break.” “I’m about to say something I don’t mean.” “I don’t feel like this is going to a good place.”)
2. Now you negotiate a time to come back together and LUV Talk.
   (“I think I can talk in about 2 hours, is this okay with you?” “Can we talk about this in an hour?”)
3. The point is to negotiate a time that is agreeable to both of you.
4. Take the break and leave each other alone.
   (During the break, make sure you are thinking about y our part in the conflict. This is not a time to become more upset about your spouse. Try and think about how you could have handled the situation differently. For example things like your approach, tone of voice, nonverbals, defensiveness, or blaming.)
5. Before you come back together, ask yourself if you are ready to hear your spouse’s side of the conflict. If you are not, then reschedule another meeting time.
6. If you are ready to listen, then you can officially begin LUV Talk.
   (You will know you are ready when you are willing to listen and validate your spouse.)

This is how you take an effective time-out.  There is only one more thing I want to tell you before I’m done with part 2.  Never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever get in to conflict during fun time.  Date nights, vacations, family gatherings, school functions, etc. should all be sacred time and free from conflict.  I know you will do things from time to time during fun activities that will bother each other – call a time-out.  Do not try and resolve conflict during fun time.  Just call a time-out and say to each other, “I’m hurt right now, but we are out on a date, so let’s talk about this when we get home.”

Don’t give me any excuses about this final point.  We are not victims of our emotions.  We can tell ourselves to have fun even when things do not go our way.  The reason this last point is so important is because of the research of Dr. John Gottman.  He found a 5 to 1 positive to negative experience ratio with couples who are happily married.  If you protect fun time, then you can go for this 5 to 1 positive experience to every negative experience with each other.  If you reach this ratio, you will be happily married – which last I checked – was the goal of getting married in the first place.

If you want to check out the entire series on conflict resolution, just click.

1. The negative effects of divorce on children
2. Why marriage matters
3. Why marriage education works

Just click on any of the titles above to download the PDF.  I want to be clear that I am not someone who hates people who divorce.  I try to love everyone, no matter what their past is or no matter how they have hurt themselves or others.  I help people who’ve never been divorced, those who are divorced, and even those who are on their 6th, 7th, and 8th marriages. Everyone deserves to be loved and to experience unconditional acceptance and grace.

What gets me angry, however, is when people try to downplay divorce, especially those people who have been divorced. Divorce stinks and it does have negative effects on children and society as a whole. In my opinion, the only valid reasons for divorce are the following:

• Affair/s have taken place and the spouse has not been loyal to the marriage vows.
• Your life has been threatened (i.e. “I am going to kill you.”) or you are being physically abused (i.e. bruising, cuts, etc).
• Emotional abuse is taking place (i.e. “You are so *&*^%$ stupid! I hate you! You are worthless!” In other words, very serious character assassinations.) I have experienced individuals who have tried to use this term unfairly because they are stressed out with their spouse.  Do not use this term lightly, and you should have your relationship evaluated by a professional psychologist before claiming emotional abuse.

Outside of these reasons, I can’t seem to agree with couples getting divorced.  Telling me that you’ve “fallen out of love” is bogus.  Saying that “you just don’t love her anymore” is bogus.  It is not smart to get divorced because you are not getting along.  The reason this is not a good idea is because your next marriage will have the exact same issues.  This is why second marriages have an even higher divorce rate!

Momlogic’s Jackie got steaming mad when Ryan Seacrest told a married father of four, who claimed he was in an emotionally abusive marriage, to leave his wife. Here’s what a relationship expert has to say.

Dr. Michelle Golland: Married but having problems? The best advice is not to divorce, but to go directly into couple’s counseling. I have seen the most damaged and difficult marriages work out and become stronger and healthier than they ever were in the past.

All marriages struggle, but if you have children, they deserve to live in a home free of conflict and anger. This will not end when you divorce, but will most likely increase when you separate and divorce. You will still both be the same people who entered into the marriage and will continue your personal dysfunction in your life apart unless you do some personal work in therapy.

If you are in the battlefield of a difficult marriage, it can seem like you spend most of the day avoiding minefields. The problems seem so overwhelming that they seem impossible to sort out, especially when each partner has created their war chest of hurts, anger, and resentments. Most unhappy marriages begin in the same way and follow a downward spiral that seems to end in the inevitable sadness of divorce. You are not alone: More than half of all marriages end in divorce, and 60% of second marriages fail also. What is frightening is many people can’t understand why.

