The Washington Post “Faith” section recently posted this article on the pending Gore divorce:

I know, I know. Separation and divorce are supposed to be bad. Marriage is a sacrament to many, a promise and a moral commitment to God and each other. Certainly everyone I talked to was shocked that the Gores were letting go of that commitment. “How sad” was their initial reaction.

But there’s another way to look at it. The Gores have handled their decision to separate with dignity and grace. In doing so, they have given us all a great gift — an opportunity for a deeply important and mature conversation about the changing nature of marriage in a time when women have equal opportunities, when people are getting married later in life and when life expectancy is much longer.

Not only should we respect their decision, but in some ways we should rejoice in it.

I have known Al and Tipper Gore for almost as long as they have been married. There is no question they were very much in love. They were affectionate with each other, warm, teasing and respectful. I never heard a hint of any scandal.

They were together for 40 years, raised four kids, shared a lot of pain and a lot of joy, they have had an extraordinarily exciting life together and they should be proud of that. But people change, even those who are deeply committed to each other.

Remember, the Gores were 20 and 21 when they married. Today, the median age for marriage is 27 or 28. Most 20-year-olds don’t even know who they are and certainly not who they will become. The person you commit to at age 20 might not be the same person 20, 30, 40 years later. “Til death do us part” is a vestige of a time when life expectancy wasn’t much lower. Given the normal span of our lives these days, such a vow is totally unrealistic.

People change and grow in different directions. That’s seems to be what happened to the Gores.

(read the rest here)

What drivel! It is still amazing to me how our society is trying to force feed divorce right down our throats! It’s like no one is actually spending the time to read the overwhelming research (secular mostly and some Christian) of the negative effects of divorce on children, adults, and society. Entire counties here in Texas are going bankrupt because of divorce. Divorce cost the tax payers more than the Iraq war when measured over the same period of time!

There, I finally got that one off my chest. But maybe some of you agree with the Washington Post…so what say you?

1. Become soft and tender with the person. The first step is to become soft in your mind and spirit. Lower your voice and relax your facial expressions. This reflects honor and humility; and as Proverbs 15:1 suggests, “A gentle answer turns away anger.”

2. Understand, as much as possible, what the other person has endured. It’s important to genuinely understand the pain your mate feels and how she has interpreted your offensive behavior. Ask for her interpretation of what occurred. The goal is to listen and understand what your mate is feeling. Resist defending yourself, lecturing, or questioning why she did or didn’t do something. The best way to accomplish this is by using the “Drive-through Talking” technique described on p. 18.

3. Admit the person has been wounded and admit any wrong in provoking that hurt. The third step is to take ownership of your offensive behavior. A person feels valuable when she hears you admit your mistake, and sees that you understand how she feels. Sometimes this is all it takes to open a closed spirit.

4. Touch the person gently. If you try to touch someone with a spirit knotted in anger, you will find out just how deep the hurt is. The first response may very well be a stiffening or pulling away—but persistent softness expressed in meaningful touches, like the gentle massage of a knotted muscle, can go a long way toward draining anger and negative feelings.

5. Seek forgiveness and wait for a response. The final step is to give the person the opportunity to respond to your confession. Ask if she could find it in her heart to forgive you. You’ll know true restoration has occurred when forgiveness is granted and she allows you to touch her.

As I live and breathe God is good.  Though cancers may come to our bodies or marriages, as long as we have breath, we have freedom in Christ.  Even though it may seem this world or Satan has taken over your husband or wife, even still do not grow bitter.  When we grow hard in our hearts we grow cold and isolated.  My friends we cannot lose sight of the best friend we have- our deliverer! 
 
When this world and people try to steal you away, dig deep within your soul and evaluate the cost of growing bitter.  I’m firmly convinced this is the meaning of Eph. 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin:  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.”  This is about a season of unresolved anger.  It’s not about a night- but night after night. 

I can’t tell you how God can change your bitterness to blessing but obedience is the start.  Start drawing yourself to Christ and He will release you from your darkness and pain.  God never puts more on us than we can bare, so don’t you think drawing closer to Him might be a good idea? God has a plan for your life.   Will you trust him with your obedience and see where He takes you?  Staying in a marriage that’s terrible is painful but living a life away from God is unbearable- so don’t try.  Try true obedience- real obedience- only you know if you are holding something back from God.  Allow God to handle the big stuff; your job is to open your heart to Him. 

Don’t look for reasons to divorce but seek the benefits of obedience.  You have such an opportunity to feel God’s presence in your life like you haven’t before.  Why are we so scared God doesn’t want to give us the abundant life only He can give?  We seek the love of our spouse that may not be obtainable instead of the complete love of our true prince. 
 
