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It’s not every day you’re reminded of the “good ole days”. But while doing some things on Facebook, I ran across this old photo of my family during one of our many camping trips. Michael is sitting to my right, and I’m not sure what his look is trying to say, and a dear friend Linda Lynch is sitting on my left side. My son Greg is over my right shoulder riding the bike.

I wanted to share this photo to remind all of you how important it is to create family bonding opportunities. If you’ve ever read any of my books or watched my videos, you know how important I think camping is for a family because something always goes wrong, and when it goes wrong, you gain an opportunity to growth closer together as a family. It may be tough at first, but as things calm down and wounds heal, you’ll realize how much closer you are and how much you love each other.

What’s your favorite family bonding story, please leave a comment and share it with me.

I thought about this for several weeks, and even asked other fathers if their children wanted them to be dogs. To my surprise, several dads relayed similar experiences. The situation continued to puzzle me until I picked Taylor up from daycare one day. It was there, that I discovered why Taylor wished I were a dog.

Walking into the daycare, I heard several children laughing uncontrollably in the next room. The laughter was intoxicating, and I found myself smiling at the anticipation of learning what was so funny. Entering the playroom, I quickly understood the reason for their laughter. A small puppy was chasing Taylor until she fell to the ground. Once on her back, the puppy began licking until her face dripped with puppy saliva.

I enjoyed watching my daughter have so much fun. However, I also felt a strange sense of jealousy. Seeing the excitement in her eyes, I began to wonder if I made Taylor that happy when we played together. Suddenly, I found myself watching the puppy. What was the dog doing that Taylor enjoyed so much?

Like a ton of bricks hitting me on the head, I instantly understood a very important parenting principle. As they played, the puppy was completely focused on my daughter. The puppy wasn’t thinking about other dogs or attacking the neighbor’s cat. In other words, the puppy had only one concern: Playing with Taylor. No wonder Taylor wished her daddy was a dog. She wanted my undivided attention. Taylor needed to look into my eyes and find me totally focused on her. Instead of playing in-between TV commercials, work, or household tasks, Taylor wanted to feel like the most important thing at that moment.

STRENGTHENING RELATIONSHIPS BY HAVING FUN

The stress in our lives from, work, household tasks, children and the demands of society, can feel overwhelming at times. As we struggle to keep our sanity in the midst of our busy lifestyles, it’s necessary to develop ways of coping with stress. One of the best methods for managing stress is through play.

In her excellent book, Traits of a Healthy Family, Dolores Curran makes this observation about healthy families, “The primary hallmark of a [strong] family seems to be its absence of guilt at times of play. Individuals and the family collectively give themselves permission to sit back, relax, dream, and enjoy. Further, they schedule play times onto the calendar; they don’t wait for free time…” (p. 143).

Playing with our children can be difficult because we all have more to do than can be done in one day. However, we need to develop the ability to divorce ourselves from work and other responsibilities in order to have the possibility for enjoyment. Therefore, healthy family relationships can be built when its members keep their work and play in perspective – when they feel no remorse by relaxing and having fun.

PROTECTING FUN TIMES

Not only do our families need fun time protected from thoughts of other things; more importantly, however, they need protection from conflict as well. The relaxed fun that strengthens the bonds between family members can be weakened or destroyed when conflict enters into the play. Therefore, make it a rule to keep play time – fun time. Set aside another time to deal with problems.

A great way to strengthen the relationships within your family is to provide times of fun and play. I encourage you to make fun play a regular habit – protected from outside distractions and conflict. In closing, I recently found an touching poem from Elrod Leany as he became aware that he was too busy and tired to be approached by this son.

As parents, God has given us the most precious gift – our children. More important than any accomplishment, our children are our greatest legacy. Let’s make sure we provide wonderful memories of the fun times we shared together. Or sadly, our children might wish someday, that their daddy had been a dog.

Statistics can be scary things. Like most things in life, you really have to take them with a grain of salt. They are extremely sad when they are thrown at families that were going forward with hope, making their way only to hear a statistic that they are likely to fail.

That’s the case with an autism statistic that has been bantered around for some time. If you have an autistic child, you probably have heard that divorce rates among marriages with autistic children can be as high as 80%.

That’s just discouraging.

But here’s some encouragement.

For the full article on this subject, just click here.

We all desire to have great kids, but probably our deepest desire is to see our kids develop a true authentic loving relationship with God. Our good friend, Andy Braner is our guest writer today. He speaks to thousand of kids each year and has a simply amazing camp in Durango, Colorado called, Camp Kivu.

Today’s world is more confusing for teenagers than ever before. Faith is something negotiable. The world claims all belief systems have equal value. And, if they even begin talking bout the Christian faith, they are dismissed as people who believe in fairy tales and old religious stories.

Current statistics show that 75% of teenagers who are raised in Christian homes reject their faith after their first year in college. It’s an ALARMING statistic, and in real time, we’re loosing ¾ of our future faith community and I believe it can be averted.

We’ve got to start paying attention to our teenager’s spiritual lives, or it won’t be long before the church in America starts looking more and more like the churches of Eastern Europe.

What can we do?

1.) We’ve got to engage our kids where they can give answers to the world’s questions.

On today’s high school and college campuses the questions are similar, and they can be answered. Teenagers are looking for the real meaning to life, where they can find truth, and why it matters. They’re turning to alcohol, drugs, and worldly philosophies; only to fill a gap where they can find comfort and security.

We need to start providing answers to these questions. At our place out in Durango Colorado, we’ve fused traditional summer camping with deep spiritual teaching. We white water raft, hike, bike, rock climb, and all the Colorado sports; but we also spend time teaching kids the foundations of a Christian Worldview.

2.) We must start looking for places where Real Faith can be put on display.

Not only are they attaching themselves to a worldly lifestyle, they’re looking for models and mentors who are living breathing examples of Real Christianity. They want to see people who live life congruent with how they preach. In a postmodern world where everybody can live however they want, teenagers will gravitate toward the lifestyles that work or at least seem to work.
Camp KIVU hires the ‘best of’ Christian staff from around the country. These “cool “ college students love God, and they love people. The teenagers that come to our place instantly see mentors who are living the life God called us to live, and it makes a difference!

3.) We need to model our faith at home

Finally, for the trend to curb, we need Moms and Dads to continue taking their spiritual lives serious. Studies show the worldview of a teenager is shaped greater by how Moms and Dads model their own worldview in every day living.
We are partnering with families all over the world to help Moms and Dads have a comprehensive worldview understanding. We believe as we lock arms with families, schools, and churches, we can provide a vital missing link for kids to know what they Believe, why they Believe it, and how they can put it into practice in the real world.

Come join us this summer for one of our 13 day terms at Camp KIVU. You can register at www.campkivu.com.

“Camp KIVU is located in one of the most beautiful parts of Colorado. The high mountains, rolling rivers, and lush green of the Colorado summer is a perfect backdrop for teenagers to learn God’s Word. Andy and the team at Camp KIVU are dedicated to seeing a teenage generation that Loves God, and Loves People.” – Gary Smalley

1. Wording
An effective contract begins by clearly defining the exact behaviors the child is expected to do or refrain from doing. In other words, limit the use of vague or ambiguous words that are open to alternative interpretations. For example, instead of saying that the child needs to obey, carefully define the exact behaviors and meaning of the word “obey.” You might say, “Once mom or dad gives a direction, you are to immediately do it without complaining, arguing or nagging.” Of course you will need to clarify the meaning of those words as well. Remember that a child is able to conform to his parent’s wishes when he understands their exact expectation. Therefore, a written contract is preferred since it reduces the possibility of misunderstanding and provides an objective reference when disagreement about contract terms arises.

2. Clear Rewards and Consequences
A helpful contract will specify the rewards or privileges that may be gained or lost as a result of the child’s behavior. For example, if a child is required to take the trash out after dinner then he needs to know that not doing this will result in no after-school snack for 24 hours. Likewise, it’s important for the child to understand how he can earn rewards for positive behaviors as well. This can be achieved through allowance, special snack or extra TV time to name a few.

3. Child & Parent As Co-Creators
The key to setting limits is to work “with” your children. Together, establish the rules, consequences and rewards that you all believe to be important. When you involve the children, from the earliest ages, in creating the rules, they consider them their limits, rather than standards their parents are imposing on them. It becomes easier for them to take ownership of the contract because the rules seem fair.

4. Re-negotiation
An effective contract should be open for re-negotiation. As the children grow older, you can all upgrade the rewards and consequences to include age appropriate items. For example, teenagers might need more significant consequences for more significant offenses. However, they will also need to have opportunities to earn rewards that allow greater independence and individuation. Once again, always have them help choose and agree upon the changes. A teenager’s need for independence from the family sometimes makes them reluctant contributors. Let them know that they can decide not to participate, but that the decisions will be binding for the family.

5. Signatures
After you and your family create the contract, it’s important to make a place for everyone to sign and date the document. Even if you have young children, they can scribble in the appropriate place. This shows that everyone agrees with the direction the family is going. Also having children sign may greatly increase their commitment to the contract.

6. Inspect What You Expect
Once the contract is up and running, it’s helpful to inspect and evaluate each child’s behavior on a daily basis. Up until our high school years, we met for ten to fifteen minutes each night after dinner to review how everyone was doing in each area. We kept a chart on the refrigerator so we could mark on it with a grease pencil and erase it the next evening. Instead of having to continually correct a child’s behavior throughout the day, the family meeting is a great way to set aside a specific time for this–unless of course the child commits a serious offense, then you immediately deal with it.

Summary
You will discover that having a written, objective contract can greatly contribute to your family’s harmony. It can also make disciplining the children much easier because you simply point to the family contract, and the children can be much more willing to cooperate and adjust to it. Children need to learn control at the very beginning of life so they appreciate people and property within the family as well as the value of rules and limits for getting along with others later on in adult life. By using a family contract you are helping your children to learn a valuable lesson that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives.

To find out more check out our book, The Key to Your Child’s Heart.

Feel discouraged yet? Don’t be. Parenting is both the greatest and hardest job you will ever face.  But it is also the most rewarding, too. There are going to be times when your kid really messes up things for you and your family.  In those moments, you have to respond in a way that is loving, honoring, and respectful.

For example, if your kid gets arrested for a DWI, this is one of those moments where you can not blow it.  You can not arrive to the station and humiliate, shame, or belittle your child.  You can not make wild accusations like, “You’ll never see the sunlight again! You’re grounded forever!”  Big mistakes require parents to make big decisions in terms of how you are going to respond.

If you respond as poorly as your child’s poor behavior, nothing good is going to come out of the experience.  There’s no positive message to be learned from a major mistake by your child when you blow it with your own horrible behavior.

I’m not saying that your child does not need to be punished, your child will need to experience a consequence.  I’m trying to say that in these big moments, it’s like there are three seconds left on the clock to win the National Championship for your school, you’re down by two points and your teammate passes you the ball where you shoot a three pointer for the win.

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to freak out, or shame, then you’ve just shot a horrible air ball to lose the National Championship game.  It would be no ordinary air ball either, it would be the kind that stays with you for the rest of your life!

If your response to your child’s very poor behavior is to handle yourself well, and to lovingly carry out the proper consequence and help your child learn from their decision, then you just swished the shot to win the National Championship game!

So what do you think?  Am I on to something good for parents, or am I being a naive goofball?

Secondly, what are your top two beliefs or truths that you think everyone should have inside themselves or hold onto with great respect? I will pick some winners to receive my latest book, signed of course, As Long As You Both Shall Live.

Thanks for helping me with this new project, and I can’t wait to utilize your input!

The basic premise of our book is that you don’t have to kiss dating goodbye, in fact, if you learn how to honor God, others, and yourself then you can actually have a great dating experience that prepares you very well for marriage!  We take a pro dating stance in our book and then help young adults learn how to set up the right boundaries to keep themselves safe and protected while dating.

Here’s the chapters:

1. Let’s Hear It for Dating
2. Making a List and Checking It Twice
3. It’s All in Your Personality
4. Dating 101
5. Sex and the City
6. Staying Safe While Dating
7. Keeping Emotional Boundaries
8. What If Mr. or Ms. Right Turns Out to Be All Wrong?

As you can see the book is very applicable and straightforward. I think the best feedback we’ve been given over the years is that people really appreciate our openness and honesty. Amy and I are very transparent in the book and do not take a position of talking down to young adults, but rather, we respect them and believe they can make healthy choices in their dating relationships if they are given the chance.

The reason behind wanting a new title is that the church, in general, wasn’t ready for a Christian book to have the word “naked” in the title.  I was a bit ahead of the curve on that one =]  The book still did extremely well, and has been in print since 2003.  But now we get a chance to spruce things up, expand and deliberate on what we’ve learned since initially writing the book and put a new cover on it as well.

So let us know what you think would be a great title for the book.  If a title is chosen, the winner can have the choice of whatever they want from our online store (one item only) and of course a signed copy of the new look book!

If you want to preorder Faithbook of Jesus now, please click on the Amazon.com link below:

One of our friends is Renee Johnson, who is getting close to releasing a great devotional book titled, “The Faithbook of Jesus”.  You can pre order the book here. Check out some of these endorsements for her book:

“Faithbook of Jesus” is a powerful and creative tool to reach out to 20-somethings to draw them into a daily relationship with God. I encourage everyone to pick up a copy. – Josh McDowell, Leading Apologist/Evangelist. Author of over 77 books, 49 million copies sold

“As Senior Pastor of a church known for its young following, I see the power 20-something’s can have when they truly connect with God and seek His Will for their lives. This is a book for young people to draw closer to the heart of God. I encourage everyone to pick up a copy of “Faithbook of Jesus” today”. – Miles McPherson, Senior Pastor of the Rock Church, San Diego

We’ve worked with Renee for a while now and really appreciate her heart for wanting to inspire people to draw closer to Christ!

My daughter has hated me since the age of 15. she was a wonderful loving child and got involved with a controlling guy that she married at 18. she is only 18 now, dumped and divorced from this guy after a few months. it was a horrible time but she loves his mother still and wants me out of her life. i have tried to get along with her but she is nasty and disrespectful and i wont take it. i have 3 older children who treat me with respect and I wont let Anna treat me differently. I cant seem to reason with her. she refuses to talk about the past because it makes her feel bad, i want her to get help because she is full of hate and bitterness. I pray for her as does many, but her heart only seems to get harder.

Watch the answer Michael Smalley gives this hurting mother.

For marriage choices it narrows down to two critical things every married individual must exercise: unconditional love and personal responsibility. Unconditional love means you accept and cherish your mate as he or she is. Personal responsibility means you take charge of correcting your own faults instead of your mate’s. That, in a nutshell, is it. Intimacy, happiness, growth, communication and all the other vital aspects of a good marriage grow out of these two choices. If both partners recognize this fact, there will be no victims in the marriage. Each person’s happiness will rest entirely in his or her own hands. And the end result is the safety and security that every marriage must have in order to thrive.

Do you believe this? Really believe this? Since it’s my contention that all behavior is a result of what we believe, this is a crucial question. Do you believe that you can take personal responsibility for the success of your marriage? If you don’t, then you must believe the opposite—that your spouse or circumstances are in control of what happens to you. You must believe that you are a victim. Therefore you must react and put the blame on your mate when the marriage does not meet your expectations. This is a tragedy, because when you blame your mate you not only divest yourself of your responsibility, you also reduce the choices you have to change the relationship. You forfeit the ability to control your own destiny.

So if you want your marriage to be the most exciting and rewarding journey of your life, the question to ask is not whether your mate is doing enough to make the marriage work, but rather: Are you loving your mate unconditionally by taking responsibility for your role in the relationship? A good way to turn this intention into a commitment is to make a promise of it. Promise to look at yourself first, to take responsibility for your own part of the marriage, and to stop trying to change your mate. Such a promise puts legs on unconditional love. It says you are willing to put your personal dreams and needs on hold for a while and make what’s best for the relationship a priority.