John Gottman, Ph.D., has coined the phrase the “four horsemen.” These are destructive ways of interacting that directly sabotage any relationship. As each of these become more entrenched, they contribute to the ever-rising negativity in the relationship.

read the rest here Why Divorce Isn’t Always the Answer | Momlogic.

No one likes divorce, especially a guy who works very hard at helping couples to avoid it. But there are literally millions of couples and families dealing with the hurtful effects from divorce, and I need to do a better job reaching out and posting specific articles, research, and other helpful tips for couples who want to be successful in their second (or more) marriages.

Our intensive program is full of couples who are on their second marriage. Even though I have not experienced divorce myself, I do get the chance to work many hours with the effects and special issues of second marriages and stepfamilies through our Marriage Restoration Intensive program.

How do you ensure a successful second marriage? Easy. Work. Education. Work. Patience. Work. More education. Lots more work. And tons of grace. I’m not trying to be goofy, but the very real reality is that second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages. My simplified understanding to this problem is because of the amount of hurt, conflict, and stress the second marriage begins with.

If you want to be successful at your second marriage then you are going to have to put in the time to love each other well and learn each others’ love language (check out Gary Chapman’s book on this). But here are three concrete things you can do to make your second marriage a success:

1. Recognize what you did wrong in the first marriage and fix that immediately.
   You were not perfect, even if you were only at fault for 20% of the problems in your first marriage, you need to spend 100% of your time fixing that 20%.  Whatever dysfunction you had in the first marriage will not magically disappear in your second marriage.  Negative patterns and behaviors have a way of repeating themselves.  Your new marriage will have its own set of issues, so please do not bring in old issues.
2. Learn new ways of dealing with hurt feelings (LUV Talk), anger (LUV Talk), and unmet expectations (LUV Talk).
   LUV Talk is our communication method that you can learn through Embrace, The DNA of Relationships, or Don’t Date Naked and More than a Match.  When things go wrong you need a strict way of communicating feelings and needs.  You need a system to follow in order to keep the conversation safe and productive.  But let me just say this, one of the greatest things you can do when you experience a negative reaction is to simply take a time-out.  This is not permission to withdraw or avoid, but simply permission to say something like, “I am really upset right now and I need about an hour to calm down.  Can we talk in an hour?”
3. Give your stepchildren a break and simply take a big breath.
   One of the most stressful things about a second marriage are the stepkids.  This is not a slam on stepchildren, but rather a reality of second marriages.  Kids from divorce usually do not like the fact that their parents got divorced.  This anger and sadness carries itself in to the stepfamily.  Relax.  Give the kids room to be hurt and upset.  Work on validating any feelings or needs that come out (even if they do it unfairly or angrily).  They need time to adjust to the new family and forcing them to like the new parent will never work out in your best interest.

Well what do you think?  Do these three ideas seem possible?  You can make a second marriage work, it just takes work.  Do not give up, another divorce is only going to make things even more difficult and more painful.  You can do this and you will if you work at becoming more loving and caring toward your spouse and children.

Chris O'Meara/Associated Press

What can the Masters golf tournament teach you about your marriage? Just check out Steve Wilson’s story.  This week, at the Masters, Steve Wilson made is professional PGA tour event debut!  Could you imagine making your debut at the Masters? I couldn’t imagine making a debut at my home course, never the less the Masters!

AUGUSTA, Ga. — A week ago Steve Wilson was in his Mississippi gas station and convenience store preparing his customers’ favorite item: a hot-pressed roast beef po’ boy sandwich with gravy.

On Thursday, Wilson stepped onto the first tee at the Augusta National Golf Club with the two-time Masters champion Tom Watson and the Englishman Ian Poulter as partners. Wilson, 39, an amateur golfer and gas station owner who has been having recurring nightmares about a golf ball that refuses to go in the hole, is a Masters tournament rookie.

“You can’t make a story like this one up,” Wilson said in a modest drawl beside the Augusta National clubhouse.

