How about no! (as Dr. Evil might say from Austin Powers trilogy). Michele Olson from www.think marriage.org has a great post on couples dealing with an autistic child:

Statistics can be scary things. Like most things in life, you really have to take them with a grain of salt. They are extremely sad when they are thrown at families that were going forward with hope, making their way only to hear a statistic that they are likely to fail.

That’s the case with an autism statistic that has been bantered around for some time. If you have an autistic child, you probably have heard that divorce rates among marriages with autistic children can be as high as 80%.

That’s just discouraging.

But here’s some encouragement.

For the full article on this subject, just click here.

(This is a guest article by Andy Braner)

We all desire to have great kids, but probably our deepest desire is to see our kids develop a true authentic loving relationship with God. Our good friend, Andy Braner is our guest writer today. He speaks to thousand of kids each year and has a simply amazing camp in Durango, Colorado called, Camp Kivu.

Today’s world is more confusing for teenagers than ever before. Faith is something negotiable. The world claims all belief systems have equal value. And, if they even begin talking bout the Christian faith, they are dismissed as people who believe in fairy tales and old religious stories.

Current statistics show that 75% of teenagers who are raised in Christian homes reject their faith after their first year in college. It’s an ALARMING statistic, and in real time, we’re loosing ¾ of our future faith community and I believe it can be averted.

We’ve got to start paying attention to our teenager’s spiritual lives, or it won’t be long before the church in America starts looking more and more like the churches of Eastern Europe.

What can we do?

1.) We’ve got to engage our kids where they can give answers to the world’s questions.

On today’s high school and college campuses the questions are similar, and they can be answered. Teenagers are looking for the real meaning to life, where they can find truth, and why it matters. They’re turning to alcohol, drugs, and worldly philosophies; only to fill a gap where they can find comfort and security.

We need to start providing answers to these questions. At our place out in Durango Colorado, we’ve fused traditional summer camping with deep spiritual teaching. We white water raft, hike, bike, rock climb, and all the Colorado sports; but we also spend time teaching kids the foundations of a Christian Worldview.

2.) We must start looking for places where Real Faith can be put on display.

Not only are they attaching themselves to a worldly lifestyle, they’re looking for models and mentors who are living breathing examples of Real Christianity. They want to see people who live life congruent with how they preach. In a postmodern world where everybody can live however they want, teenagers will gravitate toward the lifestyles that work or at least seem to work.
Camp KIVU hires the ‘best of’ Christian staff from around the country. These “cool “ college students love God, and they love people. The teenagers that come to our place instantly see mentors who are living the life God called us to live, and it makes a difference!

3.) We need to model our faith at home

Finally, for the trend to curb, we need Moms and Dads to continue taking their spiritual lives serious. Studies show the worldview of a teenager is shaped greater by how Moms and Dads model their own worldview in every day living.
We are partnering with families all over the world to help Moms and Dads have a comprehensive worldview understanding. We believe as we lock arms with families, schools, and churches, we can provide a vital missing link for kids to know what they Believe, why they Believe it, and how they can put it into practice in the real world.

Come join us this summer for one of our 13 day terms at Camp KIVU. You can register at www.campkivu.com.

“Camp KIVU is located in one of the most beautiful parts of Colorado. The high mountains, rolling rivers, and lush green of the Colorado summer is a perfect backdrop for teenagers to learn God’s Word. Andy and the team at Camp KIVU are dedicated to seeing a teenage generation that Loves God, and Loves People.” – Gary Smalley

Raising three kids was quite an adventure for Norma and myself. We felt overwhelmed so we met with our own pediatrician Dr. Shellenberger in Waco, Texas. He recommended some clear limits and to be creative he suggested we make our own family contract. His enthusiasm and experience sold us on the idea. For young kids the contract had to be quite simple. We taught them to obey God, our parents, and to be kind to people and things. These principles stemmed from Matthew 22:37-39. As our physical, emotional and mental abilities grew so did the contract. The family contract included these areas: Honoring God, others and His creation; obedience; cleanliness; chores; manners; and inner character qualities. We realized later as we adapted that the contract has some important detail to its construction and content. Here were some:

1. Wording
An effective contract begins by clearly defining the exact behaviors the child is expected to do or refrain from doing. In other words, limit the use of vague or ambiguous words that are open to alternative interpretations. For example, instead of saying that the child needs to obey, carefully define the exact behaviors and meaning of the word “obey.” You might say, “Once mom or dad gives a direction, you are to immediately do it without complaining, arguing or nagging.” Of course you will need to clarify the meaning of those words as well. Remember that a child is able to conform to his parent’s wishes when he understands their exact expectation. Therefore, a written contract is preferred since it reduces the possibility of misunderstanding and provides an objective reference when disagreement about contract terms arises.

2. Clear Rewards and Consequences
A helpful contract will specify the rewards or privileges that may be gained or lost as a result of the child’s behavior. For example, if a child is required to take the trash out after dinner then he needs to know that not doing this will result in no after-school snack for 24 hours. Likewise, it’s important for the child to understand how he can earn rewards for positive behaviors as well. This can be achieved through allowance, special snack or extra TV time to name a few.

3. Child & Parent As Co-Creators
The key to setting limits is to work “with” your children. Together, establish the rules, consequences and rewards that you all believe to be important. When you involve the children, from the earliest ages, in creating the rules, they consider them their limits, rather than standards their parents are imposing on them. It becomes easier for them to take ownership of the contract because the rules seem fair.

4. Re-negotiation
An effective contract should be open for re-negotiation. As the children grow older, you can all upgrade the rewards and consequences to include age appropriate items. For example, teenagers might need more significant consequences for more significant offenses. However, they will also need to have opportunities to earn rewards that allow greater independence and individuation. Once again, always have them help choose and agree upon the changes. A teenager’s need for independence from the family sometimes makes them reluctant contributors. Let them know that they can decide not to participate, but that the decisions will be binding for the family.

5. Signatures
After you and your family create the contract, it’s important to make a place for everyone to sign and date the document. Even if you have young children, they can scribble in the appropriate place. This shows that everyone agrees with the direction the family is going. Also having children sign may greatly increase their commitment to the contract.

6. Inspect What You Expect
Once the contract is up and running, it’s helpful to inspect and evaluate each child’s behavior on a daily basis. Up until our high school years, we met for ten to fifteen minutes each night after dinner to review how everyone was doing in each area. We kept a chart on the refrigerator so we could mark on it with a grease pencil and erase it the next evening. Instead of having to continually correct a child’s behavior throughout the day, the family meeting is a great way to set aside a specific time for this–unless of course the child commits a serious offense, then you immediately deal with it.

Summary
You will discover that having a written, objective contract can greatly contribute to your family’s harmony. It can also make disciplining the children much easier because you simply point to the family contract, and the children can be much more willing to cooperate and adjust to it. Children need to learn control at the very beginning of life so they appreciate people and property within the family as well as the value of rules and limits for getting along with others later on in adult life. By using a family contract you are helping your children to learn a valuable lesson that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives.

To find out more check out our book, The Key to Your Child’s Heart.

There are things your children are going to do that will make you want to trade them in for another child!  They will hurt you, frustrate you, embarrass you, humiliate you, disappoint you, discourage you, and basically wipe you out from time to time.  No child is perfect, therefore no parent will ever miss out on the opportunity of being wounded emotionally by their child.

Feel discouraged yet? Don’t be. Parenting is both the greatest and hardest job you will ever face.  But it is also the most rewarding, too. There are going to be times when your kid really messes up things for you and your family.  In those moments, you have to respond in a way that is loving, honoring, and respectful.

For example, if your kid gets arrested for a DWI, this is one of those moments where you can not blow it.  You can not arrive to the station and humiliate, shame, or belittle your child.  You can not make wild accusations like, “You’ll never see the sunlight again! You’re grounded forever!”  Big mistakes require parents to make big decisions in terms of how you are going to respond.

If you respond as poorly as your child’s poor behavior, nothing good is going to come out of the experience.  There’s no positive message to be learned from a major mistake by your child when you blow it with your own horrible behavior.

I’m not saying that your child does not need to be punished, your child will need to experience a consequence.  I’m trying to say that in these big moments, it’s like there are three seconds left on the clock to win the National Championship for your school, you’re down by two points and your teammate passes you the ball where you shoot a three pointer for the win.

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to freak out, or shame, then you’ve just shot a horrible air ball to lose the National Championship game.  It would be no ordinary air ball either, it would be the kind that stays with you for the rest of your life!

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to handle yourself well, and to lovingly carry out the proper consequence and help your child learn from their decision, then you just swished the shot to win the National Championship game!

So what do you think?  Am I on to something good for parents, or am I being a naive goofball?

Reagan Smalley gives advice to parents, and I must admit, her advice is very good! I asked her, “What’s the most important thing a parent could do?” Watch her answer.

I am developing a new curriculum and book on the importance of memorizing scripture and the four most important beliefs. I would greatly appreciate you all sharing with me what your two favorite verses are. What verses have most comforted you throughout your life? I hate to do this to you, but you have to pick your top two favorite verses.

Secondly, what are your top two beliefs or truths that you think everyone should have inside themselves or hold onto with great respect? I will pick some winners to receive my latest book, signed of course, As Long As You Both Shall Live.

Thanks for helping me with this new project, and I can’t wait to utilize your input!

Amy and I are getting the rights back to our first book, Don’t Date Naked: put on the full armor of God in your dating relationships! We are going to start self publishing this book now and want to freshen it up a little bit with a new title and cover design (as well as important new content for the book).  So what do you think would make for a new good title for a dating book?

The basic premise of our book is that you don’t have to kiss dating goodbye, in fact, if you learn how to honor God, others, and yourself then you can actually have a great dating experience that prepares you very well for marriage!  We take a pro dating stance in our book and then help young adults learn how to set up the right boundaries to keep themselves safe and protected while dating.

Here’s the chapters:

1. Let’s Hear It for Dating
2. Making a List and Checking It Twice
3. It’s All in Your Personality
4. Dating 101
5. Sex and the City
6. Staying Safe While Dating
7. Keeping Emotional Boundaries
8. What If Mr. or Ms. Right Turns Out to Be All Wrong?

As you can see the book is very applicable and straightforward. I think the best feedback we’ve been given over the years is that people really appreciate our openness and honesty. Amy and I are very transparent in the book and do not take a position of talking down to young adults, but rather, we respect them and believe they can make healthy choices in their dating relationships if they are given the chance.

The reason behind wanting a new title is that the church, in general, wasn’t ready for a Christian book to have the word “naked” in the title.  I was a bit ahead of the curve on that one =]  The book still did extremely well, and has been in print since 2003.  But now we get a chance to spruce things up, expand and deliberate on what we’ve learned since initially writing the book and put a new cover on it as well.

So let us know what you think would be a great title for the book.  If a title is chosen, the winner can have the choice of whatever they want from our online store (one item only) and of course a signed copy of the new look book!

Watch the interview with Renee Johnson on her new book “Faithbook of Jesus” specifically written for 20-somethings!

If you want to preorder Faithbook of Jesus now, please click on the Amazon.com link below: