Father’s Day is officially behind us, but we wanted to know what you did on Father’s Day.  So leave us a comment as a “tell all” and we will choose five lucky winners to receive a free copy of “Amazing Grace for Fathers” by Jeff Cavins, et al.

One of the greatest books written of all time is Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”. In this ground breaking book, Chapman helps us learn that our spouse (and of course overselves) have basically 5 love languages, or five unique ways that we experience love.  Quickly, the five love languages are:

1. Acts of service
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Physical touch
5. Words of affirmation

I’m curious about which is your top love language.  So take the poll and let me know which of the 5 love languages is most important to you.

We want to know about your favorite memory of dad! So leave us a comment and tell the world about the pure awesomeness of your dad!

We were driving 11 hours from Houston to Branson for our kids to attend the incredible Christian camp, Kanakuk. The drive had been easy, apparently too easy, as we exited I 540 to hit highway 71 toward Branson in Fayetteville, Arkansas. As I exited, our van suddenly skipped out of Drive and seemed to slip into Nuetral and the RPM’s roared out of control! I’m no where near a car expert, but I even knew something horrible had happened to the engine or transmission.

Our expectations were to hit Branson at around 6pm, barbecue with my family, and then have a couple of days in Branson to play before going to Kamp. These plans were instantly changed as we sat in a parking lot trying to get a hold of a transmission repair guy. Now I want (need) to be honest at this point, so with full disclosure, my attitude stunk big time! I snapped at my wife, my children, and some poor woman driving in front of me completely clueless to why I was honking at her to get moving through the light before the van died again.

The question is, why did I get upset and snap at my family and a random female driver? Because reality and my expectations were too far a part. Is it bad to have expectations? No, not necessarily. But how are we to handle ourselves when our expectations are not met? That is the key to a healthy relationship.

It is unrealistic to think our expectations are always going to be met, because they will not. Instead of blowing up at my family and a random female driver, I could have done the following:

* Taken a time-out
This is easily the best thing we can do when our expectations are not met. We need time to gather ourselves and to begin the process of choosing the best reaction possible. If you do not take the time to think about your reactions, your reactions will most likely be hurtful and immature (i.e. honking at a random female driver). A time-out gives you perspective and also gives time for the Holy Spirit to give you guidance in how you could respond.

* Adjusted my expectations on the fly
The moment I realized that my expectations were not going to be met, I could have begun the process of adjusting my expectations. I could have realized that getting to Branson on Friday was no longer possible, so how could I make the best out of the current situation. Asking yourself the question, “How can I make the best out of this situation?” is a great way to adjust expectations.

* Prayed
I know, prayer always seems to be the answer, but guess what, it always is the answer! I think the evil one wants us to feel like mentioning prayer is trivial, but it is not, and should always be utilized when things get out-of-hand. I could have cried out to God in my moment of need and let the Holy Spirit do the job the Holy Spirit does, to influence and guide me through the fog of unmet expectations.

Watch Michael Smalley’s latest lunchcast video answering your most pressing questions!

Last week we had a huge response on what you would want to change in your spouse. This week we are focusing on you! What would be that one big thing you would want to change in your own life? If Amy and I have learned anything over 15-years of helping people, it would be that the longer you focus on someone else’s issue, the longer you suffer.

The best thing we can do is focus on what we need to change. Even if we do not feel like our spouse is responding, we still have to do the right thing when it comes to our own behaviors and attitudes!

So leave us a comment on what you wish you could change about yourself below.

I came across this research article the other day and thought it was very interesting in terms of how fast food has affected our ability to be patient, which seems to be a major theme for me right now in working with couples:

April 15, 2010 — Despite saving us time, fast food may make us impatient and more likely to seek instant gratification, new research finds.

University of Toronto researchers Chen-Bo Zhong, PhD, and Sanford E. DeVoe, PhD, conducted a trio of experiments before coming to that conclusion in a report published in Psychological Science.

The first experiment found that exposure to fast-food symbols increases reading speed even when there’s no pressure to read fast. In the experiment, they randomly assigned 57 college students to look at the center of a computer screen but ignore the corners. Those in the fast-food group were exposed to fast-food logos, flashed in the corners too quickly for the conscious mind to register the images. Those in the comparison group looked at blank squares in the corners. Next, when they all read a passage, those exposed to the logos had a faster reading speed.

You can read the whole article here.

I came across a very interesting article on loneliness in USA Today:

Jody Schoger felt utterly alone, “curled up like a turtle” in her hospital bed, where she was fighting a life-threatening infection after breast cancer surgery.

read the rest here…