In full disclosure, both my wife and I use Facebook for our personal lives and our ministry along with my dad.  Facebook has not proven to hurt or negatively impact our marriage, but I could not resist posting this very interesting study done in the United Kingdom:

Facebook is bad for your marriage according to research carried out by an online divorce service in the United Kingdom. Divorce-Online scanned their divorce petition database for the use of the word “Facebook” and found 989 instances of the word in over 5,000 divorce petitions sampled.

This means that just under 20% of all the petitions filed through the company had references to Facebook within the text of the divorce petitions.

Managing Director Mark Keenan said “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20% of all the petitions containing references to Facebook. The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to”.

Notes to Editors:

About http://www.Divorce-Online.Co.UK

Founded in 1999, Divorce-Online is the UK leader in online divorce services and solutions that help people obtain an uncontested divorce without the need to visit a solicitor. Divorce-Online.Co.UK has helped over 60,000 couples achieve an amicable divorce.

About the research

Research for Divorce-Online was carried out on 20th December 2009 with a sample size of 5,000 divorce petitions.

So why would Facebook be mentioned in 20% of divorce petitions? My guess is that these couples were abusing the use of Facebook in several different ways:

1. Their spouse may be developing inappropriate friendships with the opposite sex. Or maybe, they are even reconnecting with old flames via Facebook.
2. Their spouse may be simply using Facebook too much.  I’ve heard of people using Facebook for over 6 to 8 hours a day! That would be way too excessive.  I think getting on Facebook for about 30 minutes in a day is decent, maybe pushing the limit, but certainly not abusive.
3. Their spouse is airing out their dirty laundry through status updates.  I’ve certainly heard of people hurt by what their spouse put on Facebook as a status update.  An inability to communicate properly could tempt someone to handle their conflict through a social media as opposed to with their spouse.

What do you think? Why else might Facebook be hurting marriages, and have you been hurt by Facebook in your own marriage?

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Very interesting look into the idea of hopelessness!  We are constantly telling couples that the most dangerous thing they can do is lose hope.

I’ve become increasingly intrigued by the topic of hope because, if anything is going to help me climb out of the Black Hole of depression, it’s a sense of hope. In their book, “Hope in the Age of Anxiety,” psychology professors Anthony Scioli and Henry Biller discuss hope from a variety of different perspectives, combining psychology with philosophy, biology, anthropology as well as the literary classics.

I went straight to chapter thirteen, of course, and read “Overcoming Hopelessness: Escape from Darkness.” The authors argue that there are nine forms of hopelessness, each related to the disruption of one or more of the basic needs that comprise hope; attachment, mastery, or survival. The authors present three “pure forms” of hopelessness resulting from breakdowns in one of these three needs or “motive systems” alienation, powerlessness, doom. There are also six “blended” forms of hopelessness which results when two needs are challenged. We can overcome hopelessness by first recognizing which of these nine types we are confronting.

For each form of hopelessness, they present a mind-body-spirit treatment cocktail, involving a restructuring of thoughts, accessing the right kind of hope-sustaining relationship, and specific spiritual practices. Armed with these prescriptions we can summon the light back into our lives.Here are the nine types of hopelessness and just some of the strategies recommended by Scioli and Biller. For the whole treatment package, consider getting your own copy of “Hope in the Age of Anxiety.”

via 9 Types of Hopelessness and How to Overcome Them | World of Psychology.

I haven’t seen this video yet, and it was pretty stinking funny!  Just watch and see for yourself.

This man is on his second marriage and he is panicked about getting divorced again, should he be worried?

Couples who are on their second marriage are at an even higher risk for divorce.  Besides learning how to resolve conflict better, what can you do to ensure your second marriage succeeds?  Easy.  Spend more time together.  If you allow step-kids, work, or conflict to get in the way of simply hanging out together, then you are doomed for failure.  There are no good excuses to skip out on hanging out together.  Even if it means telling the kids to back off for several hours while you hang out on the back porch, just do it!  You are not neglecting the kids if you are trying to keep connected and grow closer together.  Your healthy marriage will be the greatest gift you ever give the kids.

What can you do to spend time together?  Leave a comment and help others with creative ideas to spend alone time together.

I read on remarriage.com that 75% of divorced women will remarry within about 10 years after their divorce. I have an interesting thought on this fact. Why so eager to remarry? Before you close down and blow off this tip, I want you to seriously ask yourself this question. Why get remarried? There are legitimate reasons to get remarried and there are definitely illegitimate reasons to get remarried.

Some legitimate reasons to get remarried are:

• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you find a loving and compassionate man who is equally excited to grow spiritually together and work on the new marriage together.
• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you meet a person who fits your top 10 qualities (or deal breakers) you want in a person.
• After fixing what was broken in your life with the first marriage, you discover love (not out of desperation) but out of patience and maybe even a little surprise.

Are you catching the theme with these legitimate reasons to get remarried?  The worst thing you can do is get remarried before you’ve healed and grown from the mistakes of your first marriage.  There’s a reason that second marriage have around a 67% divorce rate.  Don’t even think about a relationship until you’ve had someone walk you through what your part was in the demise of the first marriage.  And you had a part, whether you want to admit that or not.  No one is perfect and it does not place more blame on your shoulders by acknowledging what you did to hurt the first marriage.

Heal. Learn. Grow.  Now you are ready to get remarried.