Though Wilson drove the ball well, including a long tee shot down the middle of the first fairway, he three-putted several greens and finished with a seven-over-par 79. He conceded he was nervous performing before the large galleries. (NY Times)

But this story is not simply about Steve Wilson’s journey from a humble gas station in Mississippi to the Masters golf tournament, this story is about what Steve’s experience means for your marriage.  I heard on ESPN radio that Steve reported quiting golf nearly 50 times! Steve Wilson has walked away from golf and come back nearly 50 times, and he’s only in his 30’s!

Just think about what Steve would have missed in his golfing career had he truly walked away after the 2nd time quiting.  What about after the 30th time or the 49th time?  He never would have set foot on the hollowed ground of Augusta National and the Masters! The same is true for your marriage.  Never give up, never quit because you never know what you will miss by walking away prematurely.

Even though you marriage gets rough, feels impossibly difficult and that it will never get better, do not quit because the Masters may be right around the corner.  I am not talking to those in a marriage where there is sexual, physical, or emotional abuse.  Those things are unacceptable.  But for most marriages that end in divorce, these things are not present.  Most couples divorce because they permanently quit when things get too hard.

Never give up, keep coming back, and most importantly, keep working on your own marriage game.  The better skilled you get at marriage, the better your marriage will be.

Hi everyone! This is my first post to this site, although I have been looking around for the past week and everyone seems very helpful.

Here’s my situation. I’m 27, husband is 31. We’ve been together for about 8 years, and will be married for 4 in May. We have 2 kids, ages 2 and 5 months. 2 weeks ago, my husband dropped a bomb on me and told me he was no longer in love with me, and was afraid that if things didn’t change we would be heading for a divorce. I was/am devastated. I knew that some things needed to change in our relationship, but I had no idea that these things were affecting my husband so much to the point where he was considering leaving and was no longer in love with me.

via Need some help – Talk About Marriage.

Always remember that the event is never the problem, it is the button the event pushes that truly stresses you out.  For example, it is not that this woman’s husband dropped a bombshell of divorce that is so hurting to her.  It is that when he dropped the bombshell, he pushed a button of her’s like feeling rejected, like a failure, disconnected, or maybe even defective.

You can download a sheet (for free) of the main hot buttons that get pushed by various events. The most important question you can learn to start asking yourself when you are experiencing a negative emotion with your spouse is, “What is actually bothering me about this?”  Keep asking yourself this question until you get to a hot button.

Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David divorce payout of $43 million from her former CEO husband isn’t enough to live on.

Marie Douglas-David, 36, a former investment banker, says she requires her 67-year-old husband, George David, to pay her more than $53,000 a week.

George David is worth some $329 million, according to the news outlets covering the Connecticut divorce trial say. David stepped down last year as chief executive

at Hartford, Conn.-based United Technologies Corp. but is still chairman of the board.

via Marie Douglas-David Divorce; $43M Not Enough To Live On? – Original News: The Post Chronicle.

The leader of the movement to ban same-sex marriage in Florida now wants to make it harder and more expensive for heterosexual couples to marry — and divorce.

Just as he says gay unions would undercut the institution of marriage, John Stemberger thinks the casual way people get married and the ease by which they can divorce threatens the foundation of society. His goal is to change that.

“Harder to get in and harder to get out,” said Stemberger, head of the Orlando-based Florida Family Policy Council.

Stemberger’s “Strong Marriages Campaign” is promoting a Premarital Preparation bill before the Florida Legislature that would add $100 to the state’s marriage-license fee. Those who attend eight hours of premarital counseling would get their money back.

via Would $100 marriage-license fee help prevent divorce? — OrlandoSentinel.com.

I ran across this article from The Southtown Star and had to comment.  There is no such thing as a simple divorce! Even though this woman says that they have only been married for 18 months, have no assets, and no children – it will still be difficult.  If I am correct, she has yet to sit down with the lawyer and her husband in the same room.  Trust me, once that happens she will refrase “simple” to “complicated, hurtful, and damaging”.

Q : My husband and I have been married for about 18 months, and we plan to divorce. We have no children, do not have a lot of assets and live with his parents.

We went to a lawyer, and he wants $2,000 to handle the divorce, and we have to get separate attorneys. We cannot afford to get a divorce, and we do not want to stay married. What can we do?

Simple divorce an option :: The SouthtownStar :: Business