
There are five acts of love that will totally rock your marriage! They might sound kind of cliche at first, but stay with me because if you and your spouse will implement these five things in to your marriage you will never stop thanking me for this post!
You see, when people first get married they simply believe that their love is true and their love will last. But as many suffer through the effects of divorce, this belief is obviously not enough to keep the marriage healthy and thriving. No matter how you start off in your marriage, happy, sad, thriving, or stumbling through the gate, every couple has to learn these five acts of love if they are going to remain happy.
ACT ONE – HAVE FUN TOGETHER
I know this first act seems a tad obvious, but ask yourself this (especially if you are stressed out in your marriage), when is the last time you just went out together and had fun? Been a while hasn’t it. Kids, the economy, the fact that you don’t like each other are all forces working against you simply going out and having fun. But do not (absolutely refuse) allow these factors to keep you from having fun together!
Pick a night of the week you can designate as fun time for your marriage. Keep this night sacred. Do not give yourself excuses to miss this night and do not allow yourself to have conflict on this night. If something happens during the evening and you get your feelings hurt, save the discussion for later when you return home. If it is still an issue for you, then you can have a calm discussion about the problem, but just not on your date.
ACT TWO – JOIN A SMALL GROUP TOGETHER
One of the best predictors of health for a couple is whether or not they are actively involved in a small group or Sunday school class with other couples. Whenever I do a Marriage Restoration intensive I make sure and have the couple agree to joining a small group if they are not already involved in one (most of them are not, which is not surprising).
Small groups provide support, encouragement, and accountability. These are all things that help encourage you to be healthy and out of conflict.
ACT THREE – LEARN TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
Do you know how to resolve conflict? Probably not, and believe me when I write, most people do not know how to resolve conflict when they get married. Conflict resolution is not a natural skill, in fact, we are more naturally prone to mess up conflict resolution!
We teach a communication skill called LUV Talk, you can learn more about this through our Embrace audio series and the DNA of Relationships DVD series. If books are more your style, then check out The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed of and More Than a Match.
ACT FOUR – KEEP FUN TIME SACRED
And no, this act is not the same as act one, but it does compliment act one quite nicely. Dr. John Gottman says that couples who are happily married have a 5 to 1 positive experience to every negative experience together. So one of the smartest things you will ever do for your marriage is keep fun time sacred. What does this mean you ask? It means that you do not argue or mess up fun time if one of your buttons gets pushed. You simply call a time-out and agree to discuss whatever came up later at home or after the vacation is over. Do not ruin a perfectly good date night be getting in to conflict. You will start noticing that some of the things you get all worked up over end up not being that big of a deal by the time you get home.
ACT FIVE – GIVE ALLOWANCES FOR EACH OTHER’S FAULTS
Your spouse is not perfect, and the big secret is, neither are you! So relax a little bit when your spouse makes a mistake. Giving allowances for each other’s faults is like giving your spouse a present they did not ask for, but are blown away by. The more we can take a deep breath and relax with our spouse, the more we will create an environment our spouse actually enjoys. The more our spouse enjoys our company, the better our marriage is going to be.
I hope you take each of these five recommendations to heart and implement them in to your marriage. Great marriages do not just magically happen, they are the result of your own hard work.