Take the time to be obedient, do the right thing, and walk out your commitment to Christ first and you’ll find peace in God before you make any big decisions.  When you are bitter you can’t be close to God- so you know you aren’t ready to make a big decision. God will be patient with you, take the opportunity to allow Him to guide you into a deeper relationship with Him first.  God is good even when we are in pain.  Wrestle with it until you believe it!  You may come out with a limp like Jacob but you will be blessed.

This post is about helping you let go of complaints about your spouse. So let it all out! But remember to keep these ideas private from your mate, because ultimately, the biggest thing you can do to impact your marriage is worry more about your issues than your spouse’s issues.

There are things your children are going to do that will make you want to trade them in for another child!  They will hurt you, frustrate you, embarrass you, humiliate you, disappoint you, discourage you, and basically wipe you out from time to time.  No child is perfect, therefore no parent will ever miss out on the opportunity of being wounded emotionally by their child.

Feel discouraged yet? Don’t be. Parenting is both the greatest and hardest job you will ever face.  But it is also the most rewarding, too. There are going to be times when your kid really messes up things for you and your family.  In those moments, you have to respond in a way that is loving, honoring, and respectful.

For example, if your kid gets arrested for a DWI, this is one of those moments where you can not blow it.  You can not arrive to the station and humiliate, shame, or belittle your child.  You can not make wild accusations like, “You’ll never see the sunlight again! You’re grounded forever!”  Big mistakes require parents to make big decisions in terms of how you are going to respond.

If you respond as poorly as your child’s poor behavior, nothing good is going to come out of the experience.  There’s no positive message to be learned from a major mistake by your child when you blow it with your own horrible behavior.

I’m not saying that your child does not need to be punished, your child will need to experience a consequence.  I’m trying to say that in these big moments, it’s like there are three seconds left on the clock to win the National Championship for your school, you’re down by two points and your teammate passes you the ball where you shoot a three pointer for the win.

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to freak out, or shame, then you’ve just shot a horrible air ball to lose the National Championship game.  It would be no ordinary air ball either, it would be the kind that stays with you for the rest of your life!

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to handle yourself well, and to lovingly carry out the proper consequence and help your child learn from their decision, then you just swished the shot to win the National Championship game!

So what do you think?  Am I on to something good for parents, or am I being a naive goofball?

You feel stuck.  Your marriage is no where near what you dreamed it would be.  Your satisfaction has dropped to an all time low.  What do you do now?

The greatest advice no one wants to hear is that of taking personal responsibility for your own thoughts, actions, and emotions.  When your spouse is hurting your feelings or frustrating you, it is difficult to hear someone say, “I hear what you’re saying, but where do you need to change?”  But this question is exactly the question that is going to get your relationship headed in the right direction.

Until you recognize that God alone changes people (especially your spouse), you will remain stuck in your relationship.  The worst posture we can take in our marriage is when we point the finger and blame.  When we look at our spouse and think, “You are both the problem and the solution to my sadness.”  What this means is that we look at our spouse’s poor behavior and believe that if only they would change, then we could be happy.  But this is a lie!

The only thing you can do to truly make an impact on your marriage is work night and day on being the best husband or wife possible.  What other choice do you have?  If you enter into the dysfunction of your spouse, then things are guaranteed to get worse.  If you decide to do the right thing (patience, mercy, kindness, forgiveness) then at least you are setting up the relationship to change for the better.

What do you think keeps you from working on yourself?

I am developing a new curriculum and book on the importance of memorizing scripture and the four most important beliefs. I would greatly appreciate you all sharing with me what your two favorite verses are. What verses have most comforted you throughout your life? I hate to do this to you, but you have to pick your top two favorite verses.

Secondly, what are your top two beliefs or truths that you think everyone should have inside themselves or hold onto with great respect? I will pick some winners to receive my latest book, signed of course, As Long As You Both Shall Live.

Thanks for helping me with this new project, and I can’t wait to utilize your input!

There are times in every person’s life when people feel difficult.  They hurt your feelings, let you down, frustrate you, and simply mess with you.  What do you do?  How do you respond?  What’s the best way to handle a difficult person?  Check out 2 Timothy 2:23-26:

23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights.24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.

The bible is full of brilliant advice on how to handle your relationships, the difficult part is following through and being obedient to the word!  I am truly convinced, after 15 years of working with couples in conflict, that the best thing you can do when frustrated with your spouse is be patient and loving.  Unless you are being abused emotionally or physically, of course.

How could you live 2 Timothy 2:24 this week with your spouse?  Leave a comment and let us know what you want to do this week to love your spouse like you are challenged in 2 Timothy.