How to deal with abuse in a marriage

Watch and learn what you need to do to protect yourself from an abusive marriage.

Posted on October 19, 2009 by in Conflict Resolution, Q&A, Video Podcasts

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"Some of my favorite resources are our latest book A Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage, Don't Date Naked (for young adults).
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6 Responses to “How to deal with abuse in a marriage”

  1. Amy Smith October 30, 2009 3:15 am
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    Michael, I have two questions after watching this video. The first is, what should be done in a case where it might not be safe for the wife to confront her husband on his behavior? Some men, when called on their actions in any way, escalate. So the idea of some women speaking up scares me for them.

    The second is, what would you say to those Christians who would simply tell a wife that she should simply obey her husband and that without a word, she'll change him by her chaste behavior?

    • Michael Smalley October 31, 2009 8:11 am
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      First question: A wife must go to the police and get out of the home. Preferably going to a relatives home, but if no family, then go to the church and ask for help and a place to stay. Many churches help in this kind of situation.

      Never confront an abusive husband alone. Always have someone with you.

      Second question: In the case of physical or emotional abuse, I'd say those Christians are dramatically off base! God is not interested in a woman dishonoring herself and her children by staying with an abusive man. We dishonor God if we dishonor ourselves. Abuse is not okay and is a major deal breaker for any marriage. I want marriages to succeed, but not at the safety of an individual.

      She can also help him change by drawing a boundary and holding her husband accountable for his actions.

      • Catherine November 1, 2009 1:22 am
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        Hi Michael,

        Thank you for all the wonderful work that you and your Father/Brother are doing towards helping hurting families. Thank you for your last comment on this video "You are far too valuable to ever be abused".

        Thank you for validating the insidiousness of the pain involved when one is emotionally abused. I personally have found your words to be quite true in my own life. The words, tone, neglect, etc. are far more damaging then a hit has ever been.

        • Michael Smalley November 1, 2009 10:54 am
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          You are so very welcome Catherine! Never forget your value in Christ and always demand people treat you like the incredibly valuable person you are :-)

  2. Kathy Dalton November 1, 2009 1:03 pm
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    how strange to read this… my oldest was super disrespectful to me in front of her piers and just hurt my feelings terribly.. this little blurp , even tho for another kathy, really hit home.. i don't know exactly how to teach my children, whom i love so deeply and am ready to help at a moments notice, to treat me like a valuable person..their other parent seems to exit out of thier actions first..

    • Michael Smalley November 2, 2009 2:37 am
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      Hey Kathy, don't you hate when you can not control your kids! You teach people how to treat you by setting boundaries and sticking up for yourself. You don't let your daughter disrespect you by confronting her when she does and then letting her know how she could do it differently next time.

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