Watch as Michael helps this husband learn what true unconditional love is and whether or not this husband should leave his wife after a second affair.

If you feel stuck and in a miserable marriage because some sort of tragedy has happened (like finding out about an affair), then watch and see what Amy Smalley has to say to encourage you!

I’ve been a supporter of Tiger ever since he burst on to the scene as a professional golfer, and honestly, even before that when he was winning amateur championships. It pains me to see what he is going through and to be hearing all the rumors of sex with other women. Things seem to be getting worse for Tiger, and sponsors may be starting to rethink their support. Tiger is on every newspaper, magazine, and TV news-lead in the country, but no one is talking about his potential sexual addiction.

If the rumors are true, and some very damaging evidence is coming out daily to prove these women’s stories, then Tiger is not just having affairs, he’s in the midst of a potential sexual addiction. Did you know The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity estimated that:

6%-8% of Americans are sex addicts, which is 16 million-21.5 million people. (Source: Cooper, Alvin, Dana E. Putnam, Lynn A. Planchon, and Sylvain C. Boies. “Online Sexual Compulsivity: Getting Tangled in the Net.” Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 6:79-104.)

Sexual addiction is not rampant, but it certainly is affecting a lot of people in the United States. What is sexual addiction? PsychCentral.com gives a good definition:

Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.

In normal terms, someone with a sexual addiction is not just struggling with affairs or pornography, they are totally engrossed in these activities. It’s like they can not stop themselves and their behavior dramatically hurts their families and work life. Addiction is a horrible thing for people because many addicts do not want to do what ever it is they are addicted to, and most feel horrible about their addiction, but they can not stop themselves without a serious intervention.

I hope Tiger gets his intervention. He needs one and I know he is involved in marital counseling, but he is going to need individual work as well.

Why do people have affairs? I’ve counseled many couples in crisis due to the damaging experience of an affair or infidelity and the victimized spouse almost always wants to know why. Why would he do this to me? Why would she need another man? The questions are painful and filled with hurt, anger, and frustration.

Smart Marriages is an organization founded and directed by Diane Sollee and I get Diane’s newsletter each week (sometimes daily). Peggy Vaughan recently wrote to Diane about the societal factors of infidelity, in other words, a powerful reason why someone might seek out an affair:

Dear Diane,

I just watched Oprah which featured a rare on-camera interview with an Amishcouple (taped prior to the Amish school shooting). The interview revealed that in Amish marriages, there are NO divorces and NO extramarital affairs.

As you know, beginning with the initial publication of “The Monogamy Myth” in 1989, I have advocated looking beyond just the personal failures of individuals or particular marriages to recognize that “societal factors” also play a role in affairs.

The Amish society is quite different from our more general society… which leads their attitudes about marriage to be drastically different as well.

Below are some quotes from the interview that demonstrate this:

Oprah: “What happens if you get tired of each other? What if you say, ‘I don’t want to be married to you anymore?’”

Amish: You go into marriage knowing this is for keeps. There is no divorce. You work on it, you talk about it, you go for counseling if need be.”

Oprah: “Is there any adultery?”

Amish: “No, not that I know of.”

Finally, perhaps the most amazing and inspiring comment of all: “We’re really happy. We have 100% contentment.”

Most of us think everything about the Amish way of life would be impossible, but their lives provide hope that it’s possible to change the larger society’s attitudes about marriage and about extramarital affairs.

Peggy Vaughan
website: http://www.dearpeggy.com
Blog: http://www.dearpeggy.com/blog/

Create an environment in your marriage where divorce is not an option and an affair is not an option and see what happens. If you ever think, “Well, if this doesn’t get any better, then I…” or “I wonder what it would be like to sleep with…” These kinds of thoughts undermine your commitment to the marriage and will have financial, emotional, and spiritual consequences if you continue to think about them.

What does Tiger need to do next for his marriage? Watch and find out what Gary has to say to Tiger.

Michael Smalley gives his advice for Tiger and anyone who is going through this kind of situation. Suffering through the effects of a spouse having an affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. Watch and find out.