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Parenting Tip: How can you mess with your kid today?

Michael Smalley — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:32:08 +0000

I’m in Boise, Idaho working with Unity Media Group (www.iquestions.com) on a new premarital curriculum. Dennis Mansfield was gracious enough last night to pick me up from the airport at around 12:00 a.m. and take me to his home to crash for the weekend while we work on our project together.

Dennis is like a soul-brother. We are both high energy, weird guys who love to have fun. We stayed up to about 1:30 a.m. just talking and laughing with his 17-year old son Colin. What does all this have to do with today’s parenting tip?

I think parents need to have more fun with their kids. We can quickly get bogged down with life, school, sports, and other activities while shuttling our kids from place to place. We’ve got to remember to have fun and mess with each other. Don’t take your life too seriously. Loosen up and shake things up from time to time with your kids.

This morning, as Dennis and I were leaving his home, I asked if his son was still asleep. Dennis and I are so cut from the same clothe that I could see his mind spinning with possibilities with just my asking of the question. We both ended up with a sly smile on our faces. He said, “What should we do to him?” That was all I needed!

We snuck in to Colin’s bedroom and both of us quietly crawled in to bed and spooned Colin from both sides! The poor boy was sound asleep, so we moved in even closer hoping he would wake up. Finally his eyes opened to find me only inches away from his face. His words will last forever in my mind, “This isn’t creepy or anything…”

Mess with your kids today, have fun, get crazy. The more you have fun together as a family the more your family will want to stick together.

Mindset shifts key to effective parenting, expert tells conference

Michael Smalley — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:04:53 +0000

Dr. Maggie Mamen, a clinical psychologist and author of three books, talked Friday about what can happen if parents change their mindset.

Timmins Daily Press – Ontario, CA.

Parenting tip: Thanksgiving is a time for reflection

Michael Smalley — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:03:12 +0000

The Thanksgiving holiday is here again. Children and parents are busy with their own activities throughout the year, so this holiday offers an opportunity to bond with family members, which may include extended family.

Parenting tip: Thanksgiving is a time for reflection | SavannahNow.com

Parenting teens is hard, but not impossible

Michael Smalley — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:29:06 +0000

Parenting teens is hard, but not impossible | Freep.com | Detroit Free Press.

Couples With Children With ADHD At Risk Of Higher Divorce Rates, Shorter Marriages

Michael Smalley — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:07:16 +0000

ScienceDaily (Oct. 22, 2008) â€” Parents of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are nearly twice as likely to divorce by the time the child is 8 years old than parents of children without ADHD, the first study to look at this issue in depth has shown.

Spiritual and Biblical Insights about Sibling Rivalry

Michael Smalley — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 23:54:22 +0000

Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob. Genesis 25:28

* Since sibling rivalry is rivalry over the approval, praise, and attention of parents, when parents favor one child over the other, very bitter sibling rivalry can ensue.Â

Validate Your Teen

Michael Smalley — Tue, 08 Apr 2003 04:15:27 +0000

At a marriage seminar we lead every month, we asked the adults: “What do you wish your parents had done differently during times of conflict when you were a teenager?” Can you guess what the top two answers were?

Adults wished their parents would have listened more.
Adults wished they could have talked more about their feelings.

We also asked these adults, “Now as parents, which things most frustrate you about your teenagers?” Amazingly, the exact things they wished their parents would have done differently are the things they get upset about with their teens.

Teens don’t talk about how they feel.
Teens don’t always listen.

Communication, listening, and sharing feelings are at the heart of validation. The amazing truth about conflict is that, if used correctly, it allows you to validate your teenagers by listening to them and understanding them. Validation simply means that you value a person’s opinions, ideas, concerns, needs, and feelings. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what they’re saying but you give them a sense that you really “get” them.

During a conflict, either you can force your teen to agree with your position or you can provide him with an experience of being heard and understood. The latter option is validation. When you validate someone, you don’t argue about what he’s saying; instead, you seek first to understand. If you are able to validate your son, he should walk away with a very clear message: “Mom thinks my opinions, needs, and feelings are valuable.” What tremendous gift!