I’ve been a supporter of Tiger ever since he burst on to the scene as a professional golfer, and honestly, even before that when he was winning amateur championships. It pains me to see what he is going through and to be hearing all the rumors of sex with other women. Things seem to be getting worse for Tiger, and sponsors may be starting to rethink their support. Tiger is on every newspaper, magazine, and TV news-lead in the country, but no one is talking about his potential sexual addiction.
If the rumors are true, and some very damaging evidence is coming out daily to prove these women’s stories, then Tiger is not just having affairs, he’s in the midst of a potential sexual addiction. Did you know The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity estimated that:
6%-8% of Americans are sex addicts, which is 16 million-21.5 million people. (Source: Cooper, Alvin, Dana E. Putnam, Lynn A. Planchon, and Sylvain C. Boies. “Online Sexual Compulsivity: Getting Tangled in the Net.” Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 6:79-104.)
Sexual addiction is not rampant, but it certainly is affecting a lot of people in the United States. What is sexual addiction? PsychCentral.com gives a good definition:
Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.
For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.
In normal terms, someone with a sexual addiction is not just struggling with affairs or pornography, they are totally engrossed in these activities. It’s like they can not stop themselves and their behavior dramatically hurts their families and work life. Addiction is a horrible thing for people because many addicts do not want to do what ever it is they are addicted to, and most feel horrible about their addiction, but they can not stop themselves without a serious intervention.
I hope Tiger gets his intervention. He needs one and I know he is involved in marital counseling, but he is going to need individual work as well.
Shame drives addiction. So, if he is a sexual addict, imagine how much harder the media attention makes his recovery. There are a couple of things, beyond the impact of these revelations of his behavior, that really sadden me. One is the frenzy to know all the details. He’s a real human being. Which one of us, having sinned, would be able to deal with our failings being made public like Tiger’s are? Two, I have Christian friends who are lamenting that he’ll never recover from this. That no matter what he does from now on, he’ll never be the same.
You know what? I hope that Tiger is never the same. I hope that he is healed from this experience. I hope that he is changed and strengthened from what he learns. I hope that he becomes an excellent example of what can happen when one repents.
It’s devastating to me that some people are using him as an example to young people that once you blow it, there’s no recovering. If there is any hope in the gospel, that’s simply not true. If it were, there is no hope for any of us. No, he’ll never be the same. Who is to say that a facade of perfection is preferable to whatever it takes to grow to real maturity and authenticity? I hope that Tiger and his family emerge from this better than before because they’ve dealt with what needs to be dealt with. By the grace of God, I wish that for all of us.
Whoa! What great insight Amy! Thanks so much for sharing. I totally agree and only wish the best for Tiger and anyone who is suffering.
Tiger is not alone. There are many of us out there that can relate to the stories coming out about his exploits (only many of us did not act out on a global scale). Fifteen years ago, when I disgraced my marriage, there was little professional help, few support groups and not much comfort offered by most churches. Fortunately, God’s grace and provision did not allow the lack of resources deter me. I did find good help and our church that stood with me and my wife. Significant help is avaialable today through you, Michael and ministries like the one I work with and even the church is coming on board with support groups for sex addiction springing up all over the country.
My husband is a sex addict. Just as stated above his problem has has to progress from magazines, to internet, to contacting people for sex. As of last week when I found this out I had to ask him to leave. We have been married for 13 years and have kids from 12 to 3. This has not been a hidden sin, we have worked on this and he knew that if this progress and kept occurring our marriage would be the cost. He sadly has not gotten help and here we are. I do believe it is finally causing him some pain and brokenness that he so badly desires to change. Pray for him to continue to seek the help he needs. He is in a 14 week intensive recovery class, and counseling for him and possible with me. I will be attending a spouse class as well for 14 weeks. I am trusting God to put our marriage back together, but first I am trusting Him to heal us both.
My husband is a sex addict. Just as stated above his problem has has to progress from magazines, to internet, to contacting people for sex. As of last week when I found this out I had to ask him to leave. We have been married for 13 years and have kids from 12 to 3. This has not been a hidden sin, we have worked on this and he knew that if this progress and kept occurring our marriage would be the cost. He sadly has not gotten help and here we are. I do believe it is finally causing him some pain and brokenness that he so badly desires to change. Pray for him to continue to seek the help he needs. He is in a 14 week intensive recovery class, and counseling for him and possible with me. I will be attending a spouse class as well for 14 weeks. I am trusting God to put our marriage back together, but first I am trusting Him to heal us both.