The word of the day is patience.  I’ve been working with couples for almost 16 years now, and what I’ve realized over all this time is that too many couples quit before they can experience growth and healing.  Why can’t we wait for another day?  We can get so determined that life is over, our marriage is horrible, and nothing is ever going to change, that we forget there is always hope in Christ!

It is never too late, too long, or too anything.  Your marriage is worth the wait.  I know many of you are hurting, but if you focus on the hurting then your life will slow down and feel miserable.  If you focus on God and what you can do to change your circumstances emotionally without your spouse ever changing, then things begin to look up.  If you believe that your current level of happiness is determined by what your spouse does or does not do, then good luck! That is a recipe for disaster.

Our feelings are the result of our choices.  So choose to make it today.  Choose to stay in this marriage as long as it takes. Never give up, never stop trying to figure out a way to be a better spouse (especially if your spouse is misbehaving or being hurtful).  Of course I’m not talking to those people who are being abused physically or emotionally.  I’m talking to the majority of people who simply do not feel they can stay in a marriage any longer because they are not getting along or communicating well.

A great marriage is only great because two people were willing to stick it out through the tough times and were humble enough to learn (individually) how to be a better spouse. Am I being too harsh?  What do you think?

The personal pain of the Tiger Woods and his family hits home to so many Michael and I come into contact with. I have seen the hurt in the wife’s eyes as she realizes the reality she once lived in was a lie. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I have to be honest, I asked Michael, “Are you living some other life I don’t know about?” I was half kidding but I was still questioning it too. I think I know Michael more than anyone else. I think I know his hurts, what he likes, what he doesn’t like, but I’m not in his mind. I don’t know what thoughts Satan tries to put into his head. To his credit Michael’s response was… of course funny… but reassuring. He, after cracking a joke first, did look me in the eyes and say, “No I’m not having an affair.” Sometimes I just need that security said out loud. You can say I’m over emotional, insecure, or whatever but to know that I can ask my husband an important question like that and he not become defensive, but humor me and validate why I might be questioning any man’s loyalty right now was comforting.

I think we can brush this off as too much money, too many women throwing themselves at Tiger, or too much fame, but I want to take the opportunity to challenge myself and my marriage. Will you do the same? I do not want to instigate fear and insecurity but I do want to learn how to listen to Michael in a better way. The only way to prevent this type of situation from happening is to draw closer to God and closer as couple, because we are all vulnerable.

Listening, really listening, takes a great deal of effort. Because Michael and I are so different every time he has something going on that’s really big I have to literally step outside myself and put myself in his shoes, the way he wears them. He cares about things but not in the same way I do. If you haven’t noticed social norms are not a priority to him. He wants to succeed on his terms and it makes it difficult for me to identify with him many times because he doesn’t feel the way I do. I am challenged continually to look at the world through his eyes. And I’m so thankful because I don’t want to see things only from one perspective. Michael’s world has so much color, noise, and excitement! If I didn’t appreciate that about him it would drive us apart and I wouldn’t care about listening to him.

Compassion means going to the depths of whatever the other person is feeling. I’m so glad I can have an honest and understanding conversation with my spouse about a current trial and feel I’m met with the same. If you don’t feel like you are being understood or over looked please seek the great Counselor first then maybe one of us. I have the privilege of meeting with people who are truly struggling to bind themselves to Christ in the middle of troubling marriages and divorces and I believe I can testify for them in this, without Christ they wouldn’t be making it! There is a strength and humility that comes when we draw ourselves to Christ. The blessed assurance of Christ sets us free indeed, no matter what.