We’ve spent a lot of time so far focusing on how important our hearts are, how easily they’ve been wounded and shut down by events in our pasts, and how to reopen them again. We have learned how we can transform our beliefs and meditate on key Bible verses to change our lives. And in the last chapter, we unpacked many of the ways we can nurture and nourish each other’s hearts in marriage so that they remain open, with love flowing freely. But right about now we can hear you saying, This is good stuff about the heart, Smalleys and Cretsingers, but I thought this book was going to focus on my remarriage. Seems like open hearts and love for God and others are important in any healthy, loving relationship. What makes remarriage different?

Ahh, we’re glad you asked. If you are preparing for remarriage or helping couples prepare for remarriage, you need to know there are many unique circumstances and situations that make remarried hearts more vulnerable to confusion, hurt, anger and conflict than hearts looking forward to being joined in a first marriage. If you’re already remarried, you probably know exactly what we mean. (But don’t skip this chapter, because we’re going to outline ways to make sure you both have healed hearts in your remarriage, so that it can last a lifetime.)
Closed for Business

When a marriage ends because of death or divorce, it leaves a void, an empty space in the heart, whether you experienced the loss or were the one who did the leaving. Regardless of how a marriage ends, it causes devastation, even when it is accompanied by a feeling of relief. The Bible says that when two people are married, they become “one flesh.” If that is true, and we believe all of God’s Word is true, then when a marriage ends, it tears that one flesh apart. Ouch!

When a loss of such magnitude is suffered, people react in a variety of ways to try to fill the now-empty space inside or to dull the guilt and pain of the consequences that came with their actions. Some numb the pain with alcohol drugs, food, work, television or any other method or substance they can think of to escape. Some let their anger take over the space inside, growing roots of bitterness toward a former spouse or at God and dead-bolting the doors of their heart. The most common way that most people fill the void left by a spouse who is no longer there is to jump too quickly into a new romantic relationship.

Talk to remarried couples about what they did right and wrong during their courtship. Find out how they feel they could have better prepared for remarriage.

The problem with all of these misguided efforts is that they cut off the healing process and keep the heart in pain—but the one in agony doesn’t know it! The “good” feelings induced by alcohol, drugs and even food, or the emotional high of receiving affection and admiration from a new person form a nice, neat scab over the heart’s gaping wounds. But without taking time to clean out the heart first, the deep emotional wounds will eventually fester and hearts will become closed for business

If we want America to heal from the self-inflicted wounds of divorce, unwed child bearing, and dead-beat fathers we need an America where the vast majority of couples place high value on their relationship with God, honoring each other and respecting the environment.  How many irresponsible individuals like hedonists, addicts, prostitutes, and absent fathers can America handle before the very fabric of our society crumbles?

Imagine how a loving, thriving marriage community in America would impact its very foundation.  The results would be staggering and culture-changing.  So how many healthy couples would it take to create this kind of revolution in America?    We need to ask the respected sociologists